People’s reactions when you have a very tall/older looking toddler

[Didibluex]

Hi all,
Ds1 is 2 1/2 but is exceptionally tall for his age and looks a lot older in the face (His dad is 6ft8 and I’m 5ft8). He’s already outgrowing 4-5 year clothes.

His speech is slightly behind but not sure if this is due to him being brought up bilingual. A lot of the time people mistake him speaking his other language as babbling (XH is Arab but DS is very fair and blonde so most people are normally surprised when they find out he is half Arab.)

Whenever he has a tantrum in public, I seem to often get very judging looks. Today when we were in the supermarket queue, the lady behind tried speaking to ds and he was giving her short replies. She asked how old he was and if he was SEN. When I told her he was 2 1/2 she seemed very embarrassed and said she presumed he was 4 or 5. It’s the same when I take him to playgroups, whenever he has a tantrum I have often had dissatisfied looks until they find out his actual age and are normally shocked at it.

Has anyone experienced similar? Any advice appreciated :)

My son was tall when young (much to his disappointment he stopped growing at 5'11"). I was asked why he wasn't in school a few times, and the answer was because he was three. But yes I think maybe on occasion people thought he should be better behaved.
Nothing new. I was 5' 8" at 11 (topped out at 5' 11"). Couldn't buy a child ticket for the bus or cinema after age 10.

It’s very frustrating. Mine are very well behaved (out of the house at least!) but still people make assumptions and expect behaviour of older children, tutting and commenting if they are having an age-appropriate negative reaction in public.

The most common one I would get was comments about how they were too old to be in a buggy.

I think you just develop a thick skin but I sympathise.

Now they are primary school age it’s having to point out they would like a children’s menu or that they are entitled to child’s ticket/fare etc.

I had this all the time. It's a shame as the behaviour expectations are based on the size of the child. I could be very rich if I was paid every time I had to explain to someone my sons age. They'd always be really shocked. He's now a teen and over 6ft tall.

I can certainly sympathise OP, it’s incredibly frustrating. My DS is 22 months and already in 3-4 clothing for his height and the looks I get from strangers when pushing him in his buggy are sometimes venomous. Doesn’t help that I’m rather short, which only seems to make him look bigger! (His dad is 6’6”) But I don’t drive, he lacks a sense of danger and usually wants to be carried so the buggy is a must for longer distances.
Plus the annoyance of it being the first thing you hear everywhere you go when meeting strangers- there’s only so many lighthearted retorts I can cycle through!

I get this. My son is 10, nearly 11 and wears aged 13-14 clothes. He also has moderate learning disabilities so acts a lot younger.

It happens the other way too. My 13 year old is tiny and looks about 10 although his deep voice is starting to make him appear his actual age. He cheerfully talks about films he has seen that are 12 rated and goes to bed at 10pm when his cousin who is the same height as him but 3 years younger goes to bed at 7. My 16 year old was failure to thrive and physically delayed as a baby. We were encouraged to make sure he had the same experiences as any other toddler so while people watched with looks of horror on their faces I held him while we went on the biggest slide at soft play. He looked about 2 months old. He loved it and shrieked to go on again and again. He loved going really high on the swings too.

Very tall 2 year old here! I feel like I’m due to get him a tshirt saying’ I am 2’! A man out a walk last week asked if he wasn’t at school today. I had to awkwardly reply that he was 2 🤔 I took him to a baby and toddler class with my 6 month old son and the lady taking the class was giving all the props out to the toddlers then got to him and was going to pass him then said would you like one as well? And it was as if she was just giving him it since he was there but he wasn’t actually there to take part 🙈 He was actually the same age as a lot of the other kids but just looks 4 easily

Mine gets comments she’s too big for a buggy, she’s 17 months and just learning to walk 🤣. She’s tall but DH and I are average so makes her look even taller

Yes dd was tall and learnt to talk at a very young age. People made assumptions about her being older.
It can be frustrating when people expect a 2 year old to behave like a 5 year old.
I was also tall as a child and like the poster above got questioned every time I asked for child fares. It was embarrassing.
I do think people should engage their brain before speaking.

I have the opposite. My daughter is almost 4 and still in 1.5-2y clothes.
I get looks of relief in the park when I say she's nearly 4 as she is clearly more advanced that the 18 month olds she's the same size as!

When I was doing my PhD, the lady running the UCAS tours thought I was the A level student she had lost in the tour!

People find it much easier to accept the bell shaped curve of adult sizes than they do children's!!

Yeah the expectations on DD around her behaviour are much higher than with her peers. It’s a bit upsetting tbh, she gets compared to children who are at least 2 or 3yrs older than her and people aren’t as kind because they didn’t realise how little she was. She’s actually generally very well behaved but she has her moments. Having said that when I point out her age people are often impressed LOL.

Oh and definitely the buggy think, at 4 some of her much smaller peers were still using a buggy whereas DD wouldn’t fit into hers, would have been nice to be able to stuff her into a buggy.

Yep. We had that at holiday resorts a few times…watching the reactions when other parents (who’d been trying to get 5 year old DS1 to play with their 8 year old rather than the 5 year olds) was amusing, no unkindness just bafflement, luckily.

Hi all,
So sorry for my late reply, been a few hectic weeks so only just logged back in now.
Glad it’s not just me who experiences this! I had someone question me a few days ago on the bus why ds wasn’t at school? When I told her he was 2 she was shocked. Wish people would mind their own business!
Thanks all again for your replies and hope you all have a great weekend 😊

I reminded myself, especially in the tough moments, that this child is two and at times three years younger than most kids… remind, remind, gently remind… and not in the moment. It becomes second nature… even when it’s not your child.