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Parenting

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Original poster

Is 5 months post childbirth too soon to try for baby 2?

33 replies

Littlefoxy · 22/04/2017 20:20

I'm 36 I've had one mmc & now mother to a 5 month old. We want a second baby, maybe more but I'm unsure when to start trying again. My partner wants to start immediately, he's worried about my age. I've had some mental health problems related to traumatic birth & feeling much better but a little anxious at being pregnant again so soon. What's the pros/cons of different age gaps? Are we crazy to be risking 2 under 2?

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WelliesAndPyjamas · 22/04/2017 20:23

Only you can know your own feelings on this and which way your instinctive reaction to the idea lies.

For me, it would be a no, and I wish I could go back and tell a younger me not to make any big decisions in the blurry first year! 😄

smileygrapefruit · 22/04/2017 20:24

If you feel ready to be pregnant/give birth again then go for it. I don't think there is a perfect age gap. I'm expecting dc3 and will then have three under 4 with 19 months between dc2 and 3. I'm sure it's going to be hard work but totally worth it. Otoh if you don't feel ready to be pregnant just yet then give it a few months. Good luck whatever you decide :)

RandomMess · 22/04/2017 20:25

I ended up getting pregnant straight away so had a 14 month age gap. Lot of advantages to it but it's hard work when you effectively have 2 babies!

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pinktransit · 22/04/2017 20:25

I have 14 months between my 2, and it was bloody tough for the first years.
TBF, I did split from DH when DD2 was 13 months, so it would have been hard whatever the age gap. I love the age gap now, and it was brilliant once we were out of the nappy stage. Given my time over, I'd do it again :)

Pinkheart5915 · 22/04/2017 20:25

Mine are 11 months apart! I wouldn't change a thing.

If you and your dp feel ready for another baby go for it

NameChange30 · 22/04/2017 20:34

Congratulations on DC1

Did you have a "debrief" meeting about your traumatic birth with the midwife? Have you had any counselling?

FWIW I think you should wait a bit longer, certainly wait until you feel ready and don't give in to any pressure from your partner. A few months is unlikely to make a big difference to your fertility, and it's crucial that you feel mentally and physically ready for another pregnancy and birth.

If and when you do get pregnant again, it might bring some anxieties to the surface, and to prevent/address that, I strongly recommend both pregnancy yoga and hypnobirthing.

ODog · 22/04/2017 20:37

I had postnatal physio for a damaged pelvic floor after my first and was told that your body has to physically recover and that can take up to 18 months. DC2 is now 11mo and I still don't feel fully recovered physically now (I did tear both times which hasn't helped). I had a 2yr gap between mine and it's been fab.

wrapsuperstar · 22/04/2017 20:44

I wasn't even fertile again five months after giving birth.

I have just over two years between my DDs and that felt like a small enough gap when they were both tiny. Now at 5 and 3 it is a lot better and they're great friends to each other; I wouldn't have wanted them any closer together though.

Also agree with NameChange's thoughts.

Original poster

Littlefoxy · 22/04/2017 21:01

I had a c section so I was thinking I should ask GP if I need longer to heal. namechange I had debrief which was really helpful. I think I'm hindsight I had mild form of psychosis which can be very dangerous so I'm going to make contact with perinatal mental health team to ask to discuss it. There's a 50% recidivism rate so I want to be prepared in case I have similar problems with subsequent pregnancy. I think it's mainly that which is making me hesitate. I don't know what stresses lay ahead or how I'll cope. I was very shocked by how unwell I was during labour & after so I guess I don't really trust my own mental health anymore. I'd hate to have another baby only to discover I don't have the resilience to cope.

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Original poster

Littlefoxy · 22/04/2017 21:03

I'd opt for planned c section next time to reduce chance of horrendous labour so at least that would mean I can be more prepared mentally.

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NameChange30 · 22/04/2017 21:06

Well, you definitely have a lot of resilience because you coped with a traumatic birth and what sounds like a pretty scary mental health problem - and you've come out the other side Perhaps it will be preventable or at least more manageable next time, because you know it's a risk so you'll be able to get support in place?

Sorry you had such a difficult time and well done for getting through it

NameChange30 · 22/04/2017 21:08

Also I've heard from a GP friend who had a c section that they advise waiting 2 years between pregnancies, because your uterus does need time to heal before it can cope with another pregnancy... but see what your GP says. Someone else I spoke to recently said 1 year so maybe the advice differs.

geddes · 22/04/2017 21:11

Yes I was advised 1 year after a vaginal birth. (Was 37.)

Your DP is being rather selfish I'm afraid. You're not a baby machine.

sphinxster · 22/04/2017 21:15

I had an emergency section and got pregnancy 6 months after. It was advised against by my OB but I wanted a small age gap. I had placenta previa but I would've opted for another section anyway. Carried the baby to full term, elective section was a dream. Baby is now 2 months old and we have good days & bad days but I'm so happy with my beautiful babies.

