People’s reactions when you have a very tall/older looking toddler

[Didibluex]

Hi all,
Ds1 is 2 1/2 but is exceptionally tall for his age and looks a lot older in the face (His dad is 6ft8 and I’m 5ft8). He’s already outgrowing 4-5 year clothes.

His speech is slightly behind but not sure if this is due to him being brought up bilingual. A lot of the time people mistake him speaking his other language as babbling (XH is Arab but DS is very fair and blonde so most people are normally surprised when they find out he is half Arab.)

Whenever he has a tantrum in public, I seem to often get very judging looks. Today when we were in the supermarket queue, the lady behind tried speaking to ds and he was giving her short replies. She asked how old he was and if he was SEN. When I told her he was 2 1/2 she seemed very embarrassed and said she presumed he was 4 or 5. It’s the same when I take him to playgroups, whenever he has a tantrum I have often had dissatisfied looks until they find out his actual age and are normally shocked at it.

Has anyone experienced similar? Any advice appreciated :)

I have a giant 3year old, he towers over his preschool peers and fits into size 4-5 Clothes. Never, ever had a single comment from anyone in all kinds of situations!

Yes, I used to nanny a little girl who was 2, but was very tall and had a much older look about her & long blond gorgeous hair that wasn't typical of a toddler.

she was very bright too & quite talkative, but she was still TWO. She still wanted the toys 2 year olds play with, she didn't want to have to be the one always expected to give up the toy (she'd waited to play with ) immediately because a 'smaller' child wanted it.

play groups just became unbearable, which was sad. I'm sorry, I don't have any brilliant ideas, but you have my sympathy & support because it's bloody hard!!

People thought I was lying about her age too, as though her parents were both tall, I am NOT and her baby sister was tall too so they didn't believe there wasn't a bigger age gap.

Blimey, it was many years ago and I'm clearly holding onto a lot of resentment & sadness for her. She'll be all grown up now, maybe with kids if her own. I'm sorry I lost touch with them

@CupofTeaforWe

lucky you!! It's horrible when you do.

My daughter is also very tall for her age at 3 and has a face that makes her look older. But she talks and acts like a three year old. We’ve had many a judgemental look and it’s horrible. She’s still so young.

my mother said it was exactly the same with me as I was also tall and had an older face. Even a teacher commented on it with me that she found herself expecting more of me and being disappointed and then remembering that I was only 5 - because I looked older and was taller than the others.

I had a tall / large toddler who was precocious in speech ! This combination often led to people thinking he was 12 months older than really was. Nothing nasty though once I explained as above.
Only comments that were negative were from older women in public giving their unsolicited expert opinions such as “too big for a buggy, should be walking” and “that child should be in school”. Smile and nod is all I did

Friend's daughter is very tall at 3 and also very very bright and talkative. Fantastic vocabulary. People expect certain behaviour but she's still just turned 3 and has behaviours like 3 year olds do.

I have this with a giant 11 year old. Tall and slim. Has always been this way, and everyone including school treat her as though she’s older, and it kind of self perpetuates as she gets trusted with things and then behaves older too. Although of course she’s just like any other similarly aged child.
My recent irk is that shes a brilliant netball player, partly because of her height but mostly as she practices a lot, and she’s just desperate to be made ‘player of the match’ just once in her league matches. Never won it and I just know it’s because she’s being judged more harshly, as though she’s in a different year group. Minor stuff but annoying!

Mine were all tall throughout childhood and had a couple of times not being believed on ages for under 8s discounts etc

Yep. Supermarket worker told me I shouldn't be buying my daughter nappies. She was 2. Worker thought she was 4 🤷‍♀️

My friends are both tall and had 2 kids who were always tall for their ages. They got occasional comments but people were always apologetic when they were told the kids actual ages. I am small and my DH is quite average height. His mum and sister are tiny compared to me. I have the opposite, a DD who is perpetually being treated like a genius because she is small for her age. To be fair she is way ahead of her age in speech and reading so that helps too.

DD was (and is) tall, her hair grew early, although not early to speak, by three she had excellent productive speech. However her ability to listen and follow instructions was definitely that of a three year old.

Memorably, nursery took DH aside and said they were concerned about her development, especially her listening skills. We said we'd be more than willing to seek a referral, have therapy etc. A couple of days later I spoke to one of the staff for clarification, and they, rather red-faced, admitted that they'd thought she was 4, and about to go to school, whereas there was a year to go.

I have carried her birth certificate/passport when she's near an age limit as she looks so much older - I didn't fancy an argument on the bus.

DS1 was a very tall child. I remember him in a buggy aged 2 1/2 being wheeled into IKEA and a horrible judgy woman saying "that child shouldn't be in a buggy, he should be in school" I replied (fairly sharply) that he was 2 1/2, so school wouldn't take him yet... and my Mum told ME off for being rude.
Just before he started secondary school, we turned up at his new school for an open day. Teachers were chatting to the new pupils and telling them where to go. We were ignored and I apologetically asked a friendly teacher where we should go. She was embarrassed and said she thought he was a parent...
He's 18 now and has stopped growing at 5 ft 11 1/2 inches...he's fairly pissed off he's not 1/2 inch taller.
People did expect too much for his age when he was younger. His younger brother was tall, but not extremely so. At 13 he's almost his brothers height and I think he'll end up taller but things did seem easier for him in that he didn't standout so much if that makes sense. Not as though you can do much about it though

My 2 year old is very tall, which isn’t helped by me being quite short so he looks even taller when he’s with me. I also get a lot of funny looks if he has a tantrum, doesn’t communicate how people expect etc. I try to ignore it as much as possible, but if people comment on it I just tell them his real age and leave it at that.

