Anyone had severe postnatal anxiety and depression after a baby in mid-40s?

[Jennifer48]

Has anyone else had a baby in their mid-40s and experienced mental imbalance and severe anxiety and depression afterwards that did not respond to treatment? I don't enjoy anything. Neither being with the baby, nor being away from him. I am six months post-partum and have been in touch with a perinatal mental health team including a psychiatrist, psychologist and taking anti-depressants for a while but nothing has worked. I do wonder if it might have to do with my age - or breastfeeding.

I did struggle with my mental health prior to pregnancy but how I'm feeling now doesn't feel like the depression I experienced previously - before, I felt like myself when I was depressed, just a depressed me, if that makes sense. Since baby was born, I don't even feel like myself at all. It's like a very intense panic mixed, oddly, with depression, and a feeling that my life is over.

@CalmWriter dont be vile to someone who is suffering a mental health crisis.

@Jennifer48 I’m sorry you’re struggling. No one knows how or when PPD will hit, but it’s not unusual especially if you are breastfeeding which can cause extreme reactions in some people due to the hormones.
im glad youve reached out for support. How long have you been on medication? Sometimes it can be a case of trialling different options, or they can take a time to kick in.
how’s the rest of your post partum experience? Are you well supported, do you have time to yourself and are you getting much or any rest? All can feed into worsening ppd.

Whoa @CalmWriterwhat a way to kick a person while she’s down!

OP, I haven’t experienced this but I am also “so old”- it’s not that unusual these days and you haven’t done anything wrong by having a baby.

Unfortunately your hormones can do a number on you, plus people treat new mothers in quite strange and devaluing ways. It’s not unusual and not your fault.

@CalmWriterhas just done exactly the same on another thread where some poor woman has received high risk after blood tests to calculate risks of trisomies.

You’re very judgemental @CalmWriter

It’s really cruel to kick someone when they are going though an awful period of their life and just come on here for some advice or support. I hope you never find yourself in an awkward position where you’re looking for the same and someone just sticks the boot in.

Maybe your mother would have been a shit parent whether she was 25 or 45 when you were born? Maybe it had less to do with her age and more to do with her personality?

Nothing horrible ever needs to be said.

Thank you @CalmWriter you are absolutely right and spot on, and you've had plenty of attention.

Getting back to my post, do these symptoms resonate with anyone else- even slightly younger or older than me?

I was prescribed HRT after loads of ADs didn’t touch the sides. It really helped.

Early 40s, yes it was like a year long panic attack with guilt and depression waiting to jump out during any lulls in the anxiety. A few months later and i’m enjoying life with a toddler, even though I still don’t get enough sleep. I don’t think it’s age, I think it’s a crazy hormone ride plus life turned upside down plus exhaustion.

Thank you. Did you have to stop breastfeeding in order to take HRT (if you breastfed, of course)?

How long did it take the HRT to work?

I had my child at 39 and yes I can relate to these feelings. My child is now 13 months and I wouldn't say I'm enjoying life but I'd say things are a lot better than they were at 6 months and there are more moments of enjoyment. I didn't have any mental health challenges pre-child. I also think your feelings could be quite rational, given the carefree, free and autonomous life you've given up, and the challenges and sacrifices of being a mother? But probably the severity of despair and anxiety could be irrational. Having a child is a huge challenge and responsibility and very hard work, and I think feelings of depression and anxiety can be a logical reaction to that. What are your life circumstances like, do you have much support?

(Sorry, while I quoted BatildaB as I agree with her, my questions were for you, OP.)

Hello, sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. I am in my 30s but definitely think the more living we’ve done before having a first baby, the harder the adjustment is. I was woefully, woefully under-prepared for just how much the initial sleep deprivation would get to me. I have adjusted now and was put on Sertraline within the first week postpartum, which seemed to quell my anxiety enough that I could finally do the whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” thing. Two things come to mind: have you tried changing your antidepressant or dose yet? Secondly, what you say about at least having felt “yourself” during previous mental health struggles… I totally get that. I feel like, even though I’m getting by and doing alright thanks to the medication working for me, I’m still a shell of my former self and I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that I am actually just a different person now. It’s really, really hard. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone. But I really feel like I’m going to have to muster up the energy and motivation to just rebuild a new me. I just feel like the old me has gone. I’m sorry if that doesn’t make you feel any better - just wanted to express some solidarity. My DC is 12mo by the way, so I’m a little further along than you.

