Considering a third child at 35 to 36 with two young children

[Linensparrow]

currently have x2 DCs, 3 yo and 1yo and I am wanting a third. DH is also onboard. Financially we will be fine. We just need to ttc later than we would like as to time it with DC1 going to school so we don’t have to pay x3 nursery fees!! By my calculation I will be 35-36. Would this be OK??? We currently feel we are waiting for someone else to join us and make more noise 🤣 but at the same time, how much adjustments will we need to make to our routines? Would bedtime become harder etc? Or perhaps it was easy moving from 2 to 3? Would love your opinions

I had my 1st at 32 and my 3rd at 37.

was it easy? No.
was it doable? Absolutely.

Following this as I also have a 3 yo and 1 yo and wanting a third! We will probably start TTC about a year from now.

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t find the change from 1 to 2 anywhere near as overwhelming as having my first! I guess you’re already in a routine and the new baby just slots in with a bit of chaos for the first 6 months.

what does “financially we’d be fine” look like to you?

Your DH is “on board”
is he enthusiastic? Does he actively want a third?

36/36 is a very normal age to have a first child nowadays, let alone a third.

I had DC1 at 32, DC2 at 34 and DC3 at 36. There's 3.5 years between all of them.

It was busy but fine and we muddled through. We'd always wanted 3 DC so it didn't feel like a big deal.

I have a 4yo starting school in September, DS2 is 20m, and I'm newly pregnant with number 3. I'll be 37 when DC3 arrives. I don't think it's too late at all.

I am very much looking forward to only one set of nursery fees once DS1 starts school and before DC3 needs to go!

I found the jump from 1 to 2 really hard. I think I thought I knew what I was doing, and hadn't found number 1 that difficult to begin with. But juggling them both really threw me and we were definitely surviving not thriving for a while. I think there will always be an adjustment period and I'm more realistic about expecting that this time round. Juggling naps, bedtimes, multiple drop offs, different developmental stages etc etc. It will be tough but I'm hoping number 3 will just bring more fun and laughter and joy along with all the rough bits.

@INeedaDietcoke congratulations!!! Tbh i found my first the hardest. I had no idea wth i was doing, my life changed overnight etc. whereas 1-2 I was in it already, knew the different baby stages, was less anxious about everything as I knew everything was a phase. I also prefer having the two together now thst the gap is closing - I feel it’s too quiet with one 😅 and going to playgroups, soft play etc is doubly worth it iyswim.

@Hotthread yes he wants a third but also appreciates that he can’t share the physical burden of pregnancy with me so there’s no pressure from him. Financially we’d be fine means we don’t have to change house, we can afford car upgrade, a bigger weekly shop, still go on holiday etc.

What about financing in the future? Teens can be expensive, uni more so.

@Linensparrow Thank you! Ahh I'm glad you had it that way round - I saw so much online about 1 to 2 being easier than 0 to 1 that I didn't even really consider I might find it harder, and was totally drowning for a while!

I totally agree with you about having them both around now, mine are starting to play so well together, I hear them giggling in their room before we all get up in the morning, the smaller one is talking more and they just enjoy each other so much.

Best of luck to you with adding #3 to your gang in the future!

I’m just about to have my 4th and I’m 35. I think 1-2 is the biggest jump. Any additional children after that fit in easily IMO if you have a good routine etc.

I found 2-3 really easy. Made sure the toddler felt included in new baby (and older child too). Got them both gifts from the baby. Routines stayed the same really. Obviously babies don’t sleep well at the beginning but we managed and I don’t think it was that hard. I would say I would t have any more though as being pregnant at 35 killed me! It’s been a huge struggle and I was in the gym 4 days a week when I first fell pregnant

@INeedaDietcoke ohh that’s so cute about them giggling in the morning. Off topic- so do they share a room? Do they like it? My two don’t currently but they will if baby #3 happens as 3rd room wont be available for a while and we’d want to do one bedtime if we have another. Currently my DH takes 3yo and I take 1yo.

