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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Right, you can't disinvite a child can you?

43 replies

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 12/03/2015 18:02

I think not. Dd(7) is having a party with only 4 from her class on Sunday. One of the invited girls has given out invites today and not included dd, she is gutted and now doesn't want this child there. Apparently there was lots of "you aren't invited to my party" type stuff going on.

OP posts:

SylvaniansAtEase · 12/03/2015 18:51

And you could always tackle it without even mentioning the other girl's party - simply that your DD has been very upset, they seem to have fallen out and that there's been a lot of teasing... You are sure they will agree that at the moment having a foursome party might not be a good idea and you wouldn't want to feel awkward any more than you would DD. So let's leave Sunday for this year... Hopefully they will be friends again soon :)

Fleecyleesy · 12/03/2015 18:59

If you have the other mums email address, I'd send her an email and just put what you've said in your op, adding that you think it would be best for x not to attend your dd's party as planned on Sunday because the atmosphere is so tense between the girls and that your dd is v upset. I'd be apologetic but say you just want to make sure your dd enjoys her own party.

Completely disagree with those who say the girls might be friends tomorrow so it's fine. Even if they are friends, x needs to learn that her behaviour has consequences and that it is not ok to treat others like that.

You can uninvited, it is a bit rude but there comes a time where you have to stop people shitting on you and your child. Otherwise they'll do it again.

Delphine31 · 12/03/2015 19:05

I would focus on the unpleasant behaviour rather than the lack of invite to the other girl's party. I think it's perfectly acceptable to phone her mum and say that you don't want to risk any upset at your DD's party and that given the nastiness at school today you imagine the girl probably isn't keen on coming anyway. So wouldn't it be best for both if girl doesn't come to DD party.

You can keep things amicable by doing a sort of sigh and roll eyes at how fickle children can be and the dramas it causes.

ChaiseLounger · 12/03/2015 19:26

agree with couch.

jetSTAR · 13/03/2015 12:54

agree with Fleecy

have you managed to sort anything out OP?

StayGoldPonyBoy · 13/03/2015 12:59

I would do it and tell the other parent why. It's not fair on your poor DD. 7 isn't like 5 when they're almost guaranteed to be best friends tomorrow, girls can be really cruel at that age and start with the best friends and not including others.

It's a lot different than being flippant and just going 'oh Claire yiu can't come now because I like Emily better and want her instead' which would be crappy.

Original poster

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 13/03/2015 14:03

I text the mum last night and said I wanted to check that her dd still wanted to come to the party as there had been a lot of unpleasantness in school that week... She thought dd had been invited. Her dd said she had fallen out with my dd over a game early in the week so held back her invite. We agreed to see how today went and that if they didn't make it up today then her dd wouldn't come on Sunday.

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 13/03/2015 14:23

So the child "held back" an invitation without her mother knowing? Oooh, I bet the mother is happy about that one...

Anyway, sounds like you and she are on the same page, which is good.

Original poster

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 13/03/2015 14:27

Yes I was happy enough about how it was handled... Hope today went ok for dd

OP posts:

AhDinnaeKen · 13/03/2015 14:31

Well handled. (unless the mum is backtracking on failing to invite your dd and now getting herself out of bother by blaming it on her daughter?)

I hope they resolve it themselves - kids can be so cruel and we've seen it with both of our older ones (and 10 & 7), that some kids can just be plain mean and they stay that way. (having said that - usually in our experience the kids who are mean learn it from their parents (usually the mothers) who are also exclusive and catty)

ChaiseLounger · 13/03/2015 18:47

No no. I read it that the mother KNEW the child had held back the invite.

I've heard it ALL now!!!!!!!

Original poster

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 13/03/2015 20:55

They still haven't actually invited dd to their party... Will watch this space

OP posts:

Original poster

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 15/03/2015 20:11

Party went well and dd got an invite o her party too.

OP posts:

FishWithABicycle · 15/03/2015 20:17

Job well done. Phew.

stealthsquiggle · 15/03/2015 21:44

I should bloody think so. If she had been anything other than well behaved, and if an invitation had not been forthcoming, I would definitely have been judging her DM, IIWY.

Glad it went well, anyway.

ChaiseLounger · 16/03/2015 19:22

Phew.
Still not sure about mum or her dd. Sorry!

Graceymac · 13/04/2015 22:42

It's hard being that age, children get really upset about this whole party invitation business and feel hugely rejected if they aren't included. In my daughters class the majority of girls invite all of the girls and boys have only the boys at their parties. It at least keeps things slightly fair. I know I am veering off the topic a little. In my experience children do fall out and are then the best of friends the next day so unless this is an ongoing issue I would wait a little longer and see can the girls resolve this themselves. My dd (6) can home several days in a row telling me that a girl in the class was being mean to her and trying to exclude her from games in the playground as she wanted to play with my dds friend on her own. I spoke to the teacher and asked her to keep an eye on the situation. The next day they were hugging and have been the best of pals since. It taught me to tread cautiously in these situations if they occur again and not to leap in too quickly. That's not saying I would ignore it either but I would try to take a measured approach.

Graceymac · 13/04/2015 22:44

Sorry I see situation resolved!

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