What do we REALLY think about mums with huge age gaps between their children?

[noseyoldbag]

Right, I'll be quite upfront - I'm a regular on here but have changed my name cos i know this topic will raise some hackles! I'm interested to hear what you all REALLY think about mums who, once DC 1 and 2 have started school,think 'oooh, what shall i do with my life now...i know i'll pop out another one!' I know several mums where this has been the case -they've admitted as much. IMO it's selfish and indulgent, both financially (in one case i know the husband had spent years slogging away on overtime so mum could be a SAHM and then she practically pressganged him into having another kid so she didn't have to work) and also emotionally selfish cos in many ways it's easier to focus on another baby than the changing needs of older children.
I know the usual arguments - in a sense any child is an 'indulgence'- we all have babies cos we want them etc and I've nothing against larger families. I'm just interested in this particular scenario, cos it seems to be quite a trend round my way for SAHMs in particular to pop out DC3 and maybe 4 once the older ones are at school.

Don't want to get into a SAHM v WOHM debate cappucino, but please do not say being a sahm is harder, it is sure to raise the heckles of us who do work outside the home and inside the home.

oh don't rise to it ladies....

so consensus is that no-one agrees with the OP

fine

thread over

The opinion of the OP is that of a bitter & twisted airhead.

going to work is the only time I get any sodding peace

actually I was going to say that if I see a really big age gap I think:
failed contraception
and then
at one last baby
some people like babies
babies are good news
imo

Are you coming back to this thread then NOB??

I had DS2 2 weeks before DS1 started school. It took me two years to conceive DS2 and I had two miscarriages along the way - simply the worst time of my life. Selfish, I don't think so.

psml at Olive and her HOT coffee

I just think - oh a baby, congratulations, but don't have any real opinion. And 5 years is hardly a huge age gap - now 15 years is!

Olive, you are supposed to wave the flag for us WOHM's.

Not tell them it's easy.

I think NOB has scuttled off, hopefully realising what a nob she's been.

lol northerner and olive

Either that, or she has spontaneously combusted over the age gaps on this thread, edam

depends on the child(ren) on what job is easier

if you met dd2, you would understand

Why do so many people think you have to have two children and no more and the age gap has to be 2- 2.5 years?

I also know lots of people who had the first two children within two or so years and then had a third when the second started/was about to start school. I don't think it has anything to do with not wanting to go back to work - more that they didn't want to have 3 pre-school children to cope with or else the fact that they could now go back to work or that they are getting older and their fertility is likely to decrease made them realise that actually they did want a third.... Many of them are wohms so that kind of scuppers your argument doesn't it?

Ideally I would have liked my age gaps to be exactly what the OP described - 2 years between the first two and then a longer gap. However, due to fertility problems I have a bigger gap between the older two and then 2.5 years between no. 2 and 3. I often wonder if people who don't know me very well think the youngest two have a different father to the eldest!

Surely it also depends on the job?

Tills at ASDA piece of piss, hot shot lawyer bit more tricky.

eh? Don't get this. What would I think about a dm having big gaps between her dc? Never think anything about it

yes but tills at Asda involve people, hot shot lawyer, quiet desk

anyway, I must go and refill my cup, ta ta

northerner, surely that depends ?

The person on the ASDA tills may HATE the job, the days may drag, the pay may be shite but they have to work to pay the bills etc

The hotshot lawyer may love their job, find it fulfilling, enjoyable and relatively easy from a knowledge/skills pov.

Or vice-versa. It depends on the person

Well I am sure that situation does occur sometimes but oversimplying it somewhat to automatically think that is the case. I have to admit that my 3rd was partially an indulgence and at times I do feel guilt when I can't give them all attention. not a big age gap in my case as they are all evenly spaced with roughly 3 years between also my eldest (who has special needs) LOVES his baby brother. I wanted dd to have another sibling as she doesn't get on well with my eldest, so many reasons why it worked for us.

Can't say I've ever really thought about it much and not had much experience of the scenario you mention. I do know of a mum who made her husband have his vasectomy reversed when the youngest (of 5!) started nursery so she could have another baby.

Yes of course it depends on lots of things.

what a bizarre thing to think about.

there's 9 years between my brother and me. My parents would have like another one sooner, but my mum miscarried 7 times.

Don't judge.

Why do people constantly feel the urge to judge other people's life choices?

My Mom was really upset with me when I got PG with DS2 as she thought the age gap was too small (2yrs) and both DC's would suffer, they haven't, obv. I cannot tell you the number of people who, when I was pg came out with comments along the lines of "2yr gap, are you mad? Thats going to be sooo hard" but we chose that age gap and it suits us.

It's no-one's business and whatever works for the individual, what a judgemental and ridiculous OP, imo

liked even