Accidentally traumatised toddler DD and she now refuses to nap

[ThatLoudCat]

Title is dramatic but that's what I feel I've done!

DD is two next month. MIL is staying and we though we'd take the opportunity to leave her at home, while we took baby DS to a Dr appt that overlapped DD's naptime.

Anyway, she was hysterical when she woke up and realised that we weren't there.

It's been 3 days now and she screams and cries at the mention of naptime and will just completely refuse no matter what I do. She's so overtired by the afternoon that she ends up having screaming tantrums in the afternoon and eventually wearing herself out and passes out on the sofa. This ends up being way too late of a nap and messes with bedtime too.

How do I fix this?

I can't believe some posters are honestly thinking that I left a toddler at home alone.

Apologies that I wasn't clear enough! I don't have a licence yet and our son is breastfed so my husband and I both had to go to the doctors appointment. We left DD at home with MIL.

I did explain to DD that grandma was looking after her and that we'd be back soon.

She's thankfully started napping again since yesterday! Thanks everyone for your replies.

I was being dramatic, but it was also a bit tongue in cheek.

It's 37 degrees outside by midday so pram naps are out, unfortunately. I definitely think she still needs a nap for now. She's so cranky whenever she skips one or doesn't sleep long enough.

Consistency.

Ok so for 3 naps shes been a bit difficult but you are the adult her sense of safety and consistency so carry on with what youve always done instead of suddenly changing things.

She needs you to be the parent and for her normal routine to be the same yes shes had 3 unsettled afternoons but she's also probably exhausted and out of routine

Of course it's clear. They left her because the MIL was staying, they left her with MIL.

Firstly its completely clear she left the child with MIL

Secondly, we really must stop overusing technical psychological terms for normal emotional experiences.

She isnt traumatised. She was upset and is worried it may happen again, it confused her is all. She will move past it, there have been lots of good ideas on here to get her used to sleeping again.

What happened for her to be traumatised, did MIL wake her up or not see to her when she woke up. I’ve looked after children who have woken up from naps and my own have woken up when DH & I may not have been there, they have never been traumatised.

I think I’d be having a few naps with dd so she feels safe but I’d be questioning why this happened the one time you leave her with someone else.

Yes, you're completely right! It's been an unsettled couple of months in general. We've moved to a new country and she has a new sibling too. Her whole world has changed pretty suddenly. I think it was probably a mistaken to leave her. I just genuinely didn't think it would be a problem.

I do need to prioritise getting a new routine firmly in place for us all.

Yes, I apologise for saying traumatised.

I do appreciate all the good ideas. They have been helpful.

Surely he could have taken him alone. He wouldn’t have been gone long enough to starve to death.

I 100% don't think MIL did anything to cause this. She was just upset to have been left.

I saw you said you were being tongue in cheek sorry, but I do get pissed off with this because other people do use it and they genuinely think a child has suffered some trauma!

Ah well its a MIL so she must have done something wrong eh?

There is nothing particularly unusual about this child's response, she just got a surprise and was confused and it upset her.

I'm sure he wouldn't have starved to death, but he would've been quite upset. Especially after getting his jabs. He fed in the waiting room and right after his jabs.

I just didn't forsee DD being upset too.

Your child is not traumatized

If anything you need to be doing this more often to build up some resilience and have her get used to being looked after by other people!

Just tell her next time. Don’t wait until she is asleep and leave. We’re off out DD to X, we will be back at X. Love you, have a good time with granny. Bye!

It would be great if we could do that. We don't have anyone we can leave her with regularly though.

OP, if you ever have ti leave her again, make a little phone video in what’s app to tell your DD that you’ll be home very soon. Children do actually seem to be reassured by pictures and videos of parents - your DD needed reassurance that you would be coming back: next time, talk it through before the event and send pics/videos so that Granny has something to show her.

Make a nap time tent in the living room or something like that, change the actual nap location so it’s not linked to the previous one and make it a fun activity, use a story box, I used one with my son when he was a toddler and we now use the sleep app calm now he’s older. Make it cosy and small like a cosy den with the sleep story box or app.

I'd say that your daughter is generally unsettled due to moving countries and a new sibling being born. It's left her feeling insecure and confused. Waking up and discovering Mummy, Daddy and her baby brother had disappeared upset and frightened her. It may be that if moving/new sibling hadn't happened, she'd have taken you all not being there in her stride.

She just needs to feel secure again. Try and get yourselves into a decent routine, which I know can be difficult with a young baby. Consistency is the key here.

I'm glad to hear your daughter has started napping again. My son was 2 years 4 months, when he dropped a nap, so you may not have too long before that happens anyway.

I've not read everyone else's responses, so they may have made these (or, likely, better) suggestions already but I would:

1. in future always explain before sleep time if the usual suspects (Mum, Dad, whoever) won't be around when they wake up and who will be there. Also reassure her, now, that you will be there when she wakes up if she falls asleep and, if you won't be, you'll tell her (I'd say this at a time that isn't nap time).

2. change the name of nap time and simultaneously amend the routine e.g. chill time. Would you previously have put her in bed, had a drink, a story, got in with her? Mix it up - introduce a drink or a story, where there might not have been one before (I think stories in bed are particularly helpful to help wind down), do part of the routine upstairs that was previously downstairs or part of the routine downstairs that was previously upstairs, sit on the floor and hold her hand or climb in (whatever you didn't do previously).

3. stay with her longer, or maybe the whole nap (very difficult with another child) for the first few, just until she re-settles.

4. try music or a talking story as a distraction.

I find stories in bed are the best and reassurance I'll be there when they wake up ☺️