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Parenting

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Original poster

o.k, so whats the earliest age you allow sleep-overs?

33 replies

magsi · 05/09/2007 16:09

So this is my situation......

Dd is 3.7 and was picked up by her friends mum from nursery at 11.30 today to be returned at 5.00. I originally wanted 4.00 but her friends mum said it would be no trouble to give her tea aswell, so I softened and said o.k. for 5.00. So this afternoon hubby (mother hasn't got my number) gets a call from her saying that dd wanted to stay over night . Now whilst I realise that a 3.7 year old is far too young to be 'asking' her parents to stop overnight at a friends, the mother should never have phoned to 'ask permission' for this in the first place! Now we are made out to look like 'baddies' in all of this. Can't believe her mother even encouraged the phonecall in the first place!

I'm not wrong am I?

OP posts:

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MellowMa · 05/09/2007 16:10

Message withdrawn

fryalot · 05/09/2007 16:12

no, you are not wrong.

imho 23 is the minimum age for sleepovers - and only then with a note from both parents.

bozza · 05/09/2007 16:14

3 for both of mine but definitely not in this type of situation. Would never allow sleepovers midweek. Would plan ahead so that I was sure my child was happy with it - it might have been that your DD has been pressured by the other child, she presumably doesn't have her familiar pjs, cuddly etc with her. And if the mother hasn't got your number it sounds like you don't relaly know her that well. I only let mine ever go to one friend at that age (she has brother and sister same age as my two).

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Original poster

magsi · 05/09/2007 16:17

squonk.......LOL

Its horrible isn't it that we have no control over who our kiddies want to play with. Her little friend is lovely and i would never step in the way of dd making friends, but what does this say about her mum!

OP posts:

filthymindedvixen · 05/09/2007 16:22

Many of my friend's daughters started sleepovers as a social thing (as opposed to helping out a friend sort of thing) around 6 or 7 years. I held back until 8 or 9 wth my son after disocvering that sleeping in a strange house can play havoc with boys' ability to reach a toilet in time
We often had friends' children staying overnight but the children knew us and our house very well and it was in loco parentis sort of thing.

Social Sleepovers are Hell. They all get stroppy and cheeky, demand crap food and you end up crawling into their room at 3am, a haunted, wrecked creature with no dignity, pleading and sobbing and promising them anything if they will only shut up and Go To Sleep.
The next day, everyone is cranky and exhausted. Gah!

colinandcaitlinsmommy · 05/09/2007 16:31

My friend is in the same situation you are. She has a mom from preschool who invited her 4 year old over to my friend's house to spend the night. Friend wasn't really keen on this because she thought her daughter was too young, but caved in because she was tired of looking like the "baddie".

DS and I went over to play with friend and her daughter yesterday. The other mom basically invited herself and daughter over. We were only supposed to be there for a few hours, and we left before lunch, but the other mom stayed with her DD for another 3 hours. She then went back into the room and came out talking to her daughter saying, "Well, it is just fine with me, but you'll have to ask (my friend) if it is okay with her." Friend asked what she was talking about and she said her daughter asked to spend the night at friend's house again. Friend is highly skeptical that a barely 4 year old knows enough to ask to spend the night, and doesn't think it was the little girl's idea.

Frankly, I can't believe the thought process behind some parents. I told Friend she needed to get more backbone, and I'm just glad I have the DS in that group.

TinyGang · 05/09/2007 16:34

Put it off for as long as possible.

God, whoever invented sleepovers?

Maybe ok if you have the room, the sanity and only one child in the first place - even then, only maybe.

foofi · 05/09/2007 16:37

DD1 first started getting invited to sleepovers at 3. She's 10 now, and I still hate sleepovers - it takes a week for her to recover.

Original poster

magsi · 05/09/2007 16:52

Thanks guys, I knew I wasn't going mad.........not that I even doubted my own instinct in the first place

OP posts:

LoveAngel · 05/09/2007 17:59

3 yrs old is DEFINITELY too young imo. I wouldn't be comfortable until my children were of junior school age - 8 or 9, perhaps, and even then, only with families I knew well.

Original poster

magsi · 05/09/2007 18:27

She came back.........at 5.45 laden with prezzies, a piggybank, a pencil case with pens, a dora teddy, a book and some cakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I just a bit of a stoodge or is that a bit over-generous. Hence to say I was a bit embarrassed with the amount she came back with. A prezzie is fine, but surely not that much???

