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Parenting

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Original poster

I want to talk to other ADULTS ONLY about Santa

50 replies

hecate · 02/10/2008 07:57

ds1 is 9, ds2 is 8. They still believe in santa and the tooth fairy etc.

They have sn (autism) and are very innocent. They totally accept the reality of santa and the tooth fairy etc.

I do not want to take that magic away from them, it feels terrible.

OTOH, they are of an age where their peers no longer believe and it sets them apart. (So far people they encounter are kind about it, and haven't told them the truth or laughed at them, but how long will that continue?)

So is it best to continue the myth of santa etc, even though this is likely to continue into their teens or maybe forever!! I mean, who knows if they will ever decide themselves it's not real? They truly do have a very innocent and different view of the whole world - how will other people perceive them for that?

Or is it best to let them know that it is a fairy tale, and take that magic away from them, which seems really cruel.

But is it fair to have them laughed at by others? Or seen as the teens who believe in santa and therefore not 'normal'?

Any and all thoughts from everyone gratefully received. I truly can't decide what to do for the best.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Flamebat · 02/10/2008 07:59

Please don't tell them, when they are that innocent already it would be even more of a shattering thing than telling an NT child

PurplePillow · 02/10/2008 08:01

I am not sure how to help, as my 8 1/2 yr old still believes in both

Although I am quite happy to have one more year of magic at christmas

bellavita · 02/10/2008 08:01

DS2 (9 next month) knows there is a santa, DS1 (11) knows differently (but is saying nowt to his brother and goes along with it).

I think it is truly lovely that children believe at what ever age and under what ever circumstances. If you are happy for your children to believe, then so be it - don't worry about what other people will think.

Not stalking Hecate - but you are one of my fave posters

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SoupDragon · 02/10/2008 08:02

DSs are 10 & 8 early next year and still believe (or claim to!)

littlelapin · 02/10/2008 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aniyan · 02/10/2008 08:05

same here - ds is nearly 9 and still believes in both. A girl I know only started having doubts about Santa when she was 13 (not me - I was a cynical little so-and-so )

Original poster

hecate · 02/10/2008 08:06

Not got time to read through, got to go out to take the kids to school, then am out all day, but thanks for replies, didn't want you all to think I'd just buggered off! Will be back later to read hopefully tonnes of opinions and have a think and a chat about it! xx

OP posts:

VaginaShmergina · 02/10/2008 08:14

Do you mean Sants, the Tooth Fairy and maybe even the Easter Bunny are not real

In all seriousness IMO I would go with the flow, my DD was once told it was all a load of bunkum, so I told her that if she didn't believe was she prepared to take that risk and not get anything !! (she was 6 at the time, and I felt it was too soon)

The innocence of every aspect of their childhood is gone all too quickly and I think you should enjoy believing with them.

stellabgh · 02/10/2008 08:38

I still believed at 9, although it was my last year.
As soon as they come home from school asking if Santa is real then by all means tell them but until then I'd leave it.

brightwell · 02/10/2008 10:53

I recently sat my, soon to be 11year old, ds down & told him the truth. He had asked but I'd avoided it really. I didn't want him to be bullied at school because he still believed, sadly there are a lot of very worldly wise children at his school. I think I was more upset at having to tell him than he was having his suspicions confirmed. So, no more putting the mince pie out on Christmas Eve for Father Christmas for us, not to memtion the carrot & reindeer food.

angrypixie · 02/10/2008 10:55

Wait 'til they ask then tell the truth.
Although it was tough to keep to that when my dd asked at 3.5 years

beansmum · 02/10/2008 10:56

Are all the mums at nursery going to hate me because we don't do santa? ds will probably tell everyone.

xserialshopper · 02/10/2008 11:04

Beansmum - we don't do santa either. My parents didn't do it and I thought they were harsh! But now, as we are financially stretched, I prefer my ds to know that we buy the pressi (just as my parents let us know) and that he can't have everything he wants.

