Who do you love and care for more?

[2cleverlovingchildren]

As title says - who do you love and care for more - DP or kids or both the same (obviously in different ways)? And if at all possible can you state why?

Kids.
I love my DP very much but kids come first. No question.

No question
my kid

I chose to have my kids, they didn't choose to be born. They are my responsibility to keep safe, fed, happy, and warm. My partner is not my responsibility, I love my partner, but they are not dependent on me for basic survival needs.
Also love my kids more. Of course I do.

It’s close but I love my kids more, though in theory I prioritise DH and he does the same for me. Our logic is we must prioritise our marriage so that we can provide stability for the kids (so we are actually prioritising them).

I love my DH but I would throw him on the floor of lava to use as a brief stepping stone to get my children to safety.

Why?

I hope this never happens but what if your partner ever did become dependent on you? Would that change your feelings or not?

Children, of course! No question about it!

Curiosity. I’d say equally but differently. My DP would say the kids, my parents would say other as they would say the grandkids, my partners mother would say grandkids and my partners father would say kids. So all differing views. Just wondered which was most common view point.

This. All day. Every time. Zero doubt or regrets.

In sickness and in health is the vows correct? I stand by that. Fingers crossed my partner didn't become dependent on me while my DC are still small. But if it ever did, of course I would take care of them, but my kids would still come first.

Good answer. I can follow that. Thanks for your honesty and responses.

This, and I would 100% want DH to do the same to me and put the kids first.

Surely kids is the only answer to this question?

When my DD was a baby I would have said DH. I don’t know if that’s because I had PND or because DH and I were very enmeshed, but either way it was how I thought I felt. But then he died and I stayed alive for DD, and now there is nothing and nobody that could ever compete with the way I feel about her. Thankfully DP – who is, as far as she’s concerned, her dad – feels the same way. As it should be, imo.

Kids obviously. I would hope DH feels the same. I know DM places my DS (her GS) above me and DBro, and as far as I am concerned that is absolutely right and proper while he is a small vulnerable child.

What about when the kid(s) grow up, move out etc? Would it still be them or would it then be your DP? Is it just while they’re dependent on you? What if they had their own kids would it then be your grandkids?

My OH could answer this I hope easily. I’ve always said, if it came to it and had to choose between me or themselves/the boys, I’m the one to be got rid of, no questions asked.

Why are you asking OP?

I think there are more dimensions to this than the question allows- it’s not more, it’s different. I love my children unconditionally- there is literally nothing that would stop me loving them. That is not true of my husband. And we have agreed that in any life-threatening situation we will both prioritise helping the children over helping each other. OTOH, my husband is my life partner, he’s the one who’ll be there (I hope) when my children have flown the nest and with whom I have chosen to build a life. These are different sorts of love and it’s not very meaningful to try and rank them.

My kids have grown up and moved out.
I think it does become less visceral as that happens. They are grown adults, not defenceless children. .
I think me and dp are much closer now.

DD. I think men find this quite hard tbh. I’m generalising, but they go from being the centre of your world to being on the sidelines and they find it rough.

Would pretty much push anyone off a cliff for me DD and DP is no exception.

The kids, absolutely. I adore my husband but the kids are our priority. Yes, we do now they are a little older take some time for us and I see that as a good thing. Us having a strong relationship is really important and beneficial to them so it's something to prioritize and nurture but they still come first.

When we had our dc we agreed that in case of emergency we would leave the other to fend for themselves and save our child, if that situation arose. We both felt the same.

My kids are older teens but I'd still choose there happiness and safety over dh.

Kids...even as adults.. l don't have a partner anymore..not for 30 years.. Kids are 40 and 32... but my Grandkids come first now.. only because daughters can take care of themselves... gosh l even loved my sisters and parents more than my partner .. well blood is thicker than water.