Parents who don't have any family nearby to help out - how do you cope when the main carer gets sick?

[PussinJimmyChoos]

Am just getting over a nasty bout of sinusitis. I've been totally wiped out and in the house since last Thurs!

DS's nursery was closed due to the snow and I couldn't look after him so DH stayed home to do so- its only been two days but still.

I feel really bad about this...DH is the main breadwinner and its not good for him to have to take time off like this. I know it can't be helpd as we don't have any family around and its hardly fair to schlep my child to a friend's house when I've got bugs that I could pass on!

What do others do?

Same as you - dh has to step in and looks after the DCs. No other option .

We are in a different situation as we have a childminder.

We are very very lucky in that she is hardly ever ill, but occasionally when she has needed time off unexpectedly she has organised for another childminder friend to have the children, or sometimes her mum or dad have them.

This is no help to you though but do you have someone who babysits who could occasionally step in? Or sort out with a friend to be each other's back up?

Lone parent - ask friends to help, and/or hire a sitter.

i just have to struggle on the best i can. dh works away all week. i had 2 weeks off work w swine flu but no one to help out. he came back for one nught and went back the next day when i phoned in tears saying i was worried i couldn't take care of them. i was fearful i wasn't well enough to drive safely.

I am currently on antibiotics for a chest infection, eye drops for conjunctivitus and have swollen, spotty tonsils, but as I'm a SAHM to our two children I unfortunately just have to get on with it . This week the snow has been quite fortunate as DH has been able to work from home. This has helped a little bit, in that he is around lunchtime and earlier in the evening (as no comute home). I too have done no housework this week (apart from clothes washing), but decided I needed to try and get well in order to be able to look after the DCs properly.

Family are all 300 miles away, plus all friends have small children and/or are at work. It really is very depressing sometimes and I often think it would be wonderful to get "sick leave", but I guess that is the main problem when you are a SAHM

I'm a SAHM with no family living here. If I were very ill then DP would have a day off work to help out.
What usually happens though is that I just have to soldier on unfortunately. I had flu a few weeks ago and had to literally lie on the sofa all day sweating and shivering . Luckily DC were happy to watch DVD's and colour all day. I just kept telling them that Mummy wasn't well and they had to be good.
It wasn't ideal at all but I had no choice.

I try hard not to get ill and, if necessary, demand antibiotics from the doctor. Sinusitis normally clears up quite fast if you get the right antibiotics quickly.

I would lie in bed with a DVD on for DD if it came to it.

DH has to go back to work tomorrow so I've just rested as much as I can, dosing up and hopefully will be able to do something with DS tomorrow. He's been home for two days now due to the snow and he's starting to get cabin fever.

The thing is, DS won't let me lie there for very long - he does want attention etc.

We called the nursery today to see if they had a slot for him tomorrow (its not his normal nursery day) and they said to phone at 8.30am and see but that means DH being late for work as he would have to take him - I don't think its fair to turn up when I've just got over a bug and I'm also worried about the snow..although main roads are pretty clear and a lot of kids made it to nursery today

I'm just feeling so guilty about it all - possibly sending DS to nursery on one of his non nursery days, DH having to take him and be late...it just seems when I am sick, the house doesn't run!!

It is HARD not having family around. Don't feel quilty.

I had norovirus and it was really hard, especially as my 4 month old ds does not like being still- but then my dh had it too. It was hell.

Hope you feel better soon.

I just have to get on with it too. I had a horrible bout of a tummy bug last year- diarrhoea, not so much vomiting but the most agonising stomach cramps if I even drank water) I still had to carry on as normal. DD1's school then was literally a minutes walk round the corner but I remember thinking I was going to be sick in the street in front of other walking mums! It came and went about four times over two months and DH never took a day off- trouble was it would ease off when I finally dropped to sleep and would be gone by morning, then i'd not know if it would start again the next day till I ate something.
Poor you though, my kids have driven me batshit and I'm feeling relatively okay!!

Dh and I have to take turn about - that was rough when we were all ill and snowed in but had to see that all the animals were fed and ok.

DH and I share care of DD (except for one nursery day). When one of us gets sick we either have to just get one with it or one of us takes the day off. Fortunately we both work in the public sector so our employers are mostly understanding. Tis shit being ill and looking after LOs though.

Hope you feel better soon

We deal with it with lots of TV and anything that will keep DD happy for a while!

Don't feel guilty about whatever you have to do.

Dd and I both had stomach bug recently at the same time. Dh didn't take the day off work as he is freelance and taking the day off at very short notice means saying goodbye to £400 and the goodwill and therefore possibly future bookings from one of his clients. So dd and I just had to muddle through.

Ds had already had the bug and gotten over it, I had to get him to school and ask a friend to walk him home. I had to cook his dinner for him too (ds, not dh). It was grim.

It is rubbish having no family nearby.

Either DP would have to take time off or more than not I struggle through, like others I have been on my deathbed nearly and they have played round my feet, I have fed them cheese sandwiches and crisps and allowed them to watch TV all day whilst I lie on the sofa.

It's just horrible to be ill knowing you can't rest And there's you have to feed and entertain the kids.

My mate inspired me the other week when her OH was working away and she comes down with a horrible flu bug - she threw the 3 kids all under 6 packets of biscuits into the lounge at meal time intervals with fruit ( they didn't eat that) , made them a jug of juice and put on a cartoon channel whilst she hugged the loo. They all survived and she said it was a chavvy experience but the kids loved it.

no family nearby here either and a lone parent with 5 dc. i just manage. the older dc help where possible,so i guess its family helping out really. being on our own has made us all very close and ther dc are almost intuitive. the little ones seem to become less demanding,and the older ones rally round,without being asked really.

TV, terrible snack food, pizza delivery, everyone in pajamas all day... Not only could/ would exH not take the day off, I would go nuts with the stress of having him home all day on top of having strep or whatever it was that laid me low. More than once I pulled out the sofabed and we all just lay there watching endless tv or resting on the crumbs from the junk they were all eating.

Yes rubbish, I agree.

We do the same as you, I was really ill 7 years ago (wow - where did that time go?) with 3 Dc's under 6. DH just had to take time off work, and helpful neighbours walked oldest DD to school whilst I was too weak/ ill to do the journey.

Everything house-wise just has to fall apart for a while. Actually sometimes it can be good to realise that the world doesn't stop turning if things aren't done 'your way' for a short while, & kids survive very well on sandwiches & toast, especially for a control nut like me!

DH was fab though as I recall - mind, he did think I was dying at one point (so did I!).

I've been lucky - neve r sick enough to not be able to struggle on with the child watching.

Now that we both work full time, in emergency cases of child sickness, dh keeps a few days annual leave aside just for this purpose. I would have to take time off if necessary. I do have a few days carer's leave each year but only dipped into them once.

When I was actually delirious with pleurisy, dh took the day off (but went back to work as soon as I could hold my head up and recognise dd); for things like tummy bugs and flu, I just coped.

Thankfully, dcs are now old enough to bring me lunch in bed.