My 22 month old is very tall for her age. She's in 3-4 year old cloths. I first noticed she was substantially taller than other kids her age at her 10 month check up at the health visitors. People do expect her to behave and speak like an older child, but they have an ah-ha moment when I tell them how old she is. I hope she isn't bullied or isolated when she goes to school because of her height. At the same time she's very gregarious so hopefully she'll just swat the would-be bullies to the side :D

No help really but I think judgy looks are just part of the course? My niece is extremely tall for her age but I don't notice any difference is terms of judgy looks to tantrums compared to my perfectly averaged size (literally 50th centile) daughter. I think society is just generally intolerant of little children being, well, little. There is a difference in terms of 'academic' expectations which seem to be placed on them though and oddly by people who should know better (e.g. teachers) who are aware of age appropriate expectations and their true age.

Exactly this! You have my sympathy OP but no real advice other than to not and smile and try to let it wash over you.

(My DD is tall and has had really clear speech and a good vocabulary from toddlerhood... which meant a lot of tutting from randoms when she had a (totally normal) toddler tantrum or was in a buggy

DD was treated far older than she actually was throughout early years and Primary as she was so tall and started having much older boys 'hit' on her when only 11, she was taller than all the female teachers by the end of Primary.

She's 14 now, 5 ft 9 and it hasn't had too much of a negative impact on her, the boys have started to catch up and she no longer stands out as exceptionally tall. She did go through a phase of wearing very baggy clothes so people couldn't see the shape of her body. We found girls rugby to be fantastic for body positivity and ridding her of any insecurities.

I had that with my DD. Always looked a good year older than her age (she's 5 now). She was also very articulate so that didn't help with the misconceptions.

I'd try and find a casual way to drop her age into conversation. "oh, it's the little things that are so exciting when you're 2" etc. This would often be met with an "oh" but then a change in tone/body language etc towards her.

I had this, our son is tall, also multi-lingual so people thought his urdu was babble. He was also quite gobby, so went through a stage of screaming loudly “I’m two” at random strangers. We now have the opposite, our daughter was premature and is so far a shortie, so people think she is younger than she is.

My nephew grew up in a country where both kids and adults are on average significantly shorter and slighter than their UK counterparts. DN was also quite big (tall and broad - not fat, just BIG!) for his age even by UK standards. By age 2 he towered above his nursery classmates and honestly looked more like a five or six year old!

Culturally it is also normal in this country for other adults (particularly the elderly) to make comments on other people's kids/parenting. My sister got thoroughly sick of older ladies tutting and shaking their heads and muttering about her toddler being in a buggy, or wearing a nappy, or playing with age-appropriate toys, or having a cry or a bit of a tantrum (thankfully he was pretty chilled so these times were rare but my god, the looks and comments if he did get upset in public!). The worst I saw was when he - at just under 2 - snatched his toy back from a similarly aged child who'd wandered off with it at a playground. DSis obviously told him very calmly that it wasn't nice to snatch, he should share etc etc but the other kid's mum came over shrieking in his face that he was a bully and a 'big boy' like him should be ashamed treating a 'baby' like that, then proceeded to lay into my sister for her poor parenting when DN began crying. It was horrible!

Same here

Ds is now ten, but looks 14

People are surprised when he acts like a ten year old

My eldest son was so large for his age that we were referred to a paediatrician for bone age scans etc when he was four as he was following a line way above the 100th centile.

It caused a lot of difficulties as he was always judged for his behaviour as if he was much older, we now believe he had undiagnosed ADHD so he did struggle with expectations that were higher than his age. He was also a late summer born and so almost a year younger than some of his classmates when he started school.

He was often upset as he couldn’t have things like wellies with characters on as his feet were too large.

The good news is that all worked out in the end, he got a first at university and has a good job but he has ended up being 6 foot 4 with size 14 feet!

No advice really, but although it’s hard at the time they do come through it

Had exactly the same with ds1...he was always very very tall for his age and at age 2 was being mistaken for a 4+ year old often. To add to that, he was very speech delayed and his pronunciation was about a year behind.

So people would approach this '4 year old', talk to him, and get a load of incomprehensible baby babble back. It used to completely throw people which was at times amusing but it was very frustrating having to explain over and over his age and speech problems to randoms.

Afraid I have no advice except wait it out, it gets better in time!

I remember being in a shop with DS and the shop assistant was trying to get him to practise his Maths and calculate how much change I was due. I had to explain that it was a bit beyond a 4 year old's capabilities.

People will make random comments about anything and everything. Their opinions are their own business. However your reaction to them is your business.
Practice your "oh that's interesting" face. You're not a bad person because you don't conform to their expectations, you're just an individual (as is your child)
Good luck, parenting is hard enough as it is without more stress on top!