Halloween exclusion

[LondonMumra]

I opened the door at Halloween to most of my DD’s Y2 class (and parents). Someone had organised a party followed by trick or treating and not invited my DD. Then they had the gall to knock on my door and ask for treats en masse. My DD was upset and confused about why she hadn’t been invited and I was livid. While she hadn’t been invited to the house party (presumably as the Mum doesn’t like me), I really think one of the parents could have asked us to join them all. When I told other friends about this I was told I was being unreasonable. I don’t think I am. Thoughts?

We were going to a house party later after doing some ToT. After they had been to the house we went out ToT.

Was every child in the class invited to that party?

Several of the parents knew it was my house yes. Not the host. It felt v confronting but I can concede that the ones that knew wouldn’t have had control over the houses visited.

Why didn't you take her trick or treating yourself?

That's what I used to do when I only had one child. We'd go together and invariably meet other kids on the street having fun.

No not everyone in the class. Most of her friends were though.

How do you know they were at a party?

Sorry for my laziness - by ToT I meant trick or treating. So yes I did take her out between the visit and before the house party.

I know other mums whose kids / they were invited to it.

So if everyone wasn’t invited to the second party but you were happy for your DD to attend, why was that okay but the other party wasn’t?

I don’t know if she does or not, I was speculating.

Yes they all went straight from the party.

It was a party for their building, not the school. And of course people should invite who they want to their parties. That was never the point. This was about when most of her friends turned up at the door and no one thought to say hey why not tag along.

Very cunty OP, I agree. Not unusual in my experience. Many people lack emotional intelligence, especially when it comes to the feelings of children that are not their own special soldier/princess. Few of em on this thread.

Having never posted online like this, I have been interested to get different perspectives. Always good to step out of your echo chamber. HOWEVER, I have been surprised at the lack of empathy / nuance of some. Mumsnet ain’t for the faint of heart!
I really enjoyed your post though - thank you for making me smile x

Just to make life easier next time, if you "quote" the post you're replying to (or copy and paste the relevant bit in bold formatting) it makes it easier for people to understand what you're saying/ answering.

Not meant meanly - it's quite common for newcomers not to notice it...

I’d be the same as you absolutely gutted for dd , honestly not sure what you can do apart from let her know it’s them not her . I found my dds freinds parents extremely clicky at that age , and friendships were usually forced around who the parents were freinds with . I struggled massively with the click as I’m not social atall but found dd made friends outside of school by joining clubs , trips to local parks etc . And don’t worry my dd is now in secondary school and the parents aren’t involved in the friendship process now . I used to be that parent that held whole class parties as I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone being left out .
i love secondary school 🤣🤣🤣.
i think anyone telling you , your being precious hasn’t had this happen to their child , as I can’t believe any parent wouldn’t be upset for their child hugs to you and your dd xx

That is really helpful - thank you.

It was a genuine question from someone, your response is arsey. Are you normally rude ? Maybe this is why you haven't been invited 🤷‍♀️

Yes this is me - having whole year parties as I hate the thought of kids not being included! And I have had mums reach out to me thanking me as their child never usually gets invited. How awful.

I told DD they had all gone out and bumped into each other on the street. What else could I say?!

It is very cliquey and yes the (outside the school gate) friendships are basically based on who their mums are mates with. Roll on secondary (but please don’t grow up too soon!).

Thank you for your thoughtful message. This is the social media experience I was hoping for. xx

I think it’s hurtful that they knocked on your house knowing your child would see them all together and know she’s not a part of it / see it going on. It’s cruel and unnecessary.

Not being invited to the party is a different issue, we can’t all be invited to everything and there may be reasons. They should have respectfully missed your house.

I suppose I responded like that as the question had felt unnecessarily pedantic, missed the point, was looking to provoke.

I suppose I responded like that as the question had felt unnecessarily pedantic, missed the point, was looking to provoke.

(Posted again as forgot about doing the quote part so that my response is attached to the appropriate post.)

Absolutely. And a life lesson - we can’t all be invited to everything, as you say.

Maybe they assumed you’d already been out with her!

They didn’t have to invite DD, crap as it is.

But they shouldn’t have gone to your house.

it was her daughter who wasn’t invited, what kind of parent would leave out a child because they found the parent arsey and then be nasty enough to knock on the child’s door to rub it in . Seriously are you one of the parents 🤣