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Parenting

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Original poster

So ... should I take her to the toilet at 10pm or what?

40 replies

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 11:20

Dd is 6, still not dry at night. However, the last two nights she's had a wee at about 10pm, then been dry for the rest of the night (Sunday night she was awake, went to the toilet - for the first time ever! - and decided not to put her pyjama pants back on, last night she woke up as she was weeing, so we ended up changing the bed).

It seems that she might be getting there, and she is desperate to give up the pyjama pants, so we are going to give it a go. But I'm not sure how to handle this 10pm wee - it seems she needs it but isn't quite ready to wake for it.

I have always been firmly anti-"lifting" (not that we could lift her, she's not exactly small!)as I feel that it simply trains them to wee either in their sleep or at a set time, but right now it doesn't seem like such a bad idea! I don't want to get her into the habit of weeing at the same time every night, though, and it feels as if taking her to the toilet might just be setting us up for another set of problems.

I am happy to change her sheets as and when we need to (well, "happy" is probably pushing it a bit but you know what I mean), and I almost feel this would be the best way to go ... but can't help wondering how bad it would be to wake her for a wee at 10pm.

Would welcome any thoughts from those who have done this - and from those who think it's a crap idea as well!

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Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 11:55

I know it's a grindingly dull subject with no potential for a scrap, so probably not of much interest to anyone but me, but I really would value some thoughts.

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ZoeC · 18/09/2007 12:01

I suppose waking her is less disruptive than changing the bed that time of night. Lots have used that approach so I'm sure it would be fine if she is keen and happy to go with it.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 12:11

Changing the bed isn't particularly disruptive. We have used two sheets and layered them with bedmats, and have a waterproof thingie on the top, so all we have to do if she's wet the first time is whip off waterproof topper. If she wees again we will just strip off the top layer and get her back into bed. If her duvet is wet, as it was last night, we have a spare one ready to go - it probably doesn't take all that much more time than taking her to the toilet. And although the laundering is a pain, I don't know whether it's worth taking her to the loo just to avoid a couple of batches of washing.

She's keen to ditch the nappies, but I'm not sure whether she would thank us for a 10pm wakening or not!

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bozza · 18/09/2007 12:16

Have you considered discussing it with her? It does sound like she is making progress. Personally I would be very tempted to lift her - ie wake her up at 10. We did with DS. I know it is frowned on though.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 12:27

Being frowned upon doesn't really bother me ... it wouldn't be the first time

I've always been of the opinion that it wouldn't be a good thing, but while she's so clearly in need of a wee at that time, maybe it would be OK. I just don't want to turn it into an unbreakable habit ... hmm, I don't know.

We haven't asked her whether she would like us to wake her up; I suspect she would say no, because she likes her sleep - she would say she didn't mind having a wet bed because she doesn't worry about wet beds until she's lying in one, if you know what I mean.

Might ask her - see what she things. Thanks for your thoughts.

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MrsMarvel · 18/09/2007 12:30

I used to do that with mine. Also, use a disposable nappy changing pad under the sheet. Saves the mattress and absorbs the wee rather than spreading it around the bed as with coated sheets.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 12:34

We have pads between layers of sheets, MrsM. The waterproof topper has an absorbent layer on top so soaks up quite a bit, we can then whip it off and she has a sheet with a pad underneath, and then there's another sheet with another pad underneath that (covered for all eventualities )

Thos of you who have woken their children ... how long did you find you had to do it for before they no longer needed it?

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BendandBreak · 18/09/2007 12:35

My dd1 is 6 and goes to bed about 8pm (goes to the loo just before). If she has any water-based drink after 6:30pm or so, I also wake her when we go to bed (between 10 and 11pm) for the loo. It doesn't really mean waking her though, she's half asleep- I help her walk there, lift her on, wipe bum etc and get her back into bed. She doesn't remember it in the morning.
If I don't do that, she has to get up v early to go herself or has had the odd accident when she didn't quite make it.

She has a cup of milk before bed and this never causes any problem with wetting.

She's been dry at night since age 3.6. This is drastically different from her sister (age 3.10) who takes dilute juice to bed (usually necks it before she falls asleep) and has a v wet nappy by morning.

Could you cut down on late drinking?

Also, hope I don't kill your thread- I usually do......

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 12:40

She doesn't have a huge amount to drink before bed - she generally has a glass with her tea at 4.30 - ish, then another one with supper at 6.30 before bed at 7.30. I don't really want to limit her drinks much if I can help it, because she suffers from water infections and vulval soreness, both of which seem easily aggravated by not drinking enough.

I also remember reading once that they need to drink plenty to stretch their bladders, so that they have the capacity to hold their urine overnight.

