Can we withdraw DD11 from school before SATs over bullying concerns?

[Springged]

Hi All,

I have previously posted about this ongoing issue and this is a continuation of that. Sorry about the length of the post!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5504769-urgent-advice-dd-refused-to-go-in-to-primary-school-this-morning-due-to-threats-of-violence

In brief, DD has been bullied at her new school and the school haven’t dealt with it resulting in threats of violence from a child and the teacher making abhorrent comments including that if she continued to make accusations of bullying she would be banned from playing with other children, and she wouldn’t be supported at secondary school.

She had a lovely Easter break but has dreaded going back to school and got very upset on Sunday night.

The comments, shoves, efforts to leave her out or embarrass have continued none stop and the teacher’s done nothing.

DD11 came home yesterday and told us there had been a whole-class ball game which resulted in these three girls screaming and shouting at her, but today we got a call from the new head that there had been an incident and we needed to come in to school.

It was a meeting with the head, the awful teacher and my daughter (partner and I) in a small room. DD11 had her head down and was teary when we went in.

The teacher started by reading a statement “my daughter had written” which explained the incident which started with her and one of these girls bumping in to each other. The girl stormed off so my DD took herself away to avoid a row. This girl then followed her and was mocking her calling her a baby.

They both went to a piece of equipment but DD went to a different area of it to stay away from the three bullies, and hid under it. They then proceeded to harass her, climb over her and “accidentally” kick her. The teacher said DD admitted she was in their way (DD told us on the way home the teacher had added this and she wasn’t in their way, they’d purposefully followed her). She asked them to stop and then she was kicked in the face quite hard by the original girl and called a baby when she cried.

I’m not condoning it but DD snapped and kicked her back in the leg, DD was shoved and called names and then one of these others joined in, shoved and kicked DD whilst the third shouted insults at DD. DD grabbed the second girls arm to stop her and scratched her arm (they all agree accidentally but she admits she was also angry when it happened). This girl then ran to the teachers and we got called in (not their parents).

The teacher presented this and then continued as if we all of course agreed this was all DD fault. lol and she needed help with anger management. I stopped her, asked for the copy of the statement and pointed out all the times DD had removed herself from the situation, that this was three on one and where the bloody hell were the teachers? I don’t condone the scratching but what do they expect her to do if the teachers aren’t going to protect her?

The head asked if they were usually friends and the teacher jumped in and said they occasionally had little falling out. DP made it clear we have made several complaints about serious bullying, they are not friends and this is an ongoing problem.

I also said it was inappropriate to have this discussion in front of DD especially considering the effect of the comments made at the last meeting. Before I’d even finished the teacher jumped in raising her voice saying “I absolutely did not make those comments!” Calling me a liar. I looked at her in disbelief and the head, to her credit, looked a bit sceptical of the teacher’s response too and suggested we have another mmm meeting in the week without the teacher.

DP also pointed out that their interpretation and placing of blame was bizarre considering what we’d just heard.

The head wants a meeting with us on Thursday (hopefully without the teacher) once she’s looked through the notes made by the teacher. I pointed out no minutes from any meeting had been sent us to agree with.

DD is terrified about going back to school and being in this teacher’s class tomorrow.

I made a point of saying that DD does not trust any of them after their failure to deal with the bullying and we have serious concerns about her safety and well-being under their care. I asked what they would do to ensure her safety at school between now and Thursday and the head assured us staff would be extra vigilant.

Does anyone know if we can withdraw DD from school and skip her SATs, or taken them privately?

You can’t take SATS privately.

Are you wanting to home school her? For this you can remove her immediately and you just need to contact the school via email to deregister her.

You can keep your DD off school due to them failing to keep her safe. Make it very clear that you are doing this and way to protect yourself.
Look at school policies on bullying, keeping children safe, expected behaviour of pupils and staff.
Put together a document outlining all the issues your DD has encountered to put to the school.
Consider a formal complaint against the school/teacher in particular for failing to safeguard your DD.
Esculate to governors if needed
Maybe that your DD can literally go in and sit her SATS and then come out again - talk to the head about this.
Potentially report school to LADO and/or Ofsted.

I once refused to take my dc into school until they could confirm they could keep her safe. I emailed school at 4pm and had a meeting with the head teacher the following morning, without dc, at 8am. Thankfully I was reassured as the head teacher was great (dd was in reception and youngest in the school - a year 1 boy who was big for age “kicked dd to the ground”.)

I would write up notes of the conversation yourself and email them to the head with a timeline setting out complaints made and incidents plus how dd was impacted each time. Try not to be overly emotional, just factual.

