I want to talk to other ADULTS ONLY about Santa

[hecate]

ds1 is 9, ds2 is 8. They still believe in santa and the tooth fairy etc.

They have sn (autism) and are very innocent. They totally accept the reality of santa and the tooth fairy etc.

I do not want to take that magic away from them, it feels terrible.

OTOH, they are of an age where their peers no longer believe and it sets them apart. (So far people they encounter are kind about it, and haven't told them the truth or laughed at them, but how long will that continue?)

So is it best to continue the myth of santa etc, even though this is likely to continue into their teens or maybe forever!! I mean, who knows if they will ever decide themselves it's not real? They truly do have a very innocent and different view of the whole world - how will other people perceive them for that?

Or is it best to let them know that it is a fairy tale, and take that magic away from them, which seems really cruel.

But is it fair to have them laughed at by others? Or seen as the teens who believe in santa and therefore not 'normal'?

Any and all thoughts from everyone gratefully received. I truly can't decide what to do for the best.

I told DD (10) there was no Easter Bunny last year and she sobbed . I told her there was no tooth fairy this year and that went ok. I was just talking to my friend about this morning, I'm tempted to tell her about Santa. I think she sort of knows but is sacred to ask.

Last year she said the boys in her class were saying there was no Santa and asked me, I said there was because her wee sister was there. DD said " I told them they were wrong, I knew my mummy wouldn't lie to me" She has asperger traits and never lies so it's a big deal to her.
We do tell them that we have to pay Santa for their toys, the elves only make toys for the very poor baies .

My three smaller ones still believe, altho DS1 (8) asked last year.

I told him then, (and I still tell my older two and they also believe this part), that santa is real.

He lives in the north pole (well, lapland, and people go there lots and visit him) and so therefore he is a real person.

And he is magic

BUT

He also needs help from parents regarding some things at xmas, which is why some children and grown-ups think that he does not exist. But they must be quite sad really as they don;t believe in magic anymore, and life needs a bit of magic

You must still believe tho, as otherwise there would be no point to xmas would there. ((obviously ignoring the religious aspect here)). Just because you cannot see the wind, it does not mean it does not exist, and also other things.......they all exist, you just need to trust they are there.

Oh, and my friend has been to lapland too and so showed us pics, that helped enormously!

We grew up 'knowing' that FC filled our stockings, but the presents were from family. I had some idea that he delivered the presents but that my parents had bought them.

Now I do the same for ds - he gets a stocking and one present from FC, and knows the rest are from us / other family.

This also means that his letter to FC is quite modest - last year he asked for red pyjamas (and FC duly obliged )

My 8.5 year old still believe in FC, TF, easter bunny etc. In fact we are going through a massive fairy phase where we have to put 2 slabs of turkish delight on the window every evening for the fairy to eat, yum!!
I would love to know what this santa tracking thing is so that we can do it this year, can someone enlighten me?
Ta!

Thank you everyone. It was good to hear that actually, at their age, most kids still believe anyway . I have very little idea about NT kids, (weird little things that they are ) so it was good to learn.

Lapin, you asked if people perceive them as different already - yes they do, but (so far) everyone who is in their lives in any way that means anything (iyswim) is really lovely. They are wonderful kids and everyone really likes them. The other kids in their classes are so nice and they really look out for them.

Some random people we come across can be a bit funny and we have the odd comment from strangers, but who gives a shit about the type of person who wants to bitch about vulnerable little boys anyway? but most people we encounter are great. We are very lucky in that.

Having read all your opinions, and had a chat with my wonderful sister, I think we will keep the magic alive! I don't want to take it away from them and you are right, what others think doesn't really matter.

However, I am now worried how they will cope when (if?) they realise we have lied to them. I fear that will be hard for them. We'll have to have a think about how to explain that.

When I say 'we', you may think that I mean me and my husband.

Oh no, I mean you lot and me, of course

ds's are just fortunate they did not grow up with an EVIL big sister who,on Christmas Eve, told her 5 year old sis that she would get no gifts this year as Santa is dead.
Don't you think so HECATE?

a lot of kids know the truth but want to believe in that magic so much - they go along with it until they are at least 12 anyway. so i would say you have a few years yet

after that it would get a bit tricky, i don't know the level of the autsm, or how you are going to expect them to interact socially - but after about age 12, i think that if they are going to be in everyday social situations as part of their lives, schools college, job etc - then your role ( as horrible as it is) is to ensure that they can function in that society. so i think at that point you will have to tell them

but i reckon you have a couple of years yet

shiver

I take it you are still mad about that, 40 years later then....

unfortunately so.

up yours 40 years on.b*tch

That's hilarious! Hecate!!! So, naughty! Poor you Shiver

That is exactly it, custy, that is what made me have this dilemma - the magic of it and their innocence v functioning in the world 'out there'.

tbh, at this stage, we have no idea what their level of independence is likely to be. But one thing I know is that the world does not change for you, you have to fit in with it.

Am VERY glad to hear time is on my side! apart from anything else, I don't think I am ready to give up the magic yet

calm down shiver, stop grinding your false teeth, dear...

dont care how old you pretend i am, everyone knows you are big sis.so feel free to keep bumping up the years old timer.

Sign into YAHOO, you old trout.

Sometime ago dd asked me if God really exists, I just said that some people think that. She seemed ok with that answer.

Maybe if your dsses ask you re FC you could say something similar?

I could Mercy if/when they ask, I think that might soften the blow! thanks.

My friends very streetwise 12 yo stopped believing last year when he was 11.5. He talked to his mother and assured her he wouldn't say anything to his sisters. He says he only believes a bit, not completely like he used to.

dd (and friends) believed until she was 11, last year, so I don't think you need tell yet.
Lovely girl-next-door age 16 still puts out bucket of water for reindeer.
My father, aged 80, never forgot that one Christmas Eve he heard reindeer bells.
Suggest over the next 2 or 3 years Santa (possibly a myth) is allowed to morph gently into Christmas magic (definitely true).

crikey, my ds1 rumbled it last year at the age of 6...I haven't actually confirmed it to him yet, as ds2 is only 4 and I really wanted a few chrismtases when they could both be really into it. I don't know what will happen this year, but I am going to play it along as long as I can...

Elliot, dd was 5½ when she stopped believing but agreed to keep it a secret for ds' sake!

I'm expecting to be asked soon too. Ds is 10 now and mentioned a year ago that other class mates had said FC wasn't real. I said, Of course he's real! they obviously have it wrong! He seemed relieved. I'll certainly make sure he knows befor year 7 as I don't want him to be ridiculed. But he will need to keep up the magic for his little sister.
He also still believes in the TF, but I think that's most likely because he thinks he won't get paid for his lost teeth(by me)if he admits he knows the truth.

Coco, I tell Ds that I have to send a cheque to FC to pay him for the toys too! Awww!