What do we REALLY think about mums with huge age gaps between their children?

[noseyoldbag]

Right, I'll be quite upfront - I'm a regular on here but have changed my name cos i know this topic will raise some hackles! I'm interested to hear what you all REALLY think about mums who, once DC 1 and 2 have started school,think 'oooh, what shall i do with my life now...i know i'll pop out another one!' I know several mums where this has been the case -they've admitted as much. IMO it's selfish and indulgent, both financially (in one case i know the husband had spent years slogging away on overtime so mum could be a SAHM and then she practically pressganged him into having another kid so she didn't have to work) and also emotionally selfish cos in many ways it's easier to focus on another baby than the changing needs of older children.
I know the usual arguments - in a sense any child is an 'indulgence'- we all have babies cos we want them etc and I've nothing against larger families. I'm just interested in this particular scenario, cos it seems to be quite a trend round my way for SAHMs in particular to pop out DC3 and maybe 4 once the older ones are at school.

my midwife asked me if mine had different fathers

If it had been followed up with Q's about my other children, maybe it would have been appropriate, but that didn't happen.

In answer to the OP: I think absolutely nothing at all.

As it's really none of my business, so I don't much care.

I fully intend to have gaps of at least years betwen dd and any subsequent children. This is because I don't feel that I could cope with more than one toddler/baby at a time and to renable me to work fulltime for a few more years.

I don't care why other prople have the age gaps they do so long as they are happy and love their children.

Ps when children are admitted to hospital they should all get a full social history documented in their notes. At my hospital, and others I have worked in, there is a sheet to fill in which includes parents names, dob, occupations, smoking staus and family tree. It's not just for strictly medical reasons like family history of illness but also so that staff know who might be ringing up the ward asking about a child, visiting, who can legally consent for procedures etc.

Hey, fio. What wonderful news.
I'm astonished at the OP- I have never thought about large age gaps as negative at all. My kids will probably be about 10 when/if we get round to having another one.

at the op Haven't read the rest but I can honestly say I have never given it a minutes thought.

(congratulations Fio )

Can't win can you? I've had people telling me I was "depriving" ds because he was an only child, now he's about to become a big brother at 5.5 it seems I'll have people judging on the basis of the age gap (not to mention on the basis that I'll be having #2 at 40+).

Neither situation came about by choice - it just happens that both conceiving and hanging on them took 5 years+ each time.

But it's easy to judge when things happen easily/according to plan for you isn't it?

And I'm hardly getting to have another 5 years of idleness as the OP seems to think - I've worked full-time throughout, and will continue to do so when this one arrives. I'm sure there are plenty of others in the same situation.

This thread has been really interesting and when I thought I what I could post I giggled to myself!

There are 20 years between myself and my youngest sibling....

...but there are seven others in between! I am the oldest of nine and there are some 18month gaps, some 2 years, some 3 and a 4 year gap towards the end. But it all evens out! My mum has always worked (though not always full time) and I always get questions about whether we are all from the same father. Which we are, not that its anyone else's business!

My DDs are 9 years apart, and I will admit I was devastated when I discovered I was PG both times. I just wasn't being careful enough, the old 'Oh, it won't happen to me' idea. BTW I have worked right through both pregnancies and went back 4 months after each of them was born, so I'm not looking for a reason not to go out to work here. I have had a few remarks about the age gap, but honestly didn't think people were casting aspersions....until now! The only thing I felt from people sometimes was that they thought my DDs were by different fathers (they are not) but it's an impression I got because they were so far apart in age.

Do you know what I think ??

I think - "It's up to them, It's none of my business".

What a nasty thread !!!!

How utterly cowardly of you to post under a changed name! I've not read past the original post which is judgemental and nasty.

So I'm selfish and indulgent because DD was born when DS2 was in reception Or is it just that she took longer to come along than expected.

Crawl back under your slimey rock and don't come out again.

I think 'how sensible' .

I'd do the same myself if I wasn't about 165.

It really bugs me why do people feel the need to comment unless you have the so-called perfect one of each 2.5 years apart.

I honestly couldn't care less if you have an 18 year gap or an 18 month one, one or six children. Does anyone else's family choice affect me? No! Then I am not going to judge anyone.

Agree,it is sensible! I have
DD1 17
DS 11
DD2 7
DD3 1
someone once asked if my husband had been in prison!!
Would never have had 4 children close together.only downside is about 30 yrs of the school run!

Experts recommend a four year gap between children

They have reached this conclusion after studies found this to be the "perfect" amount of time between babies - the reasons for this are (so ive read) that with a four year gap, the first child has had enough individual time and attention with the parent/ parents, therefore becoming more secure, then the new baby will be the "right" age for the two children to develop a close relationship and a good bond (they are both at the correct age to still have things in common, and play together.. but not two far apart in age to have nothing in common)

Anyway, I really have no opinion on this - I think every baby is a blessing and it is up to the parents to choose when and if they are ready for another. If baby is loved and provided for does it really matter a damn how big a gap there is? Each to their own, I say!!

Crikey, NOB, your pseudonym initials also sum you right up!

? I don't think anything at all - how would I know why they had children when they did.

I've had my 2, 3 & 5 yo's at home today with coughs, colds and conjunctivitis. I see the wisdom in big age gaps between DCs.

I know it is boring VVVQV .... but I want to pick up on something NoseyOldBag said about her mother ...

"i think there was more of an expectation that mothers stayed at home and had kids, whereas my mother was an intelligent and dynamic woman and would have benefitted from having a more rounded life"

Why does staying at home and having children mean that a woman does not have a rounded life? I know this isn't a SAHM v. WOHM debate ... but why can't an intelligent and dynamic woman stay at home to bring up her children ... and have lots of children, with big age gaps? Why is that a bad thing?

I am an intelligent and dynamic woman ... I am a SAHM primarily but I do work from home ... I have a rounded life ... I am giving the best of me to my children rather than an employer ... that is the way I want it ... the way DH and I planned it ...

LOL...i merely inferred I was tired ghosty