As PP have said, there's no ideal age gap, do what works for you and what you want.

Shadowboy · 22/04/2017 21:22

I have a 2.2 year gap between my two. I believe for us it's a perfect gap- my eldest is old enough to grab me a nappy or entertain the little one if I need her to while I cook or do something but they are close in age that appropriate holidays and activities will be easier once the little one is walking.

I actually find it much easier this time round with a second and I'm so much more chilled. Plus I still had all the 'stuff' (I didn't actually plan the second but it worked out brilliantly)

Original poster

Littlefoxy · 22/04/2017 21:27

geddes he's not pressuring me, he sees it as my decision but I think he's just so in love with DD he's really broody (and maybe unrealistic).
Namechange thank you. From what I understand tiredness and stress can be triggers so being well rested and having a calmer birth I'm hoping will be enough to prevent it. And this time it went unnoticed by everyone apart from DP as the post care was sketchy but next time I'd be insisting on closer monitoring just in case. Actually I thought it was 2 year advises gap for c section as well but wondered if it had changed as SIL had smaller gap & 2 sections.

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Obsidian77 · 22/04/2017 21:35

I had a difficult birth with DC1 but nothing like what you went through. I gave it a year before trying again, conceived quickly and felt fucking dreadful every day of the pregnancy. I was exhausted from the start, struggled to cope with DC1, felt tremendous guilt that I wasn't feeling well enough to be a better parent to her.
DC2's birth was even worse and I'll never recover physically or psychologically.
Your partner is being incredibly selfish.
You were seriously ill and are still anxious.
If you're not 100% committed to the idea then it's too early for you, regardless of your age.

Frazzled2207 · 22/04/2017 22:39

I wouldn't yet. I got pregnant accidentally just after my eldest's 1st birthday and being pregnant and running after him was TOUGH. It is easier now they are 2 and 3.9 but given the choice I would have waited a bit longer.

Different strokes though some friends of mine had theirs 13 months apart and I'm flabbergasted that they managed to conceive that quickly tbh.

Greggers2017 · 22/04/2017 22:43

Not recent but my mum had an age gap of 13 months, then 11 months then 18 months between the eldest 4 and we get on amazingly well. There's 7 of us altogether and we have an amazing bond and we're never bored as children.

Anditstartsagain · 23/04/2017 08:47

I had a tough firsf labour i found difficult to get over my second pregnancy 3.5 years later brought it all back and I suffered some pretty bad anxiety throughout. I had trouble eating and sleeping I worried non stop then when I had to be induced for reduced movement I fell apart lay sobbing infront of everyone .

Going by my experience you need to feel healed from the first time. I felt I was better and it still came back if your still not healed emotionally it could be pretty hard going especially with a little baby to deal with already.

CottonSock · 23/04/2017 08:50

I was told not too after first c section, but I know someone who did and had six in six years all by section.

I'd give it another few months to decide though. Around 5 months mine both gave up sleeping and I wouldn't have wanted to be pregnant

LittleCandle · 23/04/2017 08:50

I know someone who had a section and was pregnant again by her 6 week check. She carried the baby, but it did cause damage, because she wasn't healed from the first section. She later had another baby, and has all sorts of problems relating from that second child. Speak to your GP before you try.

Original poster

Littlefoxy · 23/04/2017 09:33

Wow littlecandle! 6 weeks?! I was still struggling to function at that stage!

Thank you all your comments have been really helpful. I think we need to wait until next year. I do think I need to pursue some counselling though as I've realised part of me wants to be pregnant again so that I can somehow 'get it right' this time. I loved pregnancy and then the birth and first few months were so awful I want to have a different experience to try and undo the negative memories. But I guess that could hugely backfire.

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beekeeper17 · 23/04/2017 09:56

I have a 6 month old and am pregnant again, there will be a 13 month age gap. I must admit I'm pretty nervous about it all, but I think that any age gap is going to have its challenges, just different ones. One thing I have been grateful for so far was still being on maternity leave when going through the first trimester exhaustion. I could have a nap when baby naps during the day and didn't have to get up, dressed and get baby sorted for a specific time to get to work. Although I guess you just get on with it whatever way it works out for you. I would have ideally liked an 18 month gap but things happened a lot quicker than expected, and being in our late thirties we made the decision to just let nature take its course in case it did take us a long time to conceive again.

nellythegoat · 23/04/2017 16:04

I personally wouldn't, this is based one having fairly severe PND 3 times. I had two more babies after the age of 36 so I would tell your DH not to worry on that score. I would enjoy the baby stage without having a pg to worry about, I also found the larger the buffer between being well from the PND and falling pg again the better.

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