Help, I’m so worried about my son (12 months)

[Helpmeimtired]

Hi all, I am hoping for some guidance/reassurance on the development of my DS (12 months as of a week ago) as I am really starting to worry and stress!

Is there anyone who has similar concerns at this age or anyone with more knowledge in this area who can provide an opinion?

I know I shouldn’t pay too much attention to milestones as babies develop at their own pace, but today we went to a soft play area and I left feeling quite distraught at how behind DS seemed in comparison to other babies.

We had a horrific first 6 months with extreme colic and reflux followed by 3 months of a very whiny unhappy baby.

The last few months he has turned a corner and is mostly a very happy baby but of course still has his bad days but I would for sure class him in the high needs category.

He has recently started nursery and they haven’t raised any concerns although he hasn’t been there long.

Things he does do:

Cruising - not pulling to stand consistently but will cruise the sofa/cot to reach toys.

Weight bearing on legs - is determined to walk and constantly wants us to walk him around and stand up

Lifts arms to be picked up
Shows us toys
Plays peekaboo
Claps and waves
Can feed himself with a spoon and feed himself finger foods fine
Responds to name fine
Good eye contact
Will laugh if he finds something funny
Will smile if we come into the room
Very good motor skills, can pick most things up including small objects and turn pages of books
Bangs toys together and takes things out of the box and put them back in
Rolls both ways
Sits independently
Drinks from sippy cup unaided

Concerns I have:

Crawling - He’s not crawling (he despises tummy time and always so he hasn’t done it as much as he should have). He doesn’t bum shuffle either.

Babbling - He’s only in the last month started to babble (da da, ba ba, na na, ga ga) but doesn’t do it very often. He can go a week not doing it and when he does do it it’s not for very long

Pulling to stand - has done this a handful of times. I suspect the lack of crawling makes this more difficult for him. He cannot get to sitting from laying down either.

Communication - does not shake or nod head for yes/no & no words yet. He does however understand ‘where’s mummy and where’s daddy’ as he always looks at the correct person when asked.

Emotional - can get quite overwhelmed in certain situations. A nappy change 90% of the time turns into a crying fit, usually as soon as I lay him down on the mat. Getting him dressed also is a stressful situation.

ASD Flags - flexes hands quite a bit, and flaps hands when/kicks legs when frustrated. As above he can get quite easily overwhelmed. I have seen him rock back and forth in his chair a handful of times, maybe 4/5 over the last 6 months. Doesn’t seem interested in other babies but will smile at other adults and friends of ours once he’s warmed up to them and will allow him to hold them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Why are you worried about ASD? Are you or your husband living with it or other close family members.

He seems fine to me but ASD doesn't have to be the end of the world either.

He sounds like my ASD son. The colicky misery/high needs can be a strong indicator of ASD (doesn't mean your son has it, more that ASD children typically do.) He also never learned to crawl - another ASD indicator. He cruised for ages then walked very late.

My son was a very early talker though and didn't really stim, as I remember. Eveyr child is unique including any ASD child.

The main sign you want to check for at this age is ARFID (severe rejection of eating pretty much any food at all) as it is dangerous. We struggled badly, our concerns were not taken seriously and DS is very stunted growth possibly as a result of food refusal. I think both ASD and ARFID are far better known and dealt with these days but if your baby does have ASD, watch for this.

By the way, if he is autistic this doesn't necessarily mean the severe end of the spectrum. My own ASD son has a completely normal life with a job, girlfriend, holidays abroad with mates, a degree, loads of hobbies, and I know a number of ASD teens and young adults who have similar really good lives. You just need more input as a parent to get them there. But if they are high functioning, that's perfectly possible.

Comparisons are so unhelpful, especially when your child is so very young. If you let them they will continue throughout his school career and drive you nuts.

He is who he is and in the scheme of things is barely out of the womb really. I think you need to go with the flow a bit and find the headspace to just enjoy him.

My 3 developed at totally different rates and it would have been tempting to make comparisons - but I was frankly too busy! One was barely reading at 9 - and now has an MA. One did not speak much at all (apart from babbling) till over 2, when she started speaking in full sentences. One seemed massively behind in reading, but then picked up The Wind in the Willows and read it through - she was just waiting for something worth the effort!

They are all so very different and it is sad that this worry is taking away from your enjoyment of these baby years. I hope you can relax and enjoy him having read the experiences of others.

He sounds absolutely fine!! My DS is a bit younger at 9.5 months but much of what you say is very familiar and I have absolutely no concerns. He is DC2 so that helps me be relaxed! I think what you perceive as flapping might only be considered an ASD marker in older children, but I am a non-expert. Try not to worry, he's still very little.

