Accidentally traumatised toddler DD and she now refuses to nap

[ThatLoudCat]

Title is dramatic but that's what I feel I've done!

DD is two next month. MIL is staying and we though we'd take the opportunity to leave her at home, while we took baby DS to a Dr appt that overlapped DD's naptime.

Anyway, she was hysterical when she woke up and realised that we weren't there.

It's been 3 days now and she screams and cries at the mention of naptime and will just completely refuse no matter what I do. She's so overtired by the afternoon that she ends up having screaming tantrums in the afternoon and eventually wearing herself out and passes out on the sofa. This ends up being way too late of a nap and messes with bedtime too.

How do I fix this?

Oh whoops 🙈 I'd probably try car naps for a week (not ideal with fuel prices right now) or have her cuddle in your bed to change the routine a bit. And make sure you're definitely there when she wakes.

I know, nightmare! 🙈 I honestly didn't expect it. She'd been having a fab time with grandma the whole week.

Unfortunately, car naps aren't an option. DH has the car for work in the week. I've tried cuddling in my bed but she wasn't having it that either.

Oh gawd!! I feel for you! When my little one didn't want to nap I'd say that I'd wake him up after ten mins so that he would only have a tiny nap. Obviously I wouldn't, I'd just run upstairs as he stirred and pretend I'd woken him. But maybe something similar would reassure her that you are definitely still there?! Otherwise it might be the end of napping and you'll just have to bring bedtime forward

I'd try either a buggy nap or putting a movie on and seeing if she passes out in front of the TV. You might need to wait a bit beyond her normal naptime so she's really tired.

Is MIL still there? I'd also try sending MIL out with the baby at naptime so your DD knows that you're there with her and won't leave because MIL isn't there. It's a long shot but child logic is weird and it might be the presence of MIL that's triggering the memory.

Try sitting on the sofa with her with a pile of her books , have a little snuggle and do some stories , even better if MIL is there and can take the baby out

Could you try Mummy is really tired , let’s have a sleep together ?

Oh no!

I think I would make her a little storyboard or mini book explaining what happened, and showing that for future naps, Mummy (or Daddy) will be there when she wakes up - it might help? It seemed to help my DC process things before they had much verbal understanding. You don't need to be a great artist, stick people with recognisably the right hair and a favourite item of clothing is enough for them to recognise who it is.

Maybe drop the nap, as this will solve the problem, and she can just sleep longer overnight.

Oh dear, if that’s the reason then you will have to establish that safety net again. If the grandma still around, it might be hard. Send her away during nap time and cuddles. It will take a few days for them to trust that you will be there when they wakes up.

Talk to her and explain. They understand so much more than you think at this age. Next time explain to her in advance if you'll be going out.

Take her for a very long walk/ run and then let her nap in the car while you sing to her alongside a nice calming song. Then eventually she will associate that song with you and calm and you can maybe try her in pram with the song playing then home

I dunno, tell her she's too old for naps now but you are having story time. But she lies down in a quiet room with her eyes shut while you tell or play stories in a quiet soothing voice

Lots of kids are in childcare by this point, so it’s definitely something to work on - either dealing with change or a regression that happened to have been timed with nap time. if it’s the former, you can’t change it, only show that you are there for here, be there for her and maybe nap a couple of times with her? If it’s the latter, then you just need to wait it out. I had two under two and it was hard but it gets better with time.

Nap with her.

Sorry can't work out if you left her home alone or with your MIL

Christ. She's not traumatised

I assumed with MIL, but you’re right it’s not clear.

Did you forewarn her or just creep out while she was sleeping?
Have you tried saying sorry and you aren’t leaving ?

It is clear, of course it’s clear!

I know, of course it’s clear. Why would they have taken the opportunity to leave their child home alone because their MIL was staying? It’s easier to leave a toddler alone when you don’t have guests surely.

As the op hadn't mentioned her husband and had said DD is 2 and Mil is staying so we took the opportunity to leave her at home. So no it is not clear.

Of course it's clear. She says dd had been having so much fun with grandma, so they didn't expect her to be upset to wake up to grandma.

Op, I think the only mistake you made here was not warning dd. They really do understand a lot. Apologise for not warning her and promise you will next time.

It reads like you left her alone at home and you and MIL took DS to Dr.
If so, isn't this illegal?
If this is the case it's pretty bad! Why couldn't you have taken him to Drs alone? Leaving MIL at home?

I’d copy nursery like another poster suggests,
say it’s rest time, dim the lights have a cuddle or hold hands and stay in the room the whole time. Even if she doesn’t sleep it’s still a rest.

Of course shes not traumatised FFS. Just do naps in a buggy or maybe shes ready tk stop anyway. Mine is nearly 2 and sometimes doesnt nap.

Oh you mean you left MIL at home with her? I read it as you and MIL took the baby to the Drs and left the 2 year old alone at home.