Has any mother given their child’s father custody?

[KazHaopin53917]

Long story short and I know this sounds selfish.. but I don’t want to be dragged through the courts by my ex partner and father to our toddler. Do I just hand over custody now? I don’t have the funds or energy to fight him, I’m miles away from family and friends and life has been tough lately and I’m just exhausted (I know there absolutely awful things happening in the world elsewhere)
I feel awful even thinking this but unless I go through the courts, there is no way I can agree something with my ex partner amicably. I know this will affect my relationship with my toddler when they’re older but I would hope they would understand.

Nevermind your relationship being affected what about your poor child and the effect on them. You hope they’d understand? Jesus….

Unfortunately OP is in a sticky situation if the house is in her partner's name only as then he can ask her to leave.

Unmarried partners: If your name is on the deeds alone and there is no formal agreement giving them a stake, your partner legally has the status of a bare licensee. You can give them "reasonable notice" to leave. 1]
If they refuse: You cannot physically throw them out, change the locks, or harass them, as this can lead to legal penalties. If they refuse to go after reasonable notice, you must apply to court for a possession order or an order of ejection. 1, 2, 3]

3 hours is too far and he would probably do Prohibitive Steps Order to stop you leaving local area.

you need to stay within 45 mins of the home your child originally had. Can you get a cheap 1 bed flat. (You sleep on sofa). Could you get a council house? Worse case go to a women’s refuge if you have evidence of abuse.

i really don’t don’t think you should give him the toddler and go and live with family 3 hours away

You automatically get custody as the mother? Perhaps historically.

I think the default is 50:50 in modern day

My friend never got over this even decades later.
Don't do it , do everything possible to prevent the future emotional destruction of your child, under no circumstances don't leave them.

@Beachbeach Absolutely. The default is now 50:50.

I don't think so- how many single parent families do you know where it is the Dad?

Are you just guessing at this stuff rather than having any knowledge?

50:50 is starting point. They don’t automatically give full custody to mothers, not for a long time. Perhaps in the 1980s this was more common.
if mothers are getting full custody now it’s because the dad doesn’t want to be involved not because the court has chosen the mother.

and also your point about single dads is not really relevant. 50:50 means both parents are involved

Because the dad doesn’t generally want to have the child full time.

It was 50:50 in the family courts for us in 2014.

@OhamIreally Frequently not 50:50 either. DD is a family barrister and most parents don’t share equally because it’s impossible. Most have to take a pragmatic view on parenting but that doesn’t make them poor parents. No court awards 50:50 if it’s not reasonably manageable and in the interests of the child. Moving children from pillar to post if parents don’t live near each isn’t in their interest. Frequently lack of money prevents this. The child does not benefit and that’s what matters. It’s not about parents dividing up a child into equal parts to suit their own wants.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner Depends on whether both parents are requesting 50/50. Parents will be treated equally insofar as one does not take "priority" over the other.

You are being bullied and dominated by your Ex. Lots of what he is saying is incorrect. Please go and speak to your GP (you sound depressed), your local domestic abuse service and find a free legal half hour. Maybe repost in the legal matters board about the living situation and his proposal. You can of course walk away, lots of men do after all, but I'm not sure you are in the right state of mind or in possession of full facts to make that decision. Have you got any strong family or friends who can stand alongside you in sorting through this. Solicitors letters are terrifying until you learn they mean diddly squat, they can threaten and demand all they want in terms of suggestions but court will not let him just have everything! You can self represent at court. GET HELP and good luck