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Original poster

What do we REALLY think about mums with huge age gaps between their children?

224 replies

noseyoldbag · 31/01/2007 09:03

Right, I'll be quite upfront - I'm a regular on here but have changed my name cos i know this topic will raise some hackles! I'm interested to hear what you all REALLY think about mums who, once DC 1 and 2 have started school,think 'oooh, what shall i do with my life now...i know i'll pop out another one!' I know several mums where this has been the case -they've admitted as much. IMO it's selfish and indulgent, both financially (in one case i know the husband had spent years slogging away on overtime so mum could be a SAHM and then she practically pressganged him into having another kid so she didn't have to work) and also emotionally selfish cos in many ways it's easier to focus on another baby than the changing needs of older children.
I know the usual arguments - in a sense any child is an 'indulgence'- we all have babies cos we want them etc and I've nothing against larger families. I'm just interested in this particular scenario, cos it seems to be quite a trend round my way for SAHMs in particular to pop out DC3 and maybe 4 once the older ones are at school.

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hunkermunker · 01/02/2007 00:28

I think that NOB is jealous, actually.

I have had a small age gap, we can't afford another child now, I had PND after both boys, we're moving house, I'm working full time, etc, etc - another small age gap would kill me, I'm sure. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I have them both, obv - but if I do have another baby, I want to try a bigger gap and see what that's like.

Nice to know that's "emotionally selfish" and "indulgent"! I thought it was "sensible" and "responsible forward-planning".

myturn · 01/02/2007 00:32

Lol at this thread. Honestly, does anyone really care WHEN other people have their children? Must they be popped out in yearly succession in order to be accepted by society? I'm sure no-one could care less. And if they do - they need to have a few more of their own, regardless of the age gap, to give them something to do with their time.

For the record, I have 4. 15 mths between dd1 and dd2, a whopping 6yrs between dd2 and dd3 (shock horror), 15 mths between dd3 and dd4. Whether it was all planned or not (it wasn't BTW) it has got feck all to do with anyone else. And I really believe no-one else is interested and could remotely care. And neither should they. This is the most non-controversial controversial thread I have come across lol.

DimpledThighs · 01/02/2007 00:40

never really gave much thought about when and how people had their families unless invited to.

None of my business.

I find it strange that you have this idea of couples having to outwit each other instead of planning their family together.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
JillybeansNW · 01/02/2007 01:11

OMG - I have a son of 18, Dad absent from the start, a son of 7.5, dad in forces who is now my DH. Thought that was my lot, had coil fitted, found myself pregnant with DD (now 5 months). I was on my way back from school run, pushing DD in buggy, and distant neighbour came out, smiled at me and said 'empty nest syndrome?'. I didn't hit her, but felt like it. I carefully explained that I had a merina coil that no-one has yet found, so NO. I presume that you (OP) live on my street and are that neighbour with the pampas grass growing outside (and we all know what that means )

sandcastles · 01/02/2007 02:46

We will have a large-ish gap between dd and 2nd dc. I always wanted first dc to be around 4 anyway before 2nd came along.

DD is three, 7 months ago we emigrated to Oz. At present I am as broody as anything, highlighted by the fact I am babysitting a friends ds, 10 months, every now & then.

I am learning to drive, as have found that it is rather essential here because of the heat & I don't want to be pg using public transport.

So we will TTC as soon as I have passed my test (have to hold learners permit for 6 months before test) so dd will be at least 4 before we do so.

Nothing to do with her going to school & not wanting to go back to work. Want 2 children, time not yet right for ttc.

eidsvold · 01/02/2007 03:23

nothing - none of my business - just like the fact that I will have 3 under 5 come Mar - is none of anyone else's business.

CAMy · 01/02/2007 09:11

Sorry noseyoldbag but your obvious resentment of people who have "large" age gaps between their children cannot be explained away by trying to make us feel sorry for you because you had to share your mother with your siblings!!

That's basically the nob, sorry nub of it isn't it?

Well I so didn't want to go back to work that I waited 24 years till my dd1 had left home and a child of her own before I selfishly and indulgently had another dd.

Or was it because I met my fabulous dh2 and we loved each other so much that one day we found dd2 under a gooseberry bush in our garden?

Don't worry though, n.o.b, we've cut down all the gooseberry bushes now

EuroExpat · 01/02/2007 09:21

Noseyoldbag, I can´t believe what you´ve written. Really I can´t. Let people make their choices. It´s nothing to do with you.