Probably because every other person on here seems to have a child with ASD, it seems so overwhelmingly common now that even people with no personal link to it know all the ‘signs’ and feel it’s a strong possibility. Postnatal is an anxious period too and it’s not unusual to worry about milestones.

All normal. My son did bugger all until 18 months- just sat there like a happy little potato! Then he just took off one day. He's a very happy and normal 5 year old now, glowing school reports, runs into school happy and always first, loads of friends etc.

It does seem like that but you find it online condensed into one place because having a kid with SN can be incredibly isolating. We don't get the kids joining in or being invited to parties or watching them grow up making friends, eventually leaving home to live independent lives etc. our bairns will always need a level of support you wouldn't expect if you haven't encountered it. We seek people in the same boat as us.

I do get it though. It's a bit jarring to have parents panicking as if ASD is the worst thing in the world. That's my issue though.

@gamerchick well yes but if you go back 10 years there were nowhere near as many ASD posts as now - it really is almost every single thread about behaviour issues, school refusal, challenging behaviour etc. which is also probably why parents worry their child may be ND.

(disclaimer - I know many wonderful ND people, but there’s no denying it makes parenting much more challenging, and in general people don’t want life to be very challenging)

Honestly it sounds to me like he is doing great. It's so much easier said than done but I really don't think you need to worry. Everything sounds normal and in fact it sounds like he's doing some things other 12 month old can't do.

Hi all,

thanks for the lovely responses. This has really gone a long way to put my mind at rest.

I am still wrestling with one day feeling he's fine and will catch up, to then not being able to stop myself from going down a worry hole of thinking there's something more sinister at play.

We have a 12-month check next month with HV. I also candidly asked nursery if they had any concerns and they said they didn't, although they had discussed between themselves about him not being mobile.

She said he'd be the first she's seen to walk without crawling which goes against a lot of what I've read on MN! But she's a very young key worker so maybe just hasn't come across it yet?

I do think this all stems from lack of floor/tummy time. He hates being in his stomach with a passion, to the point where it didn't seem worth upsetting him if he was otherwise happy sitting or standing and cruising the sofa

Totally normal

I never did tummy time with either of my sons. One started walking at 13 months. The other at 18. Both doing very well in secondary. I would say it's too early to worry

Blooming tummy time - it has become just something else for parents to feel guilty about - as if there were not enough already! Please try and remember that the concept is a very recent invention and millions upon millions of children were brought up without their parents ever having heard the term!

Hi there,
Stumbled on your post and curious how things are now?
I’ve a very similar 12 month old with an awful history of CMPI and a lot of milestones so far have been an awful effort for him.
Sadly I’m a speech therapist so I know he is delayed but hopeful he’ll be the one who ‘catches up!’ Can’t shake that feeling in my gut though, hate being in this profession and having small children!!!

@Helpmeimtired please can we have an update. Going through similar currently xx

Hello @Alice4417 & @SS20212023 ,

DS is 19 months now, and I am so much more relaxed about his development.

He never crawled but started walking pretty confidently at around 13/14 months.

We don't have speech yet, but we have a few words and a lot of half-words (e.g. bl for 'blue' and bal for 'ball'.

He understands nearly everything we say to him though so I'm sure his speech will explode at some point.

I wouldn't say he's that much behind his peers now.

One key thing with him is that he's an extremely cautious child. Needed a lot of encouragement to go down the slide at the park for example (loves it now) and was terrified to climb the stairs (now it's his fav thing to do).

So I think a lot of it is his personality, he's not the sort of kid to go head first into anything, which I guess has it's benefits in some ways.

How are your little ones doing?

@SS20212023 hey how’s your little one now?

I don't yet have children of my own but lots of nibbling, godchildren, friends children I'm close to and I've been very involved with all of them since birth.

Everything you've described sounds completely normal and I've yet to meet an infant that liked tummy time!

I have no children development training/study/qualifications behind me but I do know that proprioception is a sense small children need to develop, which may be why he rocks occasionally in his chair and hesitates on slides etc. Not to imply that there's anything wrong, just that he's probably building up this sense!

Also, one of my godchildren & another child (of close friend) both displayed hesitancy with slides, jumping down from steps etc well into toddlerhood so I don't think that's unusual. Both boys, coincidentally. He's also probably just exploring movement and how to do things safely while he's not walking, which sounds entirely sensible if you ask me.

You sound like a really lovely mum, btw.

Hey !! I'm so glad you've given a positive update.
My boy is also progressing and repeating more things all the time even if they are not words yet. Xx