Is it okay to leave a baby for 5 minutes.

[Megandoli]

Sometimes my DS will cry for no reason as babies do. And no matter what I do, he will not stop and sometimes I have to leave him to it and get five minutes for my own sanity and to go back in with a fresh head.

Is this okay? I feel awful when I have to but it really helps me to have a clear head.

It’s not going to cause problems for him?

Sorry I’m a first time single mum and learning as I go. Thanks in advance.

It's absolutely fine so long as baby is in a safe place, better to have a calm mum. Try not to worry, you're doing a great job!

On the contrary, I actually think it's the best thing to do. If you're getting stressed it's not going to help either of you. So long as they're in a safe place it's okay.

My grannie refereed to it as “a mechanical cigarette”. So basically taking a metaphorical fag break when it’s all getting too much.

I agree with pp who said not only is it ok, in times of extreme stress it’s actually the best course of action. Put baby somewhere safe, and go and take 5 minutes to just stop and take some deep breaths.

Don’t worry OP, most of us have felt like this more than once. I know I have (I’ve got 3)

Agree with other PP's sometimes it's genuinely the best thing to do

If they are safe and secure it won't hurt them I promise

You are doing the right thing

Absolutely fine.
I used to do this with DD, she had colic and would cry all evening until about 10pm and it was exhausting.
I had to leave her to gather my thoughts before I lost my temper so I'd put her in her Moses basket or bouncer seat and go in the garden for 5 mins or so and come back feeling calmer.
I still do this now when she's playing up and I can feel my anger rising (she's 2). As long as they're not going to come to any harm it's fine.

You're doing a good job

Yeah I always leave him either in his cot or strapped into his high chair. He’s fine now thankfully and actually seemed happy to see me when I came in :D thanks guys

Definitely the best thing to do in that situation as long as baby is safe. Much better than getting really wound up. Sounds like you're doing a great job OP.

The thing your baby needs most is a sane mum, so you taking a five minute breather is a good thing.

@Megandoli and don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing just fine.

I honestly think this is one area where women don’t feel able to talk freely about needing a wee break sometimes. And it’s a shame because it’s so normal, and not a bad thing. In fact recognising you’re heading to breaking point and taking a bit of time is a really positive thing.

That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do when it all gets too much. If you’re finding it tough can you speak to your health visitor?

Before I left the hospital with my newborn we had to watch a video about coping with crying, and that said if you’ve ruled out the obvious things (hungry? Needs a change? In pain? Needs a cuddle?) and baby’s still crying and you feel desperate, you should put them somewhere you’re sure they’re safe and have 5 minutes in another room to regroup.

So it’s not only ok, it’s what the NHS advise.

Not responding to a baby’s cries on a regular basis is a different story and will cause harm, but that’s not what you’ve described. You’ve described being self-aware enough to know when you need a breather in order to be able to keep on doing a good job.

And well bloody done - parenting is tough even with 2 of us: I really think single parents do an amazing job. Make sure you’ve got plenty of support and if you’re feeling overwhelmed remember that’s exactly what your health visitor is paid to deal with, so don’t feel bad about phoning them to ask for support.

This was official advice back in my early days of motherhood. It makes complete sense.

I found out by accident by doing this when I was completely exasperated that she just wanted to be on her own. I put her safe to walk away for 5 mins and she stopped crying. She just wanted not to be fussed!

As others have said, best course of action, please don’t feel bad :)

Do you like music? 7 month old DS is such a lovely baby but when he has teeth close to breaking through he is absolutely miserable and cries constantly. I put my headphones on full blast while I deal with him and it takes all the stress and resentment out. It is hard when they are upset, and you need to look after yourself because a stressed parent can just exacerbate the situation.

I remember getting frustrated when my son wouldn't stop crying, and I talked to my midwife about it (she's also a friend and neighbour - very handy!). I said that I'd tried everything - he wasn't hungry, he wasn't tired, he didn't want a cuddle... couldn't work out what to do.

And she said think of your own self - we all get annoyed or in a grump at some point, and the more somebody fusses around you, however well intentioned, the more irritating it becomes. Sometimes you just need a few minutes to breathe, refocus and clear your head. Ok, your baby isn't thinking too heavily about this, but the logic applies. Taking a few minutes out will help both of you.

You're doing great OP!

Silverdoe
That is a cracking bit of advice!

Wish I'd have thought about that, will be trying it next time round!

Yeah I always leave him either in his cot or strapped into his high chair.

I wouldn’t leave him strapped into a high Chair though. Cot, fine. But if he’s in a high chair he must be over 6 months and they can be strong and flingy and I wouldn’t like to leave them unattended.

Not recommending this but my mum used to shut me in my pram in the garage! Im an adult with 2 adult son's now. Bad parenting, I know, and no doubt SS would be involved these days!

I agree with everyone else, that taking a 5 min breather is very sensible.

Also, I used to wear Peltor ear defenders with DS3 as a baby, because he cried ALL THE TIME for no reason, and I felt much calmer when the the volume wasn’t so loud. Could happily cuddle him whilst he screamed, which I couldn’t do without the ear defenders!

When I was 15 I was left alone with my then 6 month old brother. He would not stop crying. Had no idea what to do. I called childline! And they said to do exactly what you do. Cot is the safest place.

After 3 kids of my own, I’m sure that sometimes they actually want to be left alone.

I was up until stupidly late one night trying to get my new girl to,sleep. In the end i put her in bed put my head under the pillow and she was asleep in 5 mins, she was as exhausted as me.

GlassSuppers

Thanks! it really works as I think huge cause of the stress is the volume of noise. I also like littlecabbage ‘s suggestion of ear defenders. Just makes it so much easier to be comforting when the noise isn’t making you cringe away from them!

@silverdoe I will be remembering that advice for when DC2 arrives in October.

I spent a lot of time outside the backdoor when DD was a colicky baby because I just had to get away from the noise for a few minutes.

You have definitely done the right thing OP. Calm mum makes everything much easier. Take a few moments for yourself.

Five minutes in safe place is okay op.

I had to do this when my daughter was a baby as she would scream from 6-10pm every night due to colic. Sometimes I'd just lay in her cot for a short while so I could make myself a hot drink.

Absolutely grab 5 mins for your own sanity. As long as baby is safe this is the right thing to do imo. My mum says my elder brother cried for the first six months pretty much non stop and she almost went crazy. The doctor told her to put him in his carry cot in a safe place then go to the furthest away room switch the radio up loud and have a cup of tea and calm down! She did that at least once a day! He grew up to be my lovely chilled gappy brother, no harm done.