What do we REALLY think about mums with huge age gaps between their children?

[noseyoldbag]

Right, I'll be quite upfront - I'm a regular on here but have changed my name cos i know this topic will raise some hackles! I'm interested to hear what you all REALLY think about mums who, once DC 1 and 2 have started school,think 'oooh, what shall i do with my life now...i know i'll pop out another one!' I know several mums where this has been the case -they've admitted as much. IMO it's selfish and indulgent, both financially (in one case i know the husband had spent years slogging away on overtime so mum could be a SAHM and then she practically pressganged him into having another kid so she didn't have to work) and also emotionally selfish cos in many ways it's easier to focus on another baby than the changing needs of older children.
I know the usual arguments - in a sense any child is an 'indulgence'- we all have babies cos we want them etc and I've nothing against larger families. I'm just interested in this particular scenario, cos it seems to be quite a trend round my way for SAHMs in particular to pop out DC3 and maybe 4 once the older ones are at school.

I wouldn't think anything of it tbh. I don't really consider 4/5 years a huge age gap. I'd probably think they had always wanted more but couldn't afford them closer together or perhaps hadn't been able to conceive them closer together.

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people can do what they want, it's their business. i have an 8 year gap btw!

well, since there's 6 years between me and my sister! - i was an accident, mum's not too fertile and had got a bit careless, but she was delighted anyway. Also what people say is not necessarily the true version of events - they may be hiding years of trying to conceive behind a 'can't be bothered working' facade.

I'd agree it can be a selfish decision but so can anything else. Sorry, not judging on this one!

There are 11 years between my 2nd and 3rd siblings, obviously wasn't planned but Mum got on with it and then fostered more younger kids as well. She definitely doesn't fit into your 'selfish' argument - she was just starting to return to full time work when she got pregnant and continues to work on a temporary basis now.

Wouldn't think anything of it. Maybe they want 3 or more but can't afford the childcare so wait until the older ones are in school.

Their business and if the dh/dp's really didn't want more then they can do something about that. It's called contraception lol!

I have a large age gap (4 years and 2 months) between my children. I would be very hurt and upset if people thought that I only had a gap like that because I wanted to continue to be a SAHM.
I was in no fit state to be pregnant again before DS was 2 due to severe PND and then we moved to NZ which kind of made us have to put it all on hold for a bit.
I then had a miscarriage (at 12 weeks) a week before DS's 3rd birthday
So then it took a bit of time to get pg again and DD was born after DS was 4.
So, how do you know that these 'selfish' and 'lazy' people haven't had an awful time between the births of their children?

I think it is mean to have such assumptions.

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why would you 'really think' anything about those mums? I couldn't give two hoots what other mums do, what age gap they have, whether they breast/bottle feed, use disposable nappies or cloth, what the heck has it got to do with me?

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Surely it's not selfish, as those mums I know with this type of gap manage to get their older ones to clubs, sports and the littlest has fun going along with them, playing with a ball by the side and also gets loads of love and fuss from older siblings too - i think it sounds lovely. Having said that, there is 6 1/2 yrs between my sister and I as my Mum had problems conceiving - I hated growing up feeling like an only child, but I suspect that it wouldn;t have been the case in a louder/larger more sociable family. Live and let live I say.....as long as there's a loving family I think all are happy, including the littlest.

Exactly Joolstoo ...

4 or 5 years isn't a huge gap at all.

noseyoldbag, I agree with everyone else who says I don't think twice about families with larger age gaps.

But then I think the fuss about age gaps in general is a load of old cobblers.

How do you know the men are being press-ganged ?

How do you know the men resent 'slogging away' at work for years on end ?

How do you know that mothers of young children have them in order to neglect their older children ?

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My ds is 3.5 so if we do get round to having another there will be a big age gap (assuming we still can). No-one's business but ours, tbh. Doesn't stop people being downright rude and asking when we are having no. 2 though, or saying 'don't you want another'. I am always tempted to say 'actually, we've been trying for ages and having some problems so that's a really insensitive question' just to embarrass them and make them realise how thoughtless they are being.

Suggest you mind your own business and stop worrying about how other people live their lives.

I'd like to make an assumption about cowards who name change!

I have an 11 yr age gap and it's none of your business why!

I should have added that I love my wee sister to bits, and her arrival brought changes, but in the long term all positive (she's 14 now). We took on more responsibilty for looking after her, and she had loads of fun copying her older sisters!

noseyoldbag - I think you have a lot of "issues" and you need to get a life

Oh and I think you are very cowardly, name changing in order to post this. If you want to make huge, sweeping judgements of other people just for fun, have the courage of your convictions and do it in your own name. You are clearly ashamed of yourself at some level. So you should be.

I think 'how nice for them, another baby'.

What a mean spirited post.

lol fio