Page 3 | Four week old unsettled after night feed and I am exhausted- send help

SharM1018 · 2026-08-19T07:09:42+00:00

I have a 4 week and his night time has become exhausting. He has a bath then a 5oz bottle and he falls asleep about 9pm….. He wakes bout 1am for his next,another bottle at 5oz, he usually poops, burped and back to bed…. That’s when everything goes downhill…..he settles for 10mins and then wakes up restless and this continues for hours! I try burping him, white noise, swaddling, rocking, nothing works….. he has a dummy which he either spits out and acts like he can’t find OR he sucks on it like I haven’t just feed him. I have no idea what to do. I am at the point that I’m crying cause I’m so tired and frustrated at 3am. I don’t have anyone to get up with him and I have a 13month so can’t just take him for a walk. any help is appreciated

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LoveHearts69 · 19/08/2026 10:51

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 10:16

I’m willingly to try anything so will try skin to skin…… it’s not I won’t co sleep it’s the fact I can’t co sleep as it wouldn’t be safe.

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If the reason it’s unsafe is because of your partner then he needs to go sleep elsewhere, if he’s expecting you to be getting up each time and him not help then he needs to go
sleep on the sofa.

Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 10:52

Babyboomtastic · 19/08/2026 10:24

Have you sought any help and advice regarding this? It's easy to think he'd be able to take the kids, and he may be using it to blackmail you in to stay effectively, but if we have to be very extreme circumstances in your past which would make it a risk.

And realistically he's not going to want to take the kids. He can't even be bothered to make a bottle when he's awake. He's a waste of space father, who plays no role in caring for the children you have together by the sound of it. In terms of the other four, how often does he see them? I'm guessing they're not with you full time or even half the time, or you'd mention it. And given he says nothing wrong the household that would mean you looking after six kids. So I'm assuming he doesn't see them much either.

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so My past involves my oldest child who is a toxic teenager and doesn’t live at home anymore and some professionals who didn’t do there job proper but I don’t want to air too much on here.

regarding his other four kids, he sees them every weekend at their house, they don’t come to mine so I don’t have to look after them or anything.

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Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 10:53

LoveHearts69 · 19/08/2026 10:51

If the reason it’s unsafe is because of your partner then he needs to go sleep elsewhere, if he’s expecting you to be getting up each time and him not help then he needs to go
sleep on the sofa.

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Oh no nothing like that, I am sleeping on the sofa most of the time anyways just not very wide to share

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Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 10:55

LoveHearts69 · 19/08/2026 09:23

I have a baby the same age and co sleep in bed with her from 7pm as my partner has to get up early for work And I’m breastfeeding. If I wasn’t co sleeping we’d take it in turns to be up with them for shifts in the night (with him bringing her up to me for feeds) as baby is still so young.

Are you going to bed as early as you can? My husband puts the older ones to bed while I go to sleep with the baby at least.

Edited

Yes I try to go to sleep as soon as the baby is in bed, the oldest goes to bed at 7.
I trying to get some kinda rhythm going.

if I’m lucky I can get both to nap at the same time and squeeze a cheeky hour nap in.

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Peonies12 · 19/08/2026 10:57

Please please please stop sleeping on the sofa if you are going to have the baby with you. It is so dangerous. You will fall asleep holding the baby and being on a sofa is high risk.
You need to set up safe cosleeping just you and baby on a double mattress, and your partner take the sofa.

Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 10:59

Wishimaywishimight · 19/08/2026 10:38

But surely he would not 'take the kids' it sounds like he has little or no interest in them. He sounds bloody awful to be honest but presumably he manages to at least financially support all 6?

Do you really want to stay with a man like this? Could you support yourself if you left? A huge challenge with 2 babies so I completely understand this may be impossible at the moment.

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No I don’t think he would take but I know he could if that makes sense.

I pay all the bills and support and look after the household.

he pays child support for his four oldest children with his ex. But I can’t remember the last time he brought nappies or milk etc for the younger two.

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Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 11:01

LittleDoveMama · 19/08/2026 09:27

I’m 11 months in now, and honestly, my daughter was exactly like this at that age. I remember those nights so well, and I really feel for you. ❤️
Have you tried lots of skin-to-skin contact? Obviously, falling asleep with your baby on your chest or next to you isn’t safe, but if you know you can stay fully awake ,or there’s someone there who can make sure you don’t doze off, you could try letting him settle on your chest for a while before transferring him back to his cot. That used to really calm my daughter down.
Another random thing that made a surprisingly big difference for us was the way we prepared her formula. You can find videos on Instagram showing ways to prepare bottles without creating loads of bubbles/foam, which can mean less swallowed air. It sounds like such a tiny thing, but for us it genuinely helped with her nighttime discomfort.
And please don’t beat yourself up for feeling frustrated or crying at 3am. I’ve absolutely been there. The sleep deprivation at that stage is brutal, especially when you’ve got another tiny one to look after as well. You’re only four weeks in and everything still feels relentless, but it does change. Hang in there — I promise this exact stage won’t last forever. ❤️

I will try more skin to skin and see if that helps.
I co slept while in hospital and got told off 🙈.