Secondary school will do CATS testing so SATS aren’t essential. I think it can be helpful to show dc what exams are like but not essential.

As someone else who got bullied and, despite complaints made to the school, they didn't do anything: please get her out of there. Her mental health is precious, and please show her that she means more to you than to leave her festering at a school where she isn't safe. Also, the added stress of SATS will not help your DD. They're only a show of how good the school is (and not the Y6 students), and quite frankly, they sound appalling.

I’ve just taken my DD11 out of year 6 and admissions made sure she still has her place at high school in September. Meanwhile I’m homeschooling via CGP workbooks for year 6

Thanks everyone. We have her secondary place confirmed, does anyone know if this is put at risk if we take her off the register?

😯

Who rattled your cage? This poster has written previously about the treatment her daughter is receiving from these girls repeatedly, and the teacher's appalling responses.

As long as you have accepted the secondary school place, taking your DD out of primary school will have no impact. You will need to contact them to find out about transition days/settling in days but there is no reason why not being at the primary school will prevent her attending these days.

No, why would it? You need to accept the place but you don't have to continue attending a particular school afterwards.

Was your DD present throughout the whole of the meeting? That’s really inappropriate and you should have asked to stop the meeting until she was out of the room. Is there a reason why your DDs version of events changed from when she came home yesterday to the meeting today?
it sounds like there’s been a breakdown of relationship between school and yourself, so maybe homeschooling is the solution.

Removing her won’t affect her secondary spot.

Given the abhorrent behaviour of the teacher, I would keep her off school on the basis of safeguarding. Don’t withdraw her yet.

Then concurrently raise a formal complaint about the teacher, including noting that no minutes of meetings have been supplied to you and so you want to see them in order to be able to set out the ways they do not accord with reality. Given the teacher keeps lying, state that you only want to speak with the head, in the absence of the teacher, at this time.

Force them to actually engage on the bullying - and do not send DD back in at all until you have a written safeguarding plan in your hands (ie you have a copy). If that means DD doesn’t go back in, so be it.

Oh, and SATs aren’t actually needed. The secondaries do their own testing because SATs aren’t that helpful.

These kids are all going to the same secondary school. I told the head we were going to have a meeting with her new head of year to request that these girls aren’t in her form and explain what’s happened. The teacher jumped and said she always had a meeting with the new head of year and would also make the recommendation, but we don’t want this teacher expressing her views on DD.

…our youngest DD is also due to join this teacher’s class next year for two years…

That’s an excellent reason to push now for them to properly fix this. So don’t withdraw her - just withhold her as above. They don’t have to act to fix it if you deregister.

This sounds awful. Definitely do not withdraw/deregister your DD from school. Do as pps have said and raise a complaint. I hope you have a better meeting with the head on your own.

Hope you can get things sorted soon and your DD feels she can go on to secondary school.💐

@Mumofoneandone I don’t think parents can directly report to LADO. OFSTED will usually ask you to follow complaints policy before they look at anything

How awful. It sounds like the teacher should have nipped this in the bud but didn't.

Hopefully they will take this more seriously in high school.

School governor here, happy to advise and assist privately but to answer the questions

1. yes you can refuse to send her in, you need to be very clear in the wording. Use terms like "failing in their duty of care" "failing to safeguard". Do it in writing, make sure you reference their own school policies and which sections they are in breach of, cc the chair of governors and the schools LADO (local authority designated officer) their details will normally be in the school's safeguarding policy. 2)keep everything in writing, if you go into the meeting record the discussion (you legally have to tell the head that you are doing this)
2. de-registering her can impact her secondary place. However on the info you have provided here I would be appealing to have her a copied at an alternative school. I would also be finding a different school for you other child.

Yes they can.

Can I ask how did you secure the secondary school place?

SLT member here - I am so sorry your daughter isn’t getting the support she needs - well done for supporting her.
my advice would be:

1. keep her at home until you have met with the head - let them know this is why.
2. ensure in the meeting your have reported all incidents to the head.
3. ask what they are going to do to make sure she is safe AND happy in school
4. ask what sanctions will be put in place for the bullies and ask if their parents are going to be involved
5. ask what support is going to look like to restore the relationship between all the children - how will they get this situation resolved so that from now until summer all children care safe and happy. She is going to go to secondary with these girls so getting the relationship restored is even more important.
6. book in dates for weekly catch ups with the head/teacher to be updated on anything going on

If you are still not happy you can follow the schools complaints policy.

If your daughter needs a fresh start she could move schools? Perhaps to another feeder for the secondary so she builds relationships?