Help. My so-called life, It's all a bloody mess and I don't bloody know how to fix it. Long and profane, sorry.

[phdlife]

Don't know where to put this but it's all vaguely parenting-related so here goes.

I have a 2.6ds and a 6m dd. I am SAHMing and the problem is, I cannot find any time for me. As a result I am stressed out of my tiny fucking nut; this is making it hard for me to sleep which is making me more stressed, which is costing me more sleep, blah blah. I have lost all sense of humor and spontenaiety (also my ability to spell, remember things and construct sentences), don't get done half what I'd like to (more on this later) and am rapidly losing the will to live. Please help me see how I can fix things...

Dh gets up at 6 and leaves for work at 6:50. Usually by then ds is up too and dh has given him some flakes. Dd is usually up then too but lately she's been having some shocking early starts (teeth?) - 5:30 or so.

I get everyone dressed and fed, ds watches ITNG and Playschool 9-10am. At 11 I go to make a smoothie and if all goes well (ha fucking ha) all 3 of us go down for a nap. Ideally before 12. (Is this too late??)

If I can't sleep I get ds up by 1:30, if I do sleep sometimes he sleeps til 2.

Dh home at 5:25. I aim for dinner at about 5:45 (hfh) and if I don't allow them to watch tv we might be away from the table by 6:45. (ds takes a loooong time over his dinner, but then he eats loads so I'm not sure this is a complaint.)

The bath/bed routine takes forfuckingever. Ds comes out of the bath as though he was soaking in pure caffeine and it can take a while for dh to get him nappied/pj'd and storied. I do dd at the same time - like ds she is in no mood for settling but wants to party. Usually done around 7:15-7:30.

Now, IF ds is looking quiet, I take him into his room and try to get him to sleep. Despite several attempts I've never managed to sleep-train him so I sit with him until he goes off to sleep, with or without dd feeding and going off to sleep in my arms. If ds isn't sleepy he gets some quiet play-time because I'm fed up with trying to bed someone who is literally pinging off the walls. Either way, getting me away by 8pm is increasingly rare - last night was 8:45 (because we were out for dinner so home late), the night before was 9:15 (because late nap, because I slept too).

By now I am absolutely desperate for some quality time but lately all I've been doing is shower, snack, re-settle fussy dd, some dire soporific reading, and going to bed, completely unrelaxed at 10:30.

Fuck creativity, fuck corresponding with friends/rellies, fuck making any progress on the recently-moved-into house, fuck having a chat with dh, fuck reading blogs, tv, MNing, keeping up with any form of current events, etfuckingcetera. Fuck, in fact, any activity that might let me have some form of personal identity. (I'm a wee bit fed up, you may be able to tell).

And then, just for kicks, dd will be up at least twice, once settling with a feed and once, hey, remember that party she missed after her bath? well maybe we could have it now? huh? huh? does 3:30am work for you mum?

This can't be right, can it? I'm sure I'm missing something obvious but braincells are so few and far between these days they ain't rubbing together often enough for solutions, let alone the will to implement them.

Help, please help...

oh and it's lunchtime here, so I have to disappear now and not sure when I'll get back.

Oh poor you. I'm from sydney and I found Brisbane hellish in summer. Taking two swimming is definitely doable, especially if you can find the right kind of pool (a large baby pool and not much else exciting works for me). And you take a pram to strap the baby into if the toddler starts playing up.

You NEED some mummy mates with similar aged kids so you can go nuts together (preferably over a glass or two of wine). Hanging out with others in the same boat who understand that you might be too knackered to talk much, or can't finish a sentence because someone is hanging off you will make life much easier.

Have you had a look on the expat websites? (britishexpats, pomsinoz etc.), there are lots of people in the same boat that want to make friends. I haven't seen you on the Australian rollcall thread (though might just have missed you!), if you haven't posted there do - you might at least be able to meet someone in a park. I'm in Sydney, and my kids are older, so I'm no good to you I'm afraid, but things will look a lot better if you have someone to laugh with. Good luck.

I also don't want to patronise an Australian, but if you're a Brit, there are tips on dealing with those summers that might help a bit. It's the humidity on top of the heat that's the killer, isn't it - used to give me tension headaches in the runup to a storm.

There's also a Brit expat mother of a 2 year old on Bubhub's "new to Brisbane" thread asking to meet people in her boat.

thanks for those pointers perfectstorm - well explore the links. Am from here originally, just back after 9 years in UK. Got a few friends/family but their kids are all older and they're back at work. And I never did learn to cope with the heat (not originally from here) so will definitely check out those links.