He doesn't believe us though - he still thinks santa exists - I don't try to persuade him otherwise. I'm not even sure he believes me really when I tell him we buy the presents

fortyplus · 02/10/2008 11:06

Don't tell them!

In our house the dss are 13 and 14 and they have never given up 'believing' in Santa! It's all for my benefit and they know it!

So we still hang up the stockings, do a letter to Santa, leave out the mince pie, carrot and glass of milk which are found half-eaten in the morning with a note apologising for not finishing them but he was in a terrible rush as usual!

And every year on Christmas Eve we go on the website 'Norad tracks Santa' to see where he's been already

xserialshopper · 02/10/2008 11:07

Actually I meant to say Hecate That it's noones business what you sons believe. It would be neither here or there with me what children believe about santa.

I wouldn't think they were 'sad' or 'strange' to believe in santa at their age. I wouldn't try to tell them that he only exists in peoples minds

My ds is 6 by the way.

beansmum · 02/10/2008 11:08

I just couldn't work out how to do any shopping secretly, and couldn't be bothered with all the lies you have to tell. I get ds one big pressie which is under the tree and then we decorate a box together and I put all the little stocking filler type things in it. Saves me wrapping them, but he still knows they are from me.

peanutbutterkid · 02/10/2008 11:18

We never told DC about F-Christmas.
When they heard about FC at school, we told them that it was make-believe (like Jesus), but people like to believe, so don't tell them FC is not real.
DC decided to ignore me, and they TRULY believed in FC (& TF, & Jesus for that matter, but that's another story), argued about it and everything.

DS1 now 9yo, he and a mate have been telling their entire class that FC isn't real, DS says no one in the class believes him!

Not only that, DS1 happily still wrote a letter to FC the other day, listing what he wants, etc., opening with a nice greeting -- "Hi, how are you?!"

I don't know how to work autism in, but in OP's situation I reckon that I would tell DC that FC/TF are fairy-tales, that most people don't believe in after age 10 or so, but ones which they can quietly believe in as long as they like, perhaps FC/TF will always be real especially just for them?

seeker · 02/10/2008 11:21

But why do you have to stop doing all the lovely magical traditional things just because they don;t believe? I don't think mine ever have really believed, but we still write letters and put out carrots and all the rest and the Pyjama Fairy (don't ask) comes on Christmas Eve. An the Eastr Rabbit comes as well. Not at Christmas, obviously, but when appropriate!

Christmas is still full of magic and wonder!

Morloth · 02/10/2008 11:22

Yeah we don't do Santa either, boy gets a package at the end of the bed and we get into all the Christmassy Santa stuff but he knows that the gifts are from us/grandparents.

I think they will find out soon enough on their own no need to hurry along.

DS is only 4 and knows that he isn't to tell the other kids that there is no Santa, so far he couldn't care less as he is still getting the "surprise" gifts ;)

CherryChapstick · 02/10/2008 11:25

Christmas magic is alive and well at my house too. DS1,14, Asperger syndrome, DD, 12 and DS2, 9 are all great blievers. But they would be, as I am! They all also believe in the tooth fairy, easter bunny and sadly, the housework fairy!

trefusis · 02/10/2008 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotCod · 02/10/2008 11:37

we odnt really do it much

peanutbutterkid · 02/10/2008 11:40

CherryC, the house-work Fairy appears to be at work around here, too (as far as DH & DC are concerned, that is).

For most kids, the magic of Xmas is mostly about the loot, anyway.

angrypixie · 02/10/2008 11:51

We weren't going to do santa and friends told us that our children would not be welcome to socialize with theirs during the christmas period in case they told them!!

(This was not isolated - several friends independently said the same)

Chocolateteapot · 02/10/2008 11:54

I confessed about the tooth fairy and Easter Bunny to DD who will be 10 soon and has just started Middle school. She did ask about FC but I couldn't quite bring myself to say so left that one open. She is obviously well aware that some people think it is their parents but apparently doesn't think I would be able to stay up late enough for me to be FC.

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