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Parenting

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Original poster

Facebook - to actively consider reporting underage users?

89 replies

grumpypants · 02/04/2010 09:58

because i am irritated by the persistent attempts of friends' children (aged 11 and younger) to befriend me. I keep ignoring it, they keep trying. I don't talk to them about 'me' in real life; why wd i do so on the internet? Then, yesterday i found you can report them to facebook and get their accounts removed. I am v tempted...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nappyaddict · 03/04/2010 00:01

Raven Does he have a photo on there and is it just family he talks to on there or do any of his friends have an account as well?

nappyaddict · 03/04/2010 00:10

Oh and what about Facebook chat?

Also does anyone know if parental blocker things stop DC being able to view inappropiate photos that someone may have on their profile page? Cos not everyone has their privacy settings so that only friends can see their photos.

ravenAK · 03/04/2010 00:12

Hello again!

He does have a photo up, yes. It's one of him sitting in a cockpit at a local aeronautical museum.

None of his friends have accounts to my knowledge. I'm aware of being in a minority as a parent who thinks it's sensible for a young child to have a FB account!

Dh is in a band who have a very active friends/fans presence on FB, so photos & videos regularly get posted by gig-goers - that's ds's main interest.

He also enjoys chatting to his uncle & my best mate, who's the closest thing he has to a godmother.

He isn't allowed to send friend requests, & if he gets any, I vet them. Usually it'll be a family friend, which I'm fine with.

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ravenAK · 03/04/2010 00:16

Re: FB chat - he's occasionally used it to chat to BIl or my friend. He also uses Skype at MIL's house to talk to SIL, who's working abroad atm.

The ground rule is 'no chat, with anyone, unless mummy/daddy/grandma have said it's OK'

jasper · 03/04/2010 00:17

why are you bothered? Ignore them. I have lots of kids on my page. I never say anything they can't see. If I wanted to I could change my settings to stop them seeing my stuff but I LIKE being in touch with my kids' friends

nappyaddict · 03/04/2010 01:16

Raven I don't have a problem with it either as long as the parents are vetting it and there are clear rules in place about what is and isn't allowed. If DS asked in a year or so I would let him I think. I would want to find out first if you can make your profile picture visible to only friends and also that he wouldn't be able to view anyone else's inappropriate photos.

Merle · 03/04/2010 07:59

I tend to agree with Raven on this. Neither of my two (11 & 8) have accounts but the way we get round this is that I have a few of their friends on my FB. So far it has worked really well - this obviously won't last for ever; the older ones will go off to secondary school in September and I fully expect to be de-friended then.

Maybe my life is a bit dull but there's nothing I put on my FB that I wouldn't be comfortable letting under 10s see. I hear rumours of FB being full of drunkeness and swearing, but not round here.

A few months back one of my 10-year old friends had joined a group which was ridiculing another child we all knew. I was able to speak to the victim's parents and the group was removed very quickly. Just as in real-life, there are benefits to adults keeping an eye on what young people are up to.

123AH · 03/04/2010 08:27

If a parent is irresponsible enough to allow their underage child to join Facebook, REPORT the account and get it deleted. Simple.

Original poster

grumpypants · 03/04/2010 08:56

Clarification; I don't use facebook to play games, just to catch up with friends. Some of their status updates relate to being fed up with ex-husbands/ being hungover/ trips we have planned etc. I wouldn't talk about some stuff in front of my friends' kids, so i don't see why they shd be privy to it on adults' pages. I also am annoyed that their parents (presumably) think I wd want to have them on my page. Whatever Farmville is, what's wrong with kids using club penguin or the cbbc website?

OP posts:

tatt · 03/04/2010 09:43

I'd report any underage child I came across, whether they asked me to be a friend or not. The overage ones I haven't met I either ignore or explain that I don't add people I haven't met.

Facebook is used for bullying and the best way to teach children safe use of the internet is to teach them that such sites are only for the mature. 13 is far too young an age limit for many children.

Most parents who claim to "monitor" their child's internet use have no idea how adept children become at flashing up a "safe" window and hiding their other activities. Allow them on such sites at 7 and you can't easily go back when they get older.

GenevieveHawkings · 03/04/2010 11:14

Yes, Facebook can be used for bullying and yes Facebook can be used by paeodophiles to "groom" children. All that can happen in real life too in situations where you might think it entirely appropriate for children to be.

Let' get some perspective here. If as a parent you responsibly monitor your children's use of Facebook then you or they shouldn't encounter problems.

As for reporting under age members to Facebook, do you honestly think that the powers that be at Facebook really give a flying fuck about kids being on there? Get real. It's bit like drugs in prisons. Everyone knows they shouldn't be there but equally everyone knows drug use is absolutely rife in prisons. A blind eye is turned to it because it suits the powers that to not do otherwise.