@Probablylate21 congratulations! That’s the other thing… I don’t want to be far into my 30s and pregnant. So hard with littles snd being pregnant although I suppose 1st and 2nd DC will entertain each other if baby #3 happens so might be easier overall??!

I also have a 3 year old and nearly 1 year old and feel torn on having another. My heart says yes but my head says no. I think we’ll probably stick with two, but maybe will always want a third.
I found 0-1 harder than 1-2, so feel like 2-3 might not be as hard as 0-1 still.
Good luck!

Was 32 with my first, now 36 with my second and it is so much harder than I remember my first, even with her being 4 and able to do a lot by herself and being at nursery a few days a week.

You would have time to change routines, such as bedtimes to make them work for you. Your eldest would be a lot more independent by the time a baby arrived.

Why does it matter to you though? Maybe her fine and your fine are two different things so if she thinks she'll be fine, that's what matters. Don't think she needs someone else's approval for that and quite frankly, feels like you asked this so you could criticise if her 'financially fine' doesn't include multiple foreign holidays or some other fancy things you may see as the norm.

36/6 is a very normal age for a third child. Both MIL and my Mum had third children at this age in the 90s so it's nothing new. Most people I know had their second or even first at this age.

Maybe her fine, at the moment, will not be fine in the future though. Who knows. I sometimes wonder about women who want another baby when they have such young children anyway. It just sounds like more hard work to me. Meh, where is my coat.

@Linensparrow yep they share a room, though it was totally unplanned. My 4yo (who has slept through since about 11mo unless ill) started to get really upset about being left on his own, and was coming through to our room multiple times a night. He was scared of monsters, or ghosts, or wizards, or whatever the flavour of the day was. We asked him if he'd feel better in a room with his brother and he was happy to try. After a few weeks we made it permanent as it massively helped him, they don't wake each other up, and it huuuugely simplifies solo bedtime. I was forever jumping between rooms before as they both wanted me to stay until asleep. Now we all do books together, into their beds they go and I'm mostly back downstairs within 20 mins. It's also freed up my 4yo old bedroom which is quite nice.

I do majority of bedtimes solo because DH cooks, walks the dog and does the dishwasher of an evening, and I'd rather punch myself in the face than do any of those jobs.

I had 1st at 30 4th 35 had twins in the middle. I found the 4th just fitted in with the routine we already had.

Anything that you won’t be able to do for your existing children by having a third that you otherwise would be able to @Linensparrow ?

We wanted to privately educate but could only do for 2, so didn’t have a third. No regrets now that they’re approaching the end of 14 years of private schooling and it’s been remarkable for them.

I had my three at 32, 34 and 36. 22 month age gaps both times, so 3y 8m between them all. The youngest is now one and a half.

I absolutely love it. 2-3 was the easiest change for us personally, though the third was also my easiest baby.

Husband and I are fortunate to have reasonably well-paid professional careers, so it’s affordable. I work part time and feel like this enables me to be around enough.

I’d love a fourth.

Your age is no problem (had mine at 37 and 41 and lots of friends are older mums.)

But three children is a ton of work. I have teenagers now and ferrying round three of them and managing the emotional upsets (we have girls) would be tough, as would 3x all the school and orthododobtist and medical appointments.

Also friends with three say it’s logistically difficult/expensive - you can never get a hotel room, restaurant table, family ticket, you need a bigger car, it’s a bigger ask for parents to babysit etc etc,

DC 30
DC2 33
DC3 35

first year with 3 was great. Thought I was aceing it!!
baby turned 12 months and has been a nightmare. Cries at absolutely everything all day long. Finding 3 kids sooo hard. I miss my big two

We love having three. Agree with everyone the pregnancies feel harder as you get older but the recovery was actually easier. If two feels too calm and “neat” for you then three will bring the chaos!!! But I love being a little gang and the way their relationships are with one another is lovely. Definitely at my limit though.

You got this ❤️
It will get easier.

P.s. I haven't got three but no people who do 😂