21 dirty secrets of every sleep-deprived parent

[daisy2212]

Every.single.one of these is true.

metro.co.uk/2015/06/10/21-dirty-secrets-of-a-sleep-deprived-parent-5238776/

Stamping on a biscuit so it goes up the hoover ... the dishwasher...the washing 6 times...

Full disclosure: My ds is now 5 and I'm still doing most of them

That's revolting. Never done any of these. Sorry!

I was about to say to PP it's not revolting but actually quite a few of them are!

I've done the biscuit one though and I never answer the phone!

I've definitely binned a few vests if there's been an explosion whilst out and about

She wipes her arse on bread?

The biscuit one and the multiple washes one - yes. The others are taking it a bit too far to the other side of grim!!

Wiping arse on bread?! But surely then you'd run out of bread and have to think up a more exciting breakfast than peanut butter on toast? Or a better lunch than cheese and beans on toast!?

It's never got to wiping my arse on bread but I've done half of these. DP and I have often sat watching the end of In the Night Garden until one of us says "he's gone to bed. We can watch grown up tv" (and we now call normal tv "grown up tv"). The washing currently in the washing machine has been there since last night. I now wouldn't dream of doing anything except throw out a very bad nappy leak vest (we buy cheap vests!). Life's too short to rinse shit out of a 30p vest.

She sounds depressed, sitting in the dark watching a blank TV screen in filthy squalor, while not answering the phone.

I know it is supposed to be a bit of a joke, but seriously, if your life is like this go to the gp pronto.

I did a lot of these

In my defence I was a single parent from pregnancy, ds woke every 90mins until he was 2 which I dealt with totally alone, and on reflection I had quite bad PND.

The vest one I think is totally justifiable though, those bad boys are so cheap why put yourself through the task of scraping shit off them?!

I've done a few of them. I've always washed the sofa cushion covers after weeing accidents as it smells like a gent's lavvy after about 2 days (baed on experience of them peeing in leather shoes... why did I buy leather shoes...) but yesterday DD2 stuffed her ice lolly down the side of the sofa and when I discovered it it was just a wet patch and a stick. I can't be bothered dealing with that.

And I never replace lightbulbs if there is still one working lightbulb in the room. Even a large TV will do. We moved into this house 6 months ago and it's abroad, they let you fit your own light fittings here, therefore we have wires hanging out of each and every ceiling.

Yeah, actually, wiping arse on bread is actually way too far.

@NickyEds 'Life's too short to rinse shit out of a 30p vest.' hahah

Confession: the author asked for contributions to lazy sleep deprived moments a few weeks back. One of those published is mine.

I've eaten a few half sucked smarties before now after picking off the fluff.

Because it's just too far To the bin.

Also, you don't waste good chocolate.

(I worked nights no childcare in the day and dse didn't sleep a full night through til he was 4& at school)
Dark dark days

I will freely admit to doing a few of these e.g having to put the washing machine on again after it sitting wet for 3 days and binning a white vest that's been the victim of a nappy explosion.
But some of them make no logical sense. Putting foil over a plate so you can use it again? The amount of effort that goes into getting foil and covering the plate then removing it and putting the plate back vs giving the plate a quick wipe with hot water and a sponge which takes 2 seconds. Reorganising the dishwasher for half an hour to fit in one cup when you could just leave the cup on the side til the next dishwasher load?
And wiping your arse with bread: just when you think you've heard it all

Okay, wiping your arse on bread is bit too far, but I've absolutely used wipes before and I think I've done most of the others too.

It's not as if it's a regular, daily thing, but sometimes when you're knackered and have had a full on day of toddler-dom after a night of hourly wake-ups, reaching for the remote control is just too much like hard work.

They all just seem ridiculous to me, I thought they were all completely far fetched!

11, 13, 15 & 21 are the only ones I relate to. I'd love to wash my bra more frequently but I have terrible trouble finding bras that fit & only have one comfortable one. My DS1 once asked, when he saw me getting the hoover out, "Oh, are Grandma & Grandpa coming?" I pointed out that I do occasionally clean even when we didn't have visitors due... while carefully avoiding telling him that it was Granny & Granddad who were due for a "surprise" visit...

have sort of done several of those. except the toilet roll thing, we always have toilet roll!

Just disgusting.

bread??

Oh God I've done some of these. My DD didn't sleep through the night until she was 4 and I felt like my brain was mush. I couldn't give a hoot about how disgusting some of these things are to others. Sleep deprivation is horrendous and my days consisted of trying to find the energy to be a good enough parent to DD not worry about the state of the house.

I'd like to not answer the phone but DD1 will grab it and pass it over to me, gah!

I only clean really, really thoroughly when people are coming to visit. the rest of the time I just give it all a bit of a wipe down and DH does the serious stuff. I am a bad wife.

I'd never put tin foil on a plate, yuck, yuck. Teeth on edge cringy stuff, that is revolting.

The phone thing, yes. And I have binned some vests.

The others not so much. I'd be quicker to pick up biscuits then take the Hoover out tbh!

I've done a few, binned baby clothes etc