Facebook is absolutely choc full of underage profiles. A brief perusal of the site bears that out. The powers that be at Facebook are just as aware of that fact as we all are. I'm sure that they'd delete a profile on request, just to placate someone, but the vast majority of people aren't remotely bothered by children being there and even positivly encourage it so I expect they get few complaints off adults. Most parents I know have no issues whatsoever with their children having Facebook accounts. They monitor them sensibly and responsibly and the chidren get fun out of them.

All that the powers that be at Facebook are interested in is the success of Facebook and that is assured by making it as popular as possible and used by as many people as possible.

So save your time and energy and spare us your righteous indignation. If you're really that bothered about only being able to correspond with adult friends exclusively then I suggest you deny the friend requests of any children who try to add you, or if you don't feel you can do that (probably because your principles go out of the window when you're worried you might offend your friends if you reject their little Suzie or Johnny's friend requests) simply stick to e mailing your friends privately, speaking to them on MSN or 'phoning them.

Fimbow · 03/04/2010 11:21

My 6 year old is on it, solely for Petville, doesn't use it for any other means, is unsearchable, has an abbreviation of his name and is controlled strictly by me. He has dh, his sis and me as friends and that is all. He needs me to log him on it.

Original poster

grumpypants · 03/04/2010 12:18

'(probably because your principles go out of the window when you're worried you might offend your friends if you reject their little Suzie or Johnny's friend requests)' yeah, that's right genevieve . What a strange assumption.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 03/04/2010 17:35

Fimbow If you (or dd or dh) post on his wall does it show on your profile? Cos on my profile it says Nappyaddict has posted on X's wall. If someone else clicks on that link it will take them to their info page (but not their wall if the privacy settings are on fully)

porkypoo · 03/04/2010 17:59

I get requests from my DS friends, I accept them and then discreetly a week later delete them!! DS is 13 now but, we allowed him to join at 12 and set his privacy setting so that he could send out friend requests, not recieve them. Only just changed it very recently.

A friends DD set up and account without permission and my DS told me about it.....that was v. awkward!!

chicaguapa · 03/04/2010 20:15

I saw in the paper today that Hollie from Britain's Got Talent has a facebook page and she's 11. It's in the paper as she's been getting messages from paedophiles! No-one questionned why she's on it!?

tatt · 03/04/2010 20:48

people become offensive when they know they haven't an argument.

Very few parents actually "monitor" their child's internet use thoroughly. They might be horrified if they did.

I have reported one child today for inappropriate use of Facebook and have no problem reporting others if I come across them.

jasper · 03/04/2010 22:43

go on 123AH .Shop me

shockers · 03/04/2010 23:25

If you report someone, do they know it's you who did it?

tatt · 04/04/2010 08:13

no - reports are anonymous. Not easy finding out how to report someone though. reporting problems

shockers · 04/04/2010 11:05

There's a little 'report this person' bit at the bottom of each friend request.

GenevieveHawkings · 04/04/2010 12:19

tatt said:

"Most parents who claim to "monitor" their child's internet use have no idea how adept children become at flashing up a "safe" window and hiding their other activities."

Well, not all parents are quite as naive as that. Most switched on, responsible parents are quite well aware of how many windows a child might have open when online. Only someone who is completely computer illiterate would not, surely?

I think that any parent who would buy their child a computer without having a clue how to use it themselves to a competent standard is an irresponsible parent. All local authorities run free courses to help people become computer literate so there's absolutely no excuse. Any parent who allows their child unfettered access to the internet without knowing how to proerly and responsibly monitor their use of it is totally irresponsible.

People seem to forget that before computers and mobile phones came along there was far, far more scope for children to keep the things tht they were up to secret from their parents becauswe they would only know as much as their kids chose to tell them. At least nowadays parents who are so inclined can snoop on what their chidlren are up to far more easily by checking their computers and phones. I, and many of my peers, managed to find out all about sex and porn and stuff like that without the aid of a mobile phon or a computer all those years ago, And guess what, kids were also bullied too way back then.

Also, not an odd comment from me at all Grumpypants. You must be pretty naive if you don't realise that there are an awful lot of people out there who care far more about saving face than holding on to their principles.

Hells73 · 04/04/2010 13:26

My daughter is a year below the FB age limit. She has an account, I monitor who her friends are and I know her password. Some of her friends (and their mums) are also listed as my friends. I don't have a problem with daughter's friends requesting to add me as most of the time it's for the games available or to pass messages from their mums.

I think it's down to the parents to decide but also to be aware of what's going on. We have spoken many times to our children about the dangers of the internet. Some of the FB groups about really should be monitored more as they are not suitable for children, even over the age of 13.

PixieOnaLeaf · 04/04/2010 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Umleila · 04/04/2010 18:31

My daughter, although over 13, is not allowed on FB. Why? because she's doing her homework. How come all of these kids have so much time to spend on FB anyway? DD says that many kids she knows rush thro their homework and then stay up to midnight on FB/BEBO/MSN etc. Where are their parents? I would not have time to monitor her use if I let her use it anyway. Teachers at her school also have FB pages just so they can monitor what the kids say and regularly tell the girls off for being so bitchy to each other.

Why would anyone want to join that sort of community when there are telephones in the world?

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