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Original poster

At what age did you have "the talk" with your children?

30 replies

uhoh2016 · 20/09/2016 07:27

Did you even have the talk or just leave everything to the sex education given in school? Ds is in y5 I think they do have some sort of sex Ed this year in school.
Also did mums speak with daughters and Dad's with son's? I'm asking cos I think his Dad will be much better than me especially talking about boy bits and feelings etc

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MyBreadIsEggy · 20/09/2016 07:33

Personally, I think it's hugely important for parents to have some kind of "talk" with their kids rather than leave it to the school.
My mum never talked to me about periods, puberty or sex. I learned the science of how babies are made from a tiny paragraph in a children's encyclopaedia, and got a vague idea of what a period was from my Year 6 teacher in a very basic lesson about puberty Hmm when I got my first period at 13, I was mortified and ran into my big sister's bedroom in tears because I didn't want to tell my mum Hmm
I won't be hiding facts of life from my Dd, and will answer her questions honestly but age appropriately when she asks them....if she doesn't ask, then I'll have a chat with her so she's a bit more clued up when sex ed starts at school, and not just sat there flabbergasted at what the teacher is saying like I was!

Bobochic · 20/09/2016 07:34

Buy him a book or two. So much better for DC to be able to read about puberty and sex in their own time.

PogoBob · 20/09/2016 07:39

I'm interested in this one too as 7 weeks pregnant and know 6 yo DD will be asking lots of questions when we tell her about the baby. She is very inquisitive and quite technical IYSWIM so can't be fobbed off with half answers

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coldcanary · 20/09/2016 07:45

DSwas 8 which was far too late as his friends older brother got there first and we had some correcting to do!
we learnt from experience and started talking to DD1 when she was around 6 (at first just about feelings and body parts) and she has a book she still dips into now she's 11.
DD2 is 4 - she knows the names of things because it's come up in conversation (no love Daddy doesn't have a tail..😄) but that's it.

BertieBotts · 20/09/2016 07:47

Argh lost my post!

It's been ongoing.

Condoms + periods at 2 or 3 when he asked about condoms and tampons.

I remember a conversation at 4 when he thought my period was a pyramid and tried to look for it!

At 5 talking about genes, sperm and egg and womb needed to make a baby, normally mum + dad use their own and raise the baby but sometimes they can't so it works differently.

Next couple of years lots of what you get from stepdad (attitude, interests, behaviour), what you get from uninvolved bio dad (looks, height) and what you get from mum (both)

At 7 almost 8 some emergence of BO so we talked about that and body hair recently.

dementedpixie · 20/09/2016 07:49

We didn't have a big talk but spoke about things as and when they arose. Sometimes those chats would be in the car or while having lunch, etc. Dd started her periods age 11 but knew about them well in advance. Ds has probably known more at an earlier age as he was around when talking to Dd (he is 10 now). I certainly didn't leave it to the school to educate them about puberty/sex, etc as surely that is my job as a parent

claraschu · 20/09/2016 07:52

Ongoing conversation about everything with both parents. I really believe it's important to talk freely with kids starting very simply when they are little. That makes it easier to talk openly and repeatedly with your 15 year old son about how if he doesn't use a condom and his girlfriend gets pregnant, he will have absolutely no say over whether he becomes a father.

PinkSwimGoggles · 20/09/2016 07:54

never
we answer all question as they come up.
and just talk if topics come up, like a pregnant relative.

we also have a comic book about sex and relationships which we read with dc from around age 5.

SunnySomer · 20/09/2016 07:55

We've been doing it in dribs and drabs since forever. Every time he asked a question when he was small I tried to answer (just the question he asked). When he was 9 we had the talk as he seems to be starting puberty. We talked mainly about puberty, briefly and at high level about sex (he was simultaneously intrigued and appalled) and have left it open so he can come back with questions. Have the Usborne book which seems to me a bit older than him, but I've left it with him to look through at his own pace. My DH has been utterly useless at conveying any info whatsoever - though some questions (about what things physically feel like) I've had to say "you need to check with your father".

PinkSwimGoggles · 20/09/2016 07:55

y5 - much too late imo. they will have heard/seen stuff on the playground. often not true.

SecretMongoose · 20/09/2016 07:59

Ongoing here too, answering questions as and when they come up (such as one in the car, why do mummies lick daddies willies? From my then 6 year old who had heard it at school!).
I don't want it to be a taboo or embarrassing topic. Both my DS and dd have books about puberty which I gave them when they were around 8. My dd has had lots of practical questions about periods, my DS hasn't asked anything yet.

