Help, I’m so worried about my son (12 months)

[Helpmeimtired]

Hi all, I am hoping for some guidance/reassurance on the development of my DS (12 months as of a week ago) as I am really starting to worry and stress!

Is there anyone who has similar concerns at this age or anyone with more knowledge in this area who can provide an opinion?

I know I shouldn’t pay too much attention to milestones as babies develop at their own pace, but today we went to a soft play area and I left feeling quite distraught at how behind DS seemed in comparison to other babies.

We had a horrific first 6 months with extreme colic and reflux followed by 3 months of a very whiny unhappy baby.

The last few months he has turned a corner and is mostly a very happy baby but of course still has his bad days but I would for sure class him in the high needs category.

He has recently started nursery and they haven’t raised any concerns although he hasn’t been there long.

Things he does do:

Cruising - not pulling to stand consistently but will cruise the sofa/cot to reach toys.

Weight bearing on legs - is determined to walk and constantly wants us to walk him around and stand up

Lifts arms to be picked up
Shows us toys
Plays peekaboo
Claps and waves
Can feed himself with a spoon and feed himself finger foods fine
Responds to name fine
Good eye contact
Will laugh if he finds something funny
Will smile if we come into the room
Very good motor skills, can pick most things up including small objects and turn pages of books
Bangs toys together and takes things out of the box and put them back in
Rolls both ways
Sits independently
Drinks from sippy cup unaided

Concerns I have:

Crawling - He’s not crawling (he despises tummy time and always so he hasn’t done it as much as he should have). He doesn’t bum shuffle either.

Babbling - He’s only in the last month started to babble (da da, ba ba, na na, ga ga) but doesn’t do it very often. He can go a week not doing it and when he does do it it’s not for very long

Pulling to stand - has done this a handful of times. I suspect the lack of crawling makes this more difficult for him. He cannot get to sitting from laying down either.

Communication - does not shake or nod head for yes/no & no words yet. He does however understand ‘where’s mummy and where’s daddy’ as he always looks at the correct person when asked.

Emotional - can get quite overwhelmed in certain situations. A nappy change 90% of the time turns into a crying fit, usually as soon as I lay him down on the mat. Getting him dressed also is a stressful situation.

ASD Flags - flexes hands quite a bit, and flaps hands when/kicks legs when frustrated. As above he can get quite easily overwhelmed. I have seen him rock back and forth in his chair a handful of times, maybe 4/5 over the last 6 months. Doesn’t seem interested in other babies but will smile at other adults and friends of ours once he’s warmed up to them and will allow him to hold them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

For now I would suggest taking a watch and wait for the next 6 to 12 months at least.

it’s easy to get focused on what may be, but you can’t change what may be. Enjoy him as the generally happy baby he is and see what happens

He sounds absolutely fine, very normal. I'm a parent of 20 years and childminder of 15 years.

Waving and babbling and clapping is all communication for a 12 month old.

ALL NORMAL

I should also add, crawling isn't a milestone we look for anymore, many babies skip this one.

My 2nd son didn't start walking until 18 months and started talking around 3 years old. Always looked slow at the beginning. Got 119 marks out of 120 at the end of Year 6 exams without any revision at home. Tops sets in secondary school and hardly bothers with homework. I would say it's too early to be worried. Especially if the nursery staff think everything is OK

He sounds similar to one of my twins. My son crawls but doesn't raise arms or look for 'wheres mummy'

Also has meltdowns over nappy changes (as does his brother) and gets overtired very easily.

Also rocks and bangs his head repeatedly on door on occasion.

At this age, I think it could be something but most likely is nothing. Lots of these things are developmentally normal in babies and they grow out of them.

my sons nursery have also not reported any concerns and hv and paed also not worried about lack of communication. Not all babies crawl (it isnt a recognised milestone) and walking before 18 months is considered on track. Average words at 12 months is 3 but some babies will obviously be in the 0-2 word range.

Just try and relax and enjoy. I know it is hard. I worried so much all the time about my older dd but she is a typical 6 year old now.

Sounds completely normal to me! I wouldn’t be worrying about ASD - he shows you toys and has good joint attention; that’s the most important thing. Responding to name, smiling and wanting affection etc, all also good signs.

Adopted my DS at 23 months. He could only babble and point. He didn’t walk until 18 months and was still very wobbly when he first came home. He didn’t know how to play.

He’s 4 now and completely caught up! Between 2-3, everything just snowballed. He started school this September and is meeting or exceeding all his milestones. He just needed a bit of time!

Keep an eye by all means but don’t spend all your time worrying or anxious about it. Just love him and enjoy him! You won’t get this time back. I spent so much of my son’s first 6 months with us in a state of anxiety and wish I hadn’t!