I am a bottle swirler not a shaker now.

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Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 11:03

Peonies12 · 19/08/2026 10:57

Please please please stop sleeping on the sofa if you are going to have the baby with you. It is so dangerous. You will fall asleep holding the baby and being on a sofa is high risk.
You need to set up safe cosleeping just you and baby on a double mattress, and your partner take the sofa.

Oh I don’t co sleep on the sofa don’t worry.

its easier being in the lounge with feeds, walking round with the baby and the crying not waking my oldest….. plus sleep deprivation and stairs aren’t a good combo for me.

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Hotupnorth · 19/08/2026 11:12

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 10:59

No I don’t think he would take but I know he could if that makes sense.

I pay all the bills and support and look after the household.

he pays child support for his four oldest children with his ex. But I can’t remember the last time he brought nappies or milk etc for the younger two.

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What does this guy bring to the party?

If you're in the UK I really wouldn't worry about you our kids being taken away from you. I appreciate the toxic mess leaving might cause though. 💐

niceandsimple · 19/08/2026 11:15

can you afford a night nurse for a night or two. it would help you to sleep, but also they may be able to advise you, after spending time with the baby and seeing your setup. It is expensive, but it may give you the mental strength you need. As from your updates, it is clear the exhaustion is fueled by the huge emotional strain you are under as well as the "normal" newborn days exhaustion.
Also, make sure you give yourself 5 mins here and there to not do what needs to be done, and sit down with a cup of tea, or a good book, or whatever it is that you love to do to relax!! You are no good to anyone if you can't look after yourself. And I do know this is easier said than done.
💐💐

Babyboomtastic · 19/08/2026 11:21

He's not going to take your kids. You sounds like you're useless dad of the 6 he's got already. Whilst I'm glad you're not looking after his four, if he was a decent dad would be seeing the more than at the weekend at the other house. Your home should also be their home. So no he's not a good dad to them, he just slightly less useless.

If you live in the UK there is next to no chance of the kids living full time with him. If, because of your past there would be concerns about your parenting to the degree they'd give full-time custody to someone so useless (who does no parenting) then social services would be looking into your care now.

I expect this is just him putting it in your mind, and you been terrified that he's right. I get the feeling (maybe I'm wrong), from indications you've given here that is a lot more going on in the relationship. If (which I suspect) this is an abusive relationship - could be physically, sexually, emotionally, financially etc, then there's a lot of help out there for you to escape with your children.

Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 11:21

Hotupnorth · 19/08/2026 11:12

What does this guy bring to the party?

If you're in the UK I really wouldn't worry about you our kids being taken away from you. I appreciate the toxic mess leaving might cause though. 💐

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thats a very good question!

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Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 11:25

Babyboomtastic · 19/08/2026 11:21

He's not going to take your kids. You sounds like you're useless dad of the 6 he's got already. Whilst I'm glad you're not looking after his four, if he was a decent dad would be seeing the more than at the weekend at the other house. Your home should also be their home. So no he's not a good dad to them, he just slightly less useless.

If you live in the UK there is next to no chance of the kids living full time with him. If, because of your past there would be concerns about your parenting to the degree they'd give full-time custody to someone so useless (who does no parenting) then social services would be looking into your care now.

I expect this is just him putting it in your mind, and you been terrified that he's right. I get the feeling (maybe I'm wrong), from indications you've given here that is a lot more going on in the relationship. If (which I suspect) this is an abusive relationship - could be physically, sexually, emotionally, financially etc, then there's a lot of help out there for you to escape with your children.

Edited

So regarding my past it is due to my oldest and some accusations she falsely made which have left a black mark on me for life so SS etc won’t be on my side.

he goes there every weekend and stays the night.
he works during the week therefore it isn’t an option to see them more. They are 2hours away by train as well. Plus we don’t have the space to have six kids in our home at once sleeping over.

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Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 11:28

niceandsimple · 19/08/2026 11:15

can you afford a night nurse for a night or two. it would help you to sleep, but also they may be able to advise you, after spending time with the baby and seeing your setup. It is expensive, but it may give you the mental strength you need. As from your updates, it is clear the exhaustion is fueled by the huge emotional strain you are under as well as the "normal" newborn days exhaustion.
Also, make sure you give yourself 5 mins here and there to not do what needs to be done, and sit down with a cup of tea, or a good book, or whatever it is that you love to do to relax!! You are no good to anyone if you can't look after yourself. And I do know this is easier said than done.
💐💐

I can’t afford a night nanny sadly as maternity pay is shocking in the uk.

posting on here and reading and replying is helping weirdly.

I am thinking of taking him to a chiropractor to see if that might help.

