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Original poster

What do we REALLY think about mums with huge age gaps between their children?

224 replies

noseyoldbag · 31/01/2007 09:03

Right, I'll be quite upfront - I'm a regular on here but have changed my name cos i know this topic will raise some hackles! I'm interested to hear what you all REALLY think about mums who, once DC 1 and 2 have started school,think 'oooh, what shall i do with my life now...i know i'll pop out another one!' I know several mums where this has been the case -they've admitted as much. IMO it's selfish and indulgent, both financially (in one case i know the husband had spent years slogging away on overtime so mum could be a SAHM and then she practically pressganged him into having another kid so she didn't have to work) and also emotionally selfish cos in many ways it's easier to focus on another baby than the changing needs of older children.
I know the usual arguments - in a sense any child is an 'indulgence'- we all have babies cos we want them etc and I've nothing against larger families. I'm just interested in this particular scenario, cos it seems to be quite a trend round my way for SAHMs in particular to pop out DC3 and maybe 4 once the older ones are at school.

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damewashalot · 31/01/2007 09:23

Have to agree why change your name?

What I want to know is this.... I have a 4 1\2 yr gap between ds2 and 3 but because ds2 is older in the school year he was still at preschool when ds3 was born, so is that ok noseyoldbag as I didn't have 2 children in school? or am I still being indulgent?

ghosty · 31/01/2007 09:24

My sister has been trying for another baby for YEARS - her DD is now 4 and a half and my DSis is becoming resigned to the fact that she may well only ever have one child (she is 40 now).
If (please god) she does get pregnant in the next year or so she will have a big gap ...
No one knows the sadness she has suffered with her inability to concieve another baby ...

I am now going to parp this thread ... it has upset me noseyoldbag, whoever you are ...

mumto3girls · 31/01/2007 09:24

I have a 2yr gap between my first two dd's and then a huge 11 yr gap between dd2 and dd3. I had to work once the elder two had both started school as we couldn't survice on one wage then. After a decade of working we were then able to decide if 2 was enough or if we were going to ever have another.

Now DD3 is here and we can afford for me to be a SAHM for a couple of years at least.

Are we selfish ?

If this is what you think of your friend's decisions on their family size, I'd hate to hear what you say about people you don't like!!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
damewashalot · 31/01/2007 09:24

Oh and congrats fio

Cappuccino · 31/01/2007 09:26

oh yes as it's so easy to 'pop' out children

and so easy to look after the little blighters

it's not like work at all

3rdTriMossTer · 31/01/2007 09:26

I think, how lovely for them to have another baby. And how lovely for that baby to have older dc's who feel they can help out.

Oati · 31/01/2007 09:26

well I have 2 yrs between mine, so I have no personal angle on this, but I really don't see what the problem is - people can do what they like.

I had my kids in my 40s, so I guess that I won't be having a 'second wave' in 10 yrs time, but if anyone wants to, good luck to them.

A good friend of mine had 2 in her 20s and an unexpected 3rd when the first 2 were teenagers. Good for her

oliveoil · 31/01/2007 09:26

congrats Fio!

What I really think about women with huge age gaps is that it is non of my business or anyone elses for that matter.

Oati · 31/01/2007 09:27

and Congratulations to Fio

damewashalot · 31/01/2007 09:27

I'm goping to step away from the keyboard now, this has really wound me up

itsmeNDP · 31/01/2007 09:29

What about the pros of having an age gap ? Have you considered those ?

The fact that once your older child is at school you have time to spend with your baby without it eating into your quality time with your first child ?

Are people that have all of their children in a small amount of time (say 3 under 5 or whatever) selfish for not being able to give them any real one-on-one time ?

Honestly, noseyoldbag, I think these thoughts you have are odd.

Cloudhopper · 31/01/2007 09:29

I thought I would never do this, but

trip trap....

Dior · 31/01/2007 09:29

Message withdrawn

Soapbox · 31/01/2007 09:29

Gosh, isn't that a very rude OP post!

I think mother's can do what the hell they like with gaps between their children.

My younger sister is 5 years younger than me, and I adored her as a child and we are still close now!

If people want to extend their families, why on earth would any one else be bothered about it[baffled emotion]

Hassled · 31/01/2007 09:30

I have a nine year gap between DD1 and DS2, then another 4 years before I had DS3. In my case I was in a different relationship, and DP had no previous children - I was very young when I had my eldest and had never really stopped being broody. With DS3 I just spent too long dithering about whether it was the right thing to do. SO yes, there are loads of different reasons for big age gaps - and incidentally I really recommend it; it's hard dealing with teenage and toddler strops at the same time but I always have babysitters on tap!

itsmeNDP · 31/01/2007 09:30

lol dior

FioFio · 31/01/2007 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nogoes · 31/01/2007 09:31

I have one ds (2.5), ideally I plan on having baby no 2 when ds is around 3.9 which will give me about 3 or 4 months with both of them before ds starts school. I have always wanted this age gap and don't see it as being self indulgent it is just personal choice.
I could argue that people with small gaps are selfish because the child gets less attention but I wouldn't because that is just as stupid as your arguement. You obviously have too much time on your hands.

itsmeNDP · 31/01/2007 09:31

Absolutely, nogoes

dejags · 31/01/2007 09:32

This must be a wind-up.

So am I somehow strange because my kids will be:

DS1 6
DS2 2.9
DD 0 (currently pregnant)

Or would you suggest that everybody should have 3 under five.

By your standards a three year gap is odd. A bit difficult if you wanted to have 3/4 kids.

ghosty · 31/01/2007 09:32

'NOB' - brilliant
congrats FioFio ...

piglit · 31/01/2007 09:34

What a nasty OP. And you don't even have the courage to post under your own name.

Oh how I laughed at "she practically pressganged him into having another kid so she didn't have to work". I'm not sure what planet you are living on if you think being a SAHM is easier than going to work.

And it's absolutely none of your business what age gap people have between their children and for you to make sweeping assumptions like those in your OP is incredibly bitchy and unnecessary.

Cappuccino · 31/01/2007 09:36

going to work is much easier

northerner · 31/01/2007 09:37

This thread has so riled me

I have a 4.8 year old ds, so if I have another there will be a big age gap.

I m/c last year, not that it is any of your business. People have big age gaps or small ones for many reasons.

I agree, noseyoldbag you are a nob.

kittylette · 31/01/2007 09:38

why do you care?

why is it any of your buisness when people choose to have babies?

and how the hell is it selfish??

weirdo