Someone like yourself is exactly the sort of person I was hoping would respond.

Outside of my son, I don’t have much interaction with other babies so I don’t have much to compare to, apart from my NCT group where he seems to be so far behind all of them.

Out of interest, what would be a red flag to you for development delay/ASD?

Amazing. What a little Einstein you have!

I just have this really irrational thought that my DS is always going to be behind and have problems all his life so hearing your boy is now thriving after you were also worried is very reassuring.

That’s brilliant. So happy your little one is thriving now! Well done!

Even if he has ASD they doesn't mean he'll be "behind".

Anyway - he sounds completely normal to me (midwife with four children).

My son is 21 months and only just started walking. I wouldn't worry

In the nicest possible way op, you need to relax and stop worrying, he sounds absolutely normal.

Thank you. I’ll be the first to admit that I am a worrier. Always have been.

As is my partner, so we don’t do each other any favours!

It’s just so hard not to worry when you see younger kids doing so much more physically.

It’s also been a very stressful first 12 months of DS’s life so we are for sure on edge still from all the trouble we had at the beginning.

Sounds perfectly normal to me as well. I have two children and neither of them ever crawled or showed any signs of being interested in it. They liked being upright and just went straight to walking when they were ready.

He sounds totally on track and totally brilliant. Try not to worry 🙂

I had raging post natal anxiety and was absolutely fixated on ASD - spent hours on lots of other forums picking apart and analysing my DS’s behaviours and development. I look back now and I can see I was unwell. I’m not saying you are, just that I can relate to how easy it is to worry. Nothing you’ve said is remotely alarming x

He just sounds totally cute and brilliant! Please try to relax (easier said than done, I know). But personally I don't see anything there to be in any way concerned about.

This describes my baby entirely except my baby can crawl. Same age.

We have dyspraxia running in our family so it could be just my son's motor skills taking time to develop. I have an official diagnosis of dyspraxia yet got a 1st class degree from the Russell Group university. My 1st son also has an official diagnosis of dyspraxia and some ADHD. Also top sets in secondary school but a bit scatty so I paid for his assessment (our Local Authority would only pay for dyslexia assessment). Since my 2nd son academic performance isn't affected and he is isn't into sports I didn't bother paying for his assessment. Wouldn't be surprised there is some dyspraxia lurking in the corner. In your case it's too early to worry, in my opinion. If you want to know more about dyspraxia look up Dyspraxia Foundation. There is thought to be one dyspraxic children in every school classroom however it's rarely talked about

All normal! Not all babies crawl. My eldest didn't, he is now 45! My younger one was around 20 months before he started to walk, as was one of my grandchildren.
Babbling is completely normal at your babies age.

Nappy changes are often a nightmare at this age! They don't like being in one place. Do it quick and get it over and done with, and stop worrying!!

My boy is 11.5 months and sounds similar. Sometimes it worries me but I am trying to not let it and go with every baby is different.

he crawls and puts his arms up etc but doesn’t respond much to his name but sometimes does. Doesn’t really babble, he used to a bit but not so much. Also flexes hand and rotates wrist sometimes. He likes to put his head on things and kind of touch/head butt things but not in a hard way, like the sofa.

im waiting to see what they say in his 12 month check but im sure its a case of wait and see.

My daughter was very behind at 4 months due to undertreated reflux and undiagnosed food allergies by 5 months both were being treated and she made absolutely huge improvements over 2 weeks. She had never responded to sounds or smiled at 18 weeks.

She did really well until 14 months and they she got stuck for 6 months and hadn't improved at all. We had a bit of help from the HV at 20 months and then entered 6 months of hell in our personal situation when her nursery closed with 20 minutes notice two of my grandparents died and we moved house. She restarted nursery at 2 unable to communicate effectively with words but could communicate very well with pointing and facial expressions. After 2 months at the new nursery and house she was using 2 and 3 words sentences and able to communicate with words instead of pointing. She's 3.5 and currently on track with her peers.

Learning isn't linear and in a few weeks they can jump from being behind to bring on track. Your little one sounds very similar to my daughter at that age. She had got to cruising furniture early at 9 months but she was 13 months before took a step. She took her first steps on a Sunday and from Monday she ran everywhere. We did notice this pattern with a lot of things and she seemed to hold off doing something until she had it mastered in her head first!

Eh why crawl if he wants to walk and my 4 hated the tummy time so only did it once and only 1 crawled. Our twins now 2 both walked straight away 1 vocal from 6 months the other vocal from 14months and now neither won't shut up haha. Babies progress as there ready to and if he wants to walk then he is ready to walk