AdaLovelacesCat · 20/09/2016 07:59

Year 5? are you seriously suggesting that a ten year old doesnt know the facts of life?

Good grief he could be having sex in two years time. I suggest you should have educated your child at home at a much younger age, and he has probably had his mind twisted by all kind of horrible porny stuff in the playground.

PacificOcean · 20/09/2016 08:04

Personally I haven't had a big 'talk', but I have answered questions factually and calmly as they have arisen.

Brokenbiscuit · 20/09/2016 08:15

Drip fed since she was a toddler - just taking opportunities to talk as and when things come up, answering her questions etc. It's mostly me that talks to dd about that kind of stuff. DH was told nothing as a child, and had no sex ed in school either, so it's difficult for him to discuss stuff in a relaxed, factual way.

Believeitornot · 20/09/2016 08:18

Er my ds is 6 and has asked where babies came from about two years ago. So I told him. As he got older, he asked more information so we have it in an age appropriate way.

My dd is 4 and hasn't asked. I need to start talking to her about it actually as don't want her to pick up all sorts of dross via school friends etc.

So I wouldn't make it into "a talk". That's what my DH's parents did and it was incredibly awkward especially as they were quite old (double digit in ages from memory). It should come up naturally.

Why not get a book or something, give it to them and ask them to come to you with any questions. We've got a book which I left out for ds. Will dig it out for dd, this is a good prompt!

Original poster
uhoh2016 · 20/09/2016 08:46

Ada he's only just turned 9 and no i really don't think he will be having sex in 2 years time! 🙈 I'm not saying he's completely oblivious but I think he's far from engaging into anything physically sexual. He has a gf but was completely disgusted at me when I asked if he had kissed her.
I've got 3 boys so don't really need to go through the period talk into too much detail as obviously they'll not experience it themselves.

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AdaLovelacesCat · 20/09/2016 08:48

" I've got 3 boys so don't really need to go through the period talk into too much detail as obviously they'll not experience it themselves. "

really? I honestly think that it is attitudes like these that lead to so many teenage boys wanting to have sex and to take no responsibility at all.
Yes you need to have the 'period talk'. How irresponsible.

BertrandRussell · 20/09/2016 08:48

No need for the "talk"

Normal conversation and answering questions means that they should know everything long before year 5.

And why would you fob off a 6 year old with half answers?

Temporaryanonymity · 20/09/2016 09:03

I haven't given either of my sons "the talk." They've asked questions about periods and babies since they were very small. I decided to answer any questions that they asked; I think at 9 and 7 they pretty much know everything now.

I have started to talk to my older son about hormones and feelings as he is displaying signs of puberty. No big shocks is my motto; I don't want them finding things out at school for the first time.

Original poster
uhoh2016 · 20/09/2016 09:11

Ada I said period talk in too much detail not as in never mention it at all

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MissPattie · 20/09/2016 09:12

I have a Y5 boy who only turned 9 in the summer. And who does not seem inquisitive at all. Not in the slightest. I do not want to force it and I've not had the 'big talk' with him. And not planning to in the Short term. It is in my mind though.

However, when his 6 yr old brother has asked I've made sure older DS was in earshot when explaining about periods, eggs and seeds, mummies and daddies making babies, etc etc. Also trying to lay down the groundwork about men who love men, and women who love women.

HarleyQuinzel · 20/09/2016 09:13

You should talk to them about girls too, one day he will probably have a wife who will go through periods and childbirth, no need for him to be ignorant.

A 9 year old will be asking these questions, would you rather he learned from his mum and dad or other 9 year olds ?

claraschu · 20/09/2016 09:13

I think it is really important for boys to understand about periods. It is interesting to know about our reproductive systems, and it is crucial that boys don't see periods as something dirty, embarrassing, cringy, funny, etc. As they get older, they should know about women's fertility and about how hormones can affect women, so they don't turn into men who snicker about women's bodily functions.

Original poster
uhoh2016 · 20/09/2016 09:19

temp yes that's what I mean about hormones and feelings etc i don't feel equipped enough having never being a hormonal boy.
He knows the basics ie what sex is the physicality of it and that it makes babies. I suppose what I'm asking is how do you speak to boys about feelings/urges etc.
I don't periods myself so there's no tampons/pads in the house so they've never had to question what they are for

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Original poster
uhoh2016 · 20/09/2016 09:40

Our youngest is only a baby so when they asked how baby got in mum tummy we told them in a basic age appropriate way. I answer any questions they ask but in honesty they don't ask much. I suppose I'm asking how to progress it to a more age appropriate level now he's older if he's not asking questions himself

OP posts: