Managing frequent arguments between step-siblings and siblings in a blended family

[Countryrose12]

Hello, and thank you for taking the time to read.

I am just seeking others experience and views on the below.

I am in a blended family, I have two bio children, Husbund has one bio child who stays at weekends.

Bio son and step son get on okay (few arguments but nothing major), but mainly Bio daughter and Step son argue and scrap whenever they are together. The past weekend due to activities they only spent about 3 hours in the same proximity and still it ended in arguments and name calling.

This has been continuing for months and months, I am exhausted, I feel miserable and I’m pretty sure my Husbund does. We both feel protective of our children, anyone have any suggestions please as to how this can be prevented, made better or anything? I dread the weekends. I don’t expect them to like each other, just respect each other and know when to just walk away. They are young, all under 10. Or is that a too high expectation? Any suggestions would be great thank you.

OP....do your kids see their dad?????

They only see him in the holidays which is split.

Yikes so all the kids have shit dads then...

Well the problem is you are forcing huge avoidable change on people that didn’t sign up for it. I feel for the kids. You’re personal
choices have taken priority over their happiness. The best option is to move back into separate homes.

Not really a helpful comment is it? Or even necessary? @Oscillating . Life doesn’t always go the way we planned.

But it’s all relevant information OP. Your kids effectively have your DH as a stand in dad the rest of the time as they don’t see their own dad 90% of the time. SS actively wants a relationship with his dad and your kids now playing happy families with his dad is hugely affecting him. Him having SEN and having issues regulating his emotions and struggling with transitions is also very relevant information. I don’t know why you still refuse to say how old the kids are? 🤷‍♀️

You can’t be left alone with your SS because of how aggressive he is to you when his dad isn’t there, but your young kids are expected to play nicely together with this child?
Maybe think about that for a while.
You chose to blend families knowing his child was part of the deal, your kids had no say in that and just have to suck it up, while you reproach them for squabbling with your SS, who obviously has a few issues.
Weren’t there many red flags about this before you moved in together rather too quickly than seems wise tbh.

Your post was originally about how to manage the arguments. To your credit, you have seen within just a couple of pages of posting that the issues are much bigger than that, and that much bigger changes are needed.

If you wanted to say what you have in mind, I am sure you would get more feedback and advice.

You’ve only been together for 2 years and married for one? And the children are all under 10. Wow. So the SS has seen his dad basically get a new family within a couple of years of his short life and has already been excluded from school and he’s not even 10 yet.

i’m sorry but this is one of those situations the poor kids are thrown into due to their parents’ selfishness and none of them benefit at all. You should move your children out of there and let you H parent his son.

Well no. But it is relevant that your kids are spending pretty much all their time with their step dad, far more than his own son.
It's also relevant that their dad only sees them for what... 6 weeks a year? If they only see him for half of all holidays? So your DH is more of a Dad to them perhaps than their own father ...

So from a small child's POV, their Dad
has chosen to live with these two kids who don't see their own father so he's decided he'll be their dad.... Instead of his?

How old are all these children?

Oh god... I just realised your DH wasn't even spending time with his son in his weekend? Working and "popping out" ... What is/was he popping out to do that couldn't wait or have his son tag along?

And working? Why is he having his son every weekend if he's going to work?

Youve dated moved in and married in a short time frame is it any wonder these children are struggling. You both have considered yourselves in this and not your children at all.

@Countryrose12 didn't say he got sent home, she said it causes him to leave. That could just as easily mean he flounces off because he is being called on bad behaviour. Plus his dad could just say no he can't leave and actually deal with the issues.

Still doesn't mean a prepubescent girls has to put up with being bullied in her own home.

The ages of the kids matter here. SS could be a lot younger than daughter. Also he has SEN and no child flounces home. He’s not a stroppy teen, he’s a young vulnerable confused child. And she didn’t say her daughter was being bullied, just that they were arguing like lots of siblings do. One other poster took that to mean as the SS had issues with emotional regulation that SS must be bullying her poor precious daughter. She’s still refused to give the ages of the kids which is hugely relevant to the dynamics at play here.