I have some support in the form of my mother but I don't have a partner, I am a single mother. The severity of my symptoms is scaring me because at times I feel suicidal. I don't feel any joy, I dread every day and just want to run away. I have talked and talked about this at length with the perinatal mental health psychologist but talking and the anti-depressants are not helping one bit.

, if you’re speaking from experience, that’s just your experience. it’s not experience of most women of that age

It started to work in a week. I can’t remember if I was still breast feeding - unlikely as didn’t go to my GP until 4 months PP and had had a whole series of AD dose increase before. It wasn’t a licensed treatment he was honest about that but he described seeing some women who had this total hormonal wipeout. My symptoms were very physical - like someone had unplugged my energy source, my whole back and shoulders were a lead weight and my husband had to roll me out of bed in the morning. I had intrusive thoughts and would just loose things - and be totally absent minded - put washing up liquid in the fridge etc. It was a very very difficult time. Eventually came through it. I then went on to have a terrible menopause so wonder if I am hormonally sensitive etc.

I hope you can take it hour by hour and get the medical and emotional support that you need.

I totally agree and relate.

I have tried numerous SSRIS and tetracyclics prior to pregnancy- took each for at least two months, then upped the dosage and took for another six weeks. Nothing worked.

It worries me that this may not be helped by HRT, I was hoping this might be a major hormonal shift and not just the way that things are and will likely be for some time. I expected motherhood to be hard, but I didn't expect to regret it and hate it so much. I feel like I want to throw myself out of a window.

I'm really sorry you feel that way. Honestly, I have felt the same. And I don't necessarily think it's irrational given the sacrifices and hard work motherhood involves, and the feeling of the loss of your former self. Do you have any good friends who are mothers? What motivated you to become a mother? Does that motivation feel fulfilled in any way? In your perinatal psychologist sessions do you feel like you are going round in circles talking about your feelings and situation or do you feel like the support is meaningful and is prompting any self-reflection, positive change or growth? Does your child have any developmental issues that may be worsening things? (It's OK if you don't want to answer any of my questions in the thread given there can be horrible people making comments too.)

What has helped me is:

• Talking to my friends. One friend's husband killed himself when their daughter was a toddler. She said, he complained so much about the shortcomings of his own parents but then look what he did to his own child, that was so much more damaging. She said she felt like she would never be happy again, but now a decade later I can truly see she is.

• Reflecting on inspirational people who have navigated hardship in a resilient way. For example, this man and his philosophy:

www.nasa.gov/people/reid-wiseman/ "Despite a long list of professional accolades, Reid considers his time as an only parent as his greatest challenge and the most rewarding phase of his life. When faced with a challenge in his personal or professional life, Reid often seeks guidance from books by experts in the subject, and maintains a growth mindset towards learning and collaborative solutions."

Life can be hard, and choosing motherhood and then struggling hugely with it is a very hard pill to swallow. But this is the only life we each have and not everyone feels the way we do about motherhood. Our children love us and need us. For me, I feel I have to rise to the challenge of navigating this new situation and finding as much happiness/joy as I can. What do you enjoy? Is there any of this that you can incorporate more of in your life?

If you can keep surviving one day at a time, or one hour or minute at a time, you are succeeding and showing what a strong person you are. As someone further down the motherhood track than you I can assure you that new challenges will become a past phase and don't last forever.

I do have more ideas and things to say but didn't want this post to be too long.

Have you considered a mother-baby unit?

I don’t know if age has anything to do with it @Jennifer48 , but I really feel for you.

It’s possible you’re being hit with a great, big, shitty hormone imbalance due to pregnancy/new baby and perimenopause?

I had my first child at 27 and had terrible PND. It wasn’t the classic presentation and (thankfully) no psychosis and I bonded with my baby and was able to care for him. But I felt like…a shell, or a husk. Just empty and anxious and completely wrong footed, like I didn’t know who I was or what I was supposed to be doing anymore?!

With many years hindsight, I can see clearly that my depression and anxiety were the result of a combination of sleep deprivation, generally quite poor health (anaemia, low vitamin D) and - the big one - the complete shock of motherhood. I’d wanted it so much and then when it happened I was totally overwhelmed. It took me several years to get to grips with the enormity of motherhood (and the drudgery!), if I’m being honest, and to find myself again. I can I imagine if you’ve had many more years of ‘freedom’ the shock could be even more profound.

Have you had some basic blood tests to rule out any deficiencies?
How is your baby sleeping?
What support do you get day to day?

Sending you hugs. It’s not easy, whatever your age. ❤️