ScottishMummy · 01/02/2007 09:29

Blimey noseyoldbag - are u really trying to wind people up or are u having a laugh with your pseudo-controversial windbag views about how people's children

Pitchounette · 01/02/2007 09:30

Message withdrawn

eviletc · 01/02/2007 09:33

what a stupid OP.

there are 7 years between dd and her older brother. and there is another dd in between. IF i decide to have another (which will be, strangely enough, because i WANT another baby and not because i have nothing better to do with my time), i will not even be considering it until dd2 is at least 2. if you want to bang out 4 kids in 4 years, fair play to you. if you want to space them out a bit, fair play to you too. none of my business IMO.

which, mathemeticians, will mean at least a 9 year age gap between ds and the hypothetical baby.

there are 9 years between me and my youngest sister. we get on fab. as do me and my other sister who is 6 years younger than me. my brother, who is 3 years younger than me - i don't get on with and hardly see.

read into that what you will oh judging and cowardly noseyoldbag. i normally try and not post if i have nothing nice to say but you have riled my feathers in no small way.

and congrats fio btw

Pitchounette · 01/02/2007 09:44

Message withdrawn

eviletc · 01/02/2007 09:50

she is judging for judging's sake.
yes, i know this is mn and it's what we do best. but saying "what do you really think?" is just encouraging a pile-in. and not even a tongue-in-cheek one.

i hold my hand up to doing my fair share of judging both in rl and here, but it would never occur to me to judge people over the age-gaps between their children.

hmm what do we really think about people who have both dogs and cats as pets? or people who wear blue coats instead of black ones? or people who own umbrellas?

this has really wound me up

so if there is a distant sound of triptrapping, well then mission accomplished

MusicLover · 01/02/2007 10:05

Well I have 6 yrs between my Dc's & wouldn't consider that to be a 'big gap'.

I already had DS before I met my DH (who was then 2.5),plus I lost another shortly afterwards at 20wks gestation! My DH had 3 DC's from previous too. We actually decided not to have any more at that time as 4 seemed enough!
As we loved each other very much, we did decide to have one between us & can honestly say it was the best thing that could have happened between us.

My mum had me & my brother close together when she was young & then went on to have another one when I was 21.
I was over the moon about this, as I didn't have children of my own at that time. I treated my little sister like she was my own & loved her to bits, & still do. She loves having an older big Sister too.

Fess up N.O.B, I think you are wrong to judge really!!!!

Gingerbear · 01/02/2007 10:26

Oh Dear OP.
At least I had the balls to make a twat of myself under my own name.

If you had thought a bit deeper about what you really meant to say, and told your own story instead of how your experience has affected your views, maybe this thread would have turned out differently.

Gingerbear · 01/02/2007 10:29

When you say they have 'admitted as much' as in, having a 3rd child 'for selfish reasons'. What is so wrong with being fulfilled in life by having children?

Gingerbear · 01/02/2007 10:31

I know a mum at DD's school who has 4 children of her own, has fostered about 8 children and has recently adopted 2. She has made her life's work caring for children.
I think that is to be admired.

Pitchounette · 01/02/2007 10:41

Message withdrawn

CAMy · 01/02/2007 10:43

You're talking as much nonsense as the op.

Its not "insulting", its just twattish, basically another stick to beat other women with

Yawn, yawn, yawn

Pitchounette · 01/02/2007 10:48

Message withdrawn

MusicLover · 01/02/2007 10:50

Pitch, You have obviously not read all posts then. Not everyone has answered the question as such, but they have explained their own situations & why, which does explain what they think of the op!

You're getting yourself into a hole here & I expect others to rise to your post too. You have no idea of peolpes reasons for having no gaps/big gaps inbetween children.
I think your post is very thoughtless!!

Like alot have said it really is no-ones business anyway.

MusicLover · 01/02/2007 10:59

If she had jsut asked the question & left it at that, it would have not caused outrage would it?
It was the fact that she is judging!!! The same as what you are doing Pitch!

Pitchounette · 01/02/2007 11:00

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 01/02/2007 11:03

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 01/02/2007 11:17

i'd rather eat my own arse than have another kid. i personally think small children are horrible leeches that suck out your very soul.

so i usually think "dear god how awful for you" when given this news of someone i know.

i realise somepeople actually like babies, however i think its rather like my aversion to ham. I know other people eat it - but i can't for the life of me understand why they like it.