Would you take a 2 1/2 year old to visit a terminally ill, adored grandparent in hospital to say goodbye?

[oversted]

FIL is currently in hospital - heart problems & a long-term battle with cancer. We live 200+ miles away.

There's been a scare in the last 2 days. Immediate crisis is over, but dh & I have been discussing what to do given that FIL's long term prognosis is pretty poor - sooner rather than later we are likely to have to decide: does dh go alone to be with him for his last few days or do we go as a family?

FIL & ds have a fantastic relationship. I would hate to deny FIL the chance to say goodbye to his gc (dd is only 9 months so obviously has no idea gf is ill). On the other hand, ds is going through a phase of being incredibly distressed if anyone around him is hurt/ill/upset in any way.

I'm envisaging a nightmare scenario whereby we go to see FIL, & his being obviously very ill & not his usual larky self hugely upsets ds, which will in turn distress FIL...

I have upsetting memories of my own grandfather dying, but I was 10ish. I honestly don't know what's best for ds, who will probably be 3 at most by the time the decision needs making.

Any advice?

I think it depends how scary your FIL's state is when the moment comes. If he looks relatively normal and can sustain a cheerful conversation then I would take your DS but try not to make it a big sad "goodbye", just a lovely visit which he will be able to remember with happiness afterwards.

If on the other hand your FIL's state is at all distressing, or if your FIL is likely to become emotional and frighten your DS then I would not. Deathbeds can be terrifying and bleak experiences, and I would not wish that on a child.

Yes I would, particularly since your FIL is so close to your ds.