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 18:30

If she knows the friend well enough to be with her from 11.30 to 5, without you there, I can't see the problem with her staying over night, but perhaps I am missing something.

I haven't ever left ds with one of my friends for that long, but if he wanted to go and sleep at a friend's and they were ok with it, I would consider it now (he is 4.5)

Original poster

magsi · 05/09/2007 18:37

FrannyandZooey

I think its one thing playing round a friends house but another one sleeping over when they are 3. She isn't a good sleeper at the moment anyway and still has accidents about once a week. Plus she's my baby and I don't want her away from me at night. I was tapping my foot from about 4.00 onwards longing for her return as it was. blimey if she was sleeping over, I probably would have taken 'watch' outside the house to make sure she was o.k..

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 18:40

No I can see your reasons and obviously it is your choice and you know her best. I just don't think every parent would feel the same, and so didn't get why the other mother thinking it was ok to ask, meant that she was evil etc

Original poster

magsi · 05/09/2007 18:47

I wouldn't have said 'evil etc', just a little thoughtless at 'going along with' and maybe encouraging a little bit dd's excitement in the first place.

OP posts:

RubyRioja · 05/09/2007 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 18:50

yes but this thread needs livening up a bit, everyone has agreed with you, so we need a bit of hyperbole

It was this bit that surprised me:

"Its horrible isn't it that we have no control over who our kiddies want to play with. Her little friend is lovely and i would never step in the way of dd making friends, but what does this say about her mum!"

because you see, what I thought it said about the mum was that she was an easy going, kind person who was happy to accomodate requests like this from her children at short notice, (and presumably put herself out quite a lot into the bargain). I think she sounds like a star to be honest! I wouldn't do it.

RosaLuxembourg · 05/09/2007 18:54

I had five 10-year-olds sleeping over on Monday night. They were no trouble at all.
Occasionally I have DD2's 7 year old friends to sleep over. They can get a bit weepy at bedtime, but are generall fine.
TWICE I have had a four-year-old friend of DD3 sleeping over(under duress).
OMG it was a horrific experience both times. Child went to bed easily enough but woke up at 5.30am both times crying for her mum and I had to get up and sit in the living room watching Charlie and Lola with her until it was a respectable hour to call her parents.
JUST DON'T DO IT.

Original poster

magsi · 05/09/2007 18:56

Oh she is a star and very generous it seems to boot! but you can still dissagree with a parents views on things don't you think?

Anyway, I am not up for 'hyperbole' tonight and besides, dd had a great time and is suitable worn out and is crying for 'her' bed.

This is me signing out.

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 18:58

Sorry magsi, I was not meaning to upset or offend, just joshing about really. Sorry if it wasn't funny.

I am glad your dd had a good time and that she came home not too late (I do understand about not wanting her to stay out, she is very young still)

RubyRioja · 05/09/2007 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dazedandconfunded · 05/09/2007 19:15

I tend to agree with Franny, I must say. My DS begged for sleepovers from about 2.5, and has regularly stayed at one or other of his cousins. No problems - they love it. He has been to friends as well, and they have come here. I think the earlier the better, in a way; I was conscious that when the next DC came along DS would have to sleep over somewhere, and didn't want it to come as an unknown quantity and have him crying in the night. Lo and behold, thanks to all the practice he had no qualms at all.

Idobelieveinfairies · 05/09/2007 19:58

My eldest slept at her friends for the first time when she was in reception and vice versa. It was never a bother, they used to chat and giggle in the bedroom...it stopped the 'i'm bored' wingings at bay.

The boys were later, and not even that bothered about them. mine can never stay up past nine o'clock-they are like me, up ealy and asleep early.

i would say 3.7 is too young too.

FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 20:04

No no don't gang up on her, she has had a hard day and this woman has upset her

am swopping sides to agree with magsi now, it is no fun now other people are joining it

magsi you're right, she's a loon, what was she thinking of?

Hulababy · 05/09/2007 20:09

I think 3yo is too young for a sleep over without a parent there, unless at grandparent's or other adult you both know really really well.

DD had a friend over for their first sleep over this weekend. DD was 5y4m, the friend was 4y11m. DD's friend's mum and dad are good friends of me and DH, and I was babysitting the little girl the next day - hence suggesting it. DD will be staying at their place in a couple of weeks - again for mutual convenience.

But so far I have not allowed school friend type sleep overs. I think DD is too young for that.

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