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niceandsimple · 19/08/2026 12:24

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 11:28

I can’t afford a night nanny sadly as maternity pay is shocking in the uk.

posting on here and reading and replying is helping weirdly.

I am thinking of taking him to a chiropractor to see if that might help.

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i don't know much about chiropractors, but have been to a reflexologist, for both myself and the kids and have found it helpful.
Sometimes just talking things through - even through anonymous online forums - really helps. I know that with my youngest things were very tough, and it was the only time I went to mum and baby groups, as i needed to be around other mothers. I found it so helpful even though none had the issues I did.
It is very isolating being with a newborn...
I'm glad this thread is helping you a bit.

Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 13:42

niceandsimple · 19/08/2026 12:24

i don't know much about chiropractors, but have been to a reflexologist, for both myself and the kids and have found it helpful.
Sometimes just talking things through - even through anonymous online forums - really helps. I know that with my youngest things were very tough, and it was the only time I went to mum and baby groups, as i needed to be around other mothers. I found it so helpful even though none had the issues I did.
It is very isolating being with a newborn...
I'm glad this thread is helping you a bit.

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Reflexologist sounds interesting, might look into it.

the mum and baby group around here aren’t very friendly and I’m not a people person so online is the best option for me.

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Ponderingwindow · 19/08/2026 13:48

I would try waking him sooner and feeding a smaller bottle. I know that is the opposite of what other people are saying, but it may just be that in the night the 5oz bottle is too much. Try feeding 3-4oz at midnight and then again at 3am.

Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 14:23

Ponderingwindow · 19/08/2026 13:48

I would try waking him sooner and feeding a smaller bottle. I know that is the opposite of what other people are saying, but it may just be that in the night the 5oz bottle is too much. Try feeding 3-4oz at midnight and then again at 3am.

little and more often theory…… he has only been on 5ozs for the last 2 nights and this has been going on longer.

I used to dream feed my oldest so might be worth a try

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Babyboomtastic · 19/08/2026 14:27

He sleeps over with his ex every week?

This just gets worse.

Seriously though, if SS thought you were a risk they'd be doing something about it now.

Have you sat him down and told him he needs to do more, that you're struggling and that from now on he needs to pull his weight? Sleep deprivation shared between two is much more manageable.

You are letting yourself be bullied by the one person who is supposed to have your back.

Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 15:29

Babyboomtastic · 19/08/2026 14:27

He sleeps over with his ex every week?

This just gets worse.

Seriously though, if SS thought you were a risk they'd be doing something about it now.

Have you sat him down and told him he needs to do more, that you're struggling and that from now on he needs to pull his weight? Sleep deprivation shared between two is much more manageable.

You are letting yourself be bullied by the one person who is supposed to have your back.

From What I am told she isn’t there when he stays over but I am going by what he has said.

SS don’t believe I am a risk but one call or slightest sniff and they would be all over like a rash.

I have said something to him and it goes in one ear and out the other, plus in the last four weeks he has barely been home.

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Devilsmommy · 19/08/2026 15:54

Does he finish the whole 5oz bottle? Because if he does then he probably is still hungry so I'd give him a bit extra and see if it makes a difference

Original poster

SharM1018 · 19/08/2026 15:58

Devilsmommy · 19/08/2026 15:54

Does he finish the whole 5oz bottle? Because if he does then he probably is still hungry so I'd give him a bit extra and see if it makes a difference

He does finish the 5oz just sometimes just under, I have tried him with a 6oz bottle his last two feeds and he doesn’t do more than 5oz….. as I have mentioned he has only just gone up to 5oz in the last 2 days

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niceandsimple · Yesterday 08:15

how was your night last night OP?
I've just remembered something else that helped me. It sounds daft, but it really worked for me. I went to ned accepting that I would have a very disturbed night. So those nights, I wasn't fighting it, it was easier to cope with. And then I had occasional pleasant surprises when she did just go back to sleep. But when she didn't, most of the time, I was far calmer about it.

Original poster

SharM1018 · Yesterday 09:07

niceandsimple · Yesterday 08:15

how was your night last night OP?
I've just remembered something else that helped me. It sounds daft, but it really worked for me. I went to ned accepting that I would have a very disturbed night. So those nights, I wasn't fighting it, it was easier to cope with. And then I had occasional pleasant surprises when she did just go back to sleep. But when she didn't, most of the time, I was far calmer about it.

Thank you for asking….. I went in with that mindset it was going to be a poop nights sleep 😂 it was better than the night before, managed a few hours sleep so small victories :)

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Original poster

SharM1018 · Yesterday 15:35

Just wanted to put an update- firstly thank you for your comments and I have tried to reply to them all.

last night was better than the night before so small victory even managed to have a cheeky shower while he slept 👌

me and the baby have our six week check next week so will be discussing the night time issue with them. Going to record how he is at night instead of trying to explain what happens.

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Four week old unsettled after night feed and I am exhausted- send help

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