Is 5 months post childbirth too soon to try for baby 2?

[Littlefoxy]

I'm 36 I've had one mmc & now mother to a 5 month old. We want a second baby, maybe more but I'm unsure when to start trying again. My partner wants to start immediately, he's worried about my age. I've had some mental health problems related to traumatic birth & feeling much better but a little anxious at being pregnant again so soon. What's the pros/cons of different age gaps? Are we crazy to be risking 2 under 2?

[Obsidian77]

just wanted to add that I was told (a few years ago) that it takes 18 months after you give birth for your mineral levels to return to normal.
You might want to check this out in case you're recommended to take extra supplements.

[DaniHood]

I fell pregnant with dc2 when dc1 was 5.5 months old.
It took 3 years to get pregnant first time so I didnt want to wait, sods law I fell pregnant 2 weeks later!
A planned section is such a difference experience and I found that made it all manageable. I personally loved the smaller age gap and that was with my dc1 being very high needs velcro baby.
Its so hard as it could take months or years to even get pregnant .
Do what you feel is right for your family

[inniu]

I had a bigger gap but pregnancy number 2 was twins so 3 children under 2 years.

Something to consider

[Scrumptiouscrumpets]

I have a 22.5 month gap and have found it very tough. I was told by a midwife your body should be given at least the duration of the previous pregnancy to recover before the next pregnancy, so 9 months in most cases. This is wise advice imo, I think anything less than 18 months between DC is really, really hard, not only because the first DC is still tiny and needs constant attention, is likely to still be waking at night, but also because you haven't had much time to recover from the previous pregnancy and birth and also to adapt to being a mum. Having had psychosis means you should take even more care of yourself than any new mum should. I would wait until you feel totally well and 100% happy at the thought of being pregnant again.

[user1485778793]

I have an 11 month gap between me and my brother....my mum always said wait till the first can walk, I'm not sure why. Me and my brother started walking at the same time...either he walked very early or I was lazy haha

[Anditstartsagain]

Do try the counselling I seen the mat phycologist while pregnant with ds2 it really helped especially when my labour did go wrong again because everyone else told me it would be fine but I had went through the what if's with her so I knew when it went wrong I wanted an emcs immediately and had it im my notes I didn't want to wait in hours of pain and end up in theatre anyway.

[Eeeeek2]

I have a 5 month old and am 7 weeks pregnant. I had a difficult time after the birth but is not something that is likely to happen again.

We choose to try for a second as it took nearly a year to fall with the first and wanted a small gap. We both felt we could cope with the minimum gap if it happened. Was a bit shocked when it happened so quickly, just getting over the shock now.

Please speak to gp about c-section recovery/potential risk of pregnancy soon after.

Decide what the minimum age gap you want and don't start trying until you've reached it

[MrsGotobed]

I have a couple of friends who got pregnant again within 6-10 months of having their first baby.

Both really struggled and both admit they were probably on the verge of (if not suffering from) PND.

If you have doubts I would wait a bit.

[nellythegoat]

I personally wouldn't, this is based one having fairly severe PND 3 times. I had two more babies after the age of 36 so I would tell your DH not to worry on that score. I would enjoy the baby stage without having a pg to worry about, I also found the larger the buffer between being well from the PND and falling pg again the better.

[beekeeper17]

I have a 6 month old and am pregnant again, there will be a 13 month age gap. I must admit I'm pretty nervous about it all, but I think that any age gap is going to have its challenges, just different ones. One thing I have been grateful for so far was still being on maternity leave when going through the first trimester exhaustion. I could have a nap when baby naps during the day and didn't have to get up, dressed and get baby sorted for a specific time to get to work. Although I guess you just get on with it whatever way it works out for you. I would have ideally liked an 18 month gap but things happened a lot quicker than expected, and being in our late thirties we made the decision to just let nature take its course in case it did take us a long time to conceive again.

[Littlefoxy]

Wow littlecandle! 6 weeks?! I was still struggling to function at that stage!

Thank you all your comments have been really helpful. I think we need to wait until next year. I do think I need to pursue some counselling though as I've realised part of me wants to be pregnant again so that I can somehow 'get it right' this time. I loved pregnancy and then the birth and first few months were so awful I want to have a different experience to try and undo the negative memories. But I guess that could hugely backfire.

[LittleCandle]

I know someone who had a section and was pregnant again by her 6 week check. She carried the baby, but it did cause damage, because she wasn't healed from the first section. She later had another baby, and has all sorts of problems relating from that second child. Speak to your GP before you try.