Oh, I don't know ...!

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bozza · 18/09/2007 12:57

I would still be tempted to go for waking her because if she is keen to get out of the pj pants it would hopefully give her a confidence boost. I can't remember how long we lifted DS for, only a few weeks, but he was quite bit younger - about 3 1/2. I have only occasionally done it with DD when I realise I have forgotten to get her to go to the toilet before bed.

Seona1973 · 18/09/2007 13:32

my dd was dry at night just after the age of 3 for about 4 months and then she started wetting again. After she did it 3 times in a week we decided to wake her when we went to bed. We took her to the toilet sometime between 10pm and 11.30pm (depending on day of the week). We always spoke to her and tried to get her to respond so she wast just weeing in her sleep. We did it for a few months (more for fear she would wet again) and she is now dry at night again. I think the confidence boost of not having to get changed in the middle of the night helps too. I would rather have lifted my dd for a wee at night than being rudely wakened in the middle of the night.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 13:37

Not so bothered about the rude awakenings as it seems to be happening between 10 - 11, when we're usually up (or just about to go to bed) anyway, but yes, the confidence thing has to come into it; dd certainly gets downheartened if she ends up with a wet bed.

Am sorely tempted to try, despite always being certain it wasn't right for us.

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canmummy · 18/09/2007 13:42

This is a tricky one isn't it? My dd2 is almost 5 and we are in the process of trying to stop lifting her. She's only been out of nappies at night for a few months.

I spoke to the school nurse about it and she said give plenty of fluids to drink during the day so she got used to the feeling of a full bladder.

It's still hit and miss with us at the moment, sometimes she's wet the bed already by the time we check on her on the way to bed ourselves, other times she'll be dry all night without lifting. There seems no pattern to it!

I think it's a good idea to try and wake her for the 10pm wee if you take her, as one night I lifted dd and she just weed all down me! Now I make it clear where we're going and make sure she's somewhat aware.

Don't think I've been much help, sorry, but thought I'd let you know you're not the only one wth this dilemma out there!

bozza · 18/09/2007 13:48

wwb it does sound like the situation is changing and your DD is gaining a certain level of night time control. I would give it a week and see how it goes.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 13:50

It's all helpful stuff, canmummy.

I really think that she's made some progress; until recently her nappies were always absolutely dripping when she woke in the morning, so only needing one wee in the night is definite progress. Being that bit older she is aware of having a full bladder when she's awake, and regularly goes for four or more hours between wees - but at night time she just sleeps so soundly that up until now she has never managed to wake up to go to the toilet.

I just want to make sure I do the right thing, to allow her to keep making progress but without getting disheartened by not always managing to stay dry.

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Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 13:52

Am very seriously considering it, Bozza.

We will definitely ditch the PJ pants and see how we go, and I am almost convinced that taking her to the toilet at 10pm is the way to go for now.

Thanks everyone

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biglips · 18/09/2007 13:53

we used to take my DSD to the toilet at about 10pm but we make sure we didnt fully wake her up....she always say that she can never remember when she went to the toilet at 10pm last night!

zubb · 18/09/2007 13:57

it worked well for us with ds1 and 2, we'd pick them up from bed at 10ish, carry them to the bathroom and then they would stand up and wee. They were awake enough to know what they were doing, but always settled back down quickly.
Will do the same with ds3 when the time comes.

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 14:00

I think I draw the line at picking her up and carrying her ... she's the height and weight of a nine year old and I don't think my back could take the strain every night

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Cappuccino · 18/09/2007 14:03

we were told no fluids after 6

no blackcurrant ever oddly

I'd take her for a wee tbh

Cappuccino · 18/09/2007 14:06

poke her and make her walk

is there a time when she stirs in her sleep?

(at 9.30pm prompt dd1 (6) wakes to complain about her foot splints)

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 14:11

Capp, I've heard the no blackcurrant thing as well - don't know what that's all about. She usually has dilute apple juice or water.

She doesn't seem to have a set time for stirring so poking and frogmarching is probably the way to go

Seems completely mad that she can only go two or three hours after she goes to bed before she needs a wee, but can then last for ten more without one.

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Cappuccino · 18/09/2007 14:16

WWB I was just going to advertise some pull-ups for age 8 girls which someone gave me, bizarrely, for dd2 who is 2

I was going to stick em in teh post to anyone who wanted them - if you're still using them let me know

otherwise I'll ask around

Original poster

WigWamBam · 18/09/2007 14:25

We have been using them, yes ... I'm probably tempting fate here, but if no-one else wants them then yes, we'd love them. Thank you.

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 18/09/2007 14:31

cat me your address and will send them forthwith

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