What do we REALLY think about mums with huge age gaps between their children?

[noseyoldbag]

Right, I'll be quite upfront - I'm a regular on here but have changed my name cos i know this topic will raise some hackles! I'm interested to hear what you all REALLY think about mums who, once DC 1 and 2 have started school,think 'oooh, what shall i do with my life now...i know i'll pop out another one!' I know several mums where this has been the case -they've admitted as much. IMO it's selfish and indulgent, both financially (in one case i know the husband had spent years slogging away on overtime so mum could be a SAHM and then she practically pressganged him into having another kid so she didn't have to work) and also emotionally selfish cos in many ways it's easier to focus on another baby than the changing needs of older children.
I know the usual arguments - in a sense any child is an 'indulgence'- we all have babies cos we want them etc and I've nothing against larger families. I'm just interested in this particular scenario, cos it seems to be quite a trend round my way for SAHMs in particular to pop out DC3 and maybe 4 once the older ones are at school.

Fimbo, I used to get asked it all the time! Mostly about my youngest sister as between us there is 12 years! People assume we're from different fathers, though we look like peas in a pod!!!!!!

I say it's an individual choice, and I'm really glad my Mum had large gaps because it meant we all got very special individual attention from my Mum.

i have a 12 year age gap between ds and dd who is 5 months old and am fed up with people assuming its a 2nd relationship or that she was unplanned or unwanted. also, after having the 'freedom' of a 12 year old with growing independence, i didnt feel i'd be 'popping another one out' cos it'd be easy to be a SAHM again. i was VERY happy in my work and have in fact missed it a lot, just not as much as i enjoy being at home with dd. ds has had a period of readjustment but we are a close unit and have welcomed dd to join us. she already loves her big brother to bits and we wait at the window every day for him to get home from school. cue big smiles when she sees him.

Tibsy,

They'll have a wonderful relationship. I absolutely adored my baby sister, and she used to go absolutely everywhere with me! Especially when I learned to drive!! I still take her places and she crashes at mine a lot so she can go out and see her friends in the town where I live.

She used to call me 'Nuvva-Mummy' (Other mummy!) when she was a toddler. She's the best, and we're really close. Your children are lucky!

What a horrible original post

My youngest brother is 18 years younger than me. We have the same father and Mother. My mum had me very young and then had a my sister 3 years later. She had my brother because she could.

I have a six year age gap between my two. The gap, not that it is any of your business really, is due to circumstances. We moved country when dd was 3 and I worked until my husband had found a good job. I love being a sahm again and wouldn't swap it for the world. My dd hasn't suffered and and still has the same focus on her that she has always had. To suggest otherwise is purely confrontational.

I think there is more to your post than meets the eye.

I had a 4.4 year gap - because I'd had an accident when pregnant before I didn't think my spine would survive if I had a toddler and baby at the same time. Then I found it wasn't that easy to conceive. It wasn't because I wanted to be a SAHM (I worked part time anyway) - in fact I presumed that people would generally presume it was because of the difficulty conceiving. Is it compulsory to pop every two years and are you a failure if you don't?

I think, lucky them.

Then I think, hope everything will be all right with the pregnancy.

Then I think, wonder what they had to go through to get pregnant.

Fio, congratulations.

Edam, I always wanted to say that too. Why don't you? I know it's not really their business. But they might think before saying the same to someone else .

cheers funkimummy! i must admit it does piss me off a bit when people (family included) insinuate that we'll have done ds some damage by having such a gap. i'm not quite ready to throw him out of the nest yet with an 'off you go, i've got a new baby to play with so you're on your own'
oooohhh, didn't realise i was feeling QUITE so worked up about it!!!

Tibsy,

Don't let it bother you!! People just get nosey! I've always been of the view that the bigger the age gap, the more individual attention the children receive from their parents. My sisters both feel the same!

My DH is one of three and they are all very close indeed. He is of opinion that having children too close means each child doesn't get as much individual attention. I wouldn't know, each to their own I suppose!

i think... its none of my bloody business.

Surely it's no ones business but the couples and their children!
Age gaps
here
9 years
4.5 yrs...

my gap is big after no3 becaus my ex didnt want more..I remarried and Dh and I have had 2 together and waiting for no 3..due end of June.
Its no ones business why I have a huge gap.
Hated people asking me if no4 was a mistake!!!

Iv'e never given it a moment's thought apart from oh how nice another baby

Not being a noseyoldbag I find that my head is filled with more fulfilling thoughts that don't revolve around judging people's life choices or lack of choice! But then I'm one of those selfish and indulgent women who has a MASSIVE 4 year gap between mine. Call the Police!

I would think that maybe they wanted another baby when they felt it right to have one! I don't even think about it.

Who says that all mums stay at home anyway, regardless of how many (and when)kids they have?

Ds has just turned two and I have to admit, all I get now from people is 'so are you having anymore then?'
Why is 2 years the 'right' age gap?
I do feel like saying well 'I had my womb removed whilst having an emergency c section with my first, so probably won't be an option, will it?' But I just say 'well you know, maybe one day'

my dd is 9 and my ds is 4.5 mths. I don't give a shit what people think. I tried for 6 years to conceive a 2nd child and eventually it happened quite unexpectedly as I thought we would never have a sibling for our daughter. I know of 6 mum's who have had a child whilst their youngest was in Year 3 of Junior school!

Children are a blessing and who cares about an age gap there is no ideal and If you have children at a certain age with a certain age gap go to the right place on holiday and drive the right car does not make you the best parent it just makes you think you are

Oh yes, the assumption that my four have different fathers gets to me as well. Dd1 was in hospital one time and the dr was taking a history. When he'd noted her three siblings he turned round and asked if they all had the same father. Bl%dy cheek!

Maybe the father wanted a large age gap ...

ooooh! this thead is certainly making some heckles rise!!!

Because it had no relevance to my daughter's acute stomach pains!

I don't really think about them.

Blimey. Would never occur to me to think anything much: what I think of people has nothing to do with how many kids, their ages, the gaps between them or anything like that

And anyway, as it took us years and years to have any kids at all, I should know better than to judge/assume a thing.

There is a 32 year age gap between my friend and her brother. Personally I would not want an age gap quite that large between my children but what other people do is their own business.

There are many reasons why people may have "large" (although not sure that 4-5 years consistutes large) age gaps between their children.

Maybe for some it is done so they don't have to go out to work, but imo being a SAHM is a hard and tiring job in itself! Especially going back to sleepless nights and nappies up to your armpits after a long break I expect!

I want to have my children close together for my own reasons but if otheres don't thats up to them.