[CottonSock]

I was told not too after first c section, but I know someone who did and had six in six years all by section.

I'd give it another few months to decide though. Around 5 months mine both gave up sleeping and I wouldn't have wanted to be pregnant

[Anditstartsagain]

I had a tough firsf labour i found difficult to get over my second pregnancy 3.5 years later brought it all back and I suffered some pretty bad anxiety throughout. I had trouble eating and sleeping I worried non stop then when I had to be induced for reduced movement I fell apart lay sobbing infront of everyone .

Going by my experience you need to feel healed from the first time. I felt I was better and it still came back if your still not healed emotionally it could be pretty hard going especially with a little baby to deal with already.

[Greggers2017]

Not recent but my mum had an age gap of 13 months, then 11 months then 18 months between the eldest 4 and we get on amazingly well. There's 7 of us altogether and we have an amazing bond and we're never bored as children.

[Frazzled2207]

I wouldn't yet. I got pregnant accidentally just after my eldest's 1st birthday and being pregnant and running after him was TOUGH. It is easier now they are 2 and 3.9 but given the choice I would have waited a bit longer.

Different strokes though some friends of mine had theirs 13 months apart and I'm flabbergasted that they managed to conceive that quickly tbh.

[Obsidian77]

I had a difficult birth with DC1 but nothing like what you went through. I gave it a year before trying again, conceived quickly and felt fucking dreadful every day of the pregnancy. I was exhausted from the start, struggled to cope with DC1, felt tremendous guilt that I wasn't feeling well enough to be a better parent to her.
DC2's birth was even worse and I'll never recover physically or psychologically.
Your partner is being incredibly selfish.
You were seriously ill and are still anxious.
If you're not 100% committed to the idea then it's too early for you, regardless of your age.

[Littlefoxy]

geddes he's not pressuring me, he sees it as my decision but I think he's just so in love with DD he's really broody (and maybe unrealistic).
Namechange thank you. From what I understand tiredness and stress can be triggers so being well rested and having a calmer birth I'm hoping will be enough to prevent it. And this time it went unnoticed by everyone apart from DP as the post care was sketchy but next time I'd be insisting on closer monitoring just in case. Actually I thought it was 2 year advises gap for c section as well but wondered if it had changed as SIL had smaller gap & 2 sections.

[Shadowboy]

I have a 2.2 year gap between my two. I believe for us it's a perfect gap- my eldest is old enough to grab me a nappy or entertain the little one if I need her to while I cook or do something but they are close in age that appropriate holidays and activities will be easier once the little one is walking.

I actually find it much easier this time round with a second and I'm so much more chilled. Plus I still had all the 'stuff' (I didn't actually plan the second but it worked out brilliantly)

[sphinxster]

I had an emergency section and got pregnancy 6 months after. It was advised against by my OB but I wanted a small age gap. I had placenta previa but I would've opted for another section anyway. Carried the baby to full term, elective section was a dream. Baby is now 2 months old and we have good days & bad days but I'm so happy with my beautiful babies.

As PP have said, there's no ideal age gap, do what works for you and what you want.

[geddes]

Yes I was advised 1 year after a vaginal birth. (Was 37.)

Your DP is being rather selfish I'm afraid. You're not a baby machine.

[NameChange30]

Also I've heard from a GP friend who had a c section that they advise waiting 2 years between pregnancies, because your uterus does need time to heal before it can cope with another pregnancy... but see what your GP says. Someone else I spoke to recently said 1 year so maybe the advice differs.

[NameChange30]

Well, you definitely have a lot of resilience because you coped with a traumatic birth and what sounds like a pretty scary mental health problem - and you've come out the other side Perhaps it will be preventable or at least more manageable next time, because you know it's a risk so you'll be able to get support in place?

Sorry you had such a difficult time and well done for getting through it

[Littlefoxy]

I'd opt for planned c section next time to reduce chance of horrendous labour so at least that would mean I can be more prepared mentally.

[Littlefoxy]

I had a c section so I was thinking I should ask GP if I need longer to heal. namechange I had debrief which was really helpful. I think I'm hindsight I had mild form of psychosis which can be very dangerous so I'm going to make contact with perinatal mental health team to ask to discuss it. There's a 50% recidivism rate so I want to be prepared in case I have similar problems with subsequent pregnancy. I think it's mainly that which is making me hesitate. I don't know what stresses lay ahead or how I'll cope. I was very shocked by how unwell I was during labour & after so I guess I don't really trust my own mental health anymore. I'd hate to have another baby only to discover I don't have the resilience to cope.