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Parenting

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Original poster

Sorry to bring up something morbid, but do you have a 'plan' for your kids in case something happens to BOTH of you?

48 replies

Moppi · 18/09/2006 13:54

Somebody brought this up in conversation recently and its got me thinking......

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

iota · 18/09/2006 13:55

yes we have a will and have appointed guardians

misdee · 18/09/2006 13:56

i was trying to riase this with dh earlier today, and he wont discuss it.

bury.....head.....sand me thinks.

crazydazy · 18/09/2006 13:56

Nope, it is just assumed that his parents will look after them as they would want to but I don't think my Mum would.

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hana · 18/09/2006 13:57

don't you have a will?

this is outlined in our willw what would happen to our girls if we should both die - ( they go to my sister) and also our wishes with regards to education, visits to see relatives in the UK ( sister is in Canada) money left to them/sister etc etc for these purposes

def sort out a will if you don't have one!

Quootiepie · 18/09/2006 13:57

Yes and no - thought about it etc., but nothing in writing eg. will yet. Its something we're always meant to get around to doing!

Yorkiegirl · 18/09/2006 13:57

Message withdrawn

moondog · 18/09/2006 13:59

We've just been to sort out a will today and very thing came up.

cardy · 18/09/2006 14:01

I have thought about this and have very specific preference what I wish to happen, although I haven't out anything in writing. Solicitor friend keeps telling me to.

littlerach · 18/09/2006 14:05

Yes, in our wills it states that they will both go to my sister.

cremolafoam · 18/09/2006 14:07

yes have a will and so does dh-
also try to keep it up to date as things can change.when i wrote mine my sister had no children but now has 3- would she want to have another 3 to look after if something happened to dh and me?
Also be careful with exectutors- when my brother and his wife both died( we now have his dd) he left the will with and executor who was totally inept and did nothing and left the country- took 5 years to sort things out( which was insufferable)

moondog · 18/09/2006 14:07

Do itCardy.
Took us an hour tops.

TheBlonde · 18/09/2006 14:15

Yes I have a plan - laid out in separate doc that's kept with my will

Mellowma · 18/09/2006 15:08

Message withdrawn

Mateychops · 18/09/2006 15:43

It's in my will, but also spoke to sister as soon as I had my first. She's taking both of them if anything happens to us, and will take a very important role in case anything happens to me.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 18/09/2006 15:49

I have no will, nor does dh. Please tell me more someone?

Can you appoint guardians? I don't know who I would choose!?

Mum2Ela · 18/09/2006 15:53

Yup. We have stated in our wills who we would like to look after the children for us. Obv had to ask those we appointed (my mum and dad actually) and also put something about rights for Dh's parents to see the children (but can't remember what we said exactly now).

Its not nice to think about but in practical terms, we make the decision to sometimes go away without the children (which for the mostpart are the only times one of us isn't with them) and so we need to think about responsibility if something did happen to us, otherwise it would just be a mess and iirc children can sometimes (albeit temporarily) end up in care.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 18/09/2006 15:54

How do you do a will? How much does it cost? Someone please tell me more??

tamum · 18/09/2006 15:56

Yes, you can appoint guardians. We took the step of going for close family friends with children of similar ages, rather than family, so that the children would be able to continue with their current schools, and have as similar an upbringing as possible. I trust them implicitly, of course, or I wouldn't have taken that risk.

NappiesGalore · 18/09/2006 15:57

dp has a will sorted so that the kids and i are ok if he goes, but i havnt sorted one...dont know who i'd appoint tho...

Legacy · 18/09/2006 16:07

No, and we've been meaning to sort this out for ages

Thing is, we just can't think of anyone who would be guardians, which is rather sad really..

Our parents all too elderly.

DH's sisters unmarried, no kids and resolutely single/ independent

Other one already has one child (and was our original thought) but is now getting divorced from her husband (alcohol problems). I wouldn't want to burden her with 2 more kids as a single parent.

My brother is gay, no kids, no experience.

Closest friends (another choice) now have adopted two more children (so now have 4 !) and we just can't really think who else. A few years ago we had some friends in mind, but then they moved away, and we've hardly seen them since...

It's a real dilemma

FioFio · 18/09/2006 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juicychops · 18/09/2006 16:29

my ex's name is on my ds's birth certificate but he doesn't have contact with him. Would ds have to go to him if i died, or can i choose someone else?

hulababy · 18/09/2006 16:35

You both need wills, and you can elect guardianship - as well as leave directions as to your other wishes. However, please remember that guardianship wishes are NOT legally binding, although courts do see tham as very deciding factors if custody needs to be contested at all.

If not married it is even more important to have a will, or if you have more complicated family situations.

hulababy · 18/09/2006 16:36

juicychops - you can elect someone else, if he doesn't have PR, I assume. As I said before, it can be contested though - in that case it would go to court for them to decide what is in the best interests of the child.

robin3 · 18/09/2006 16:40

Same problem as Legacy...we have wills and have sorted out the finances but there is no satisfactory conclusion about Guardianship. Some of our friends have offered but they don't live close to my parents and I also feel it's an enormous responsibility to give a currently childless couple and a lot of extra work to give a couple who already have their own kids.

Also keep meaning to write my kids a letter that they could read if I/we died. In fact we planned to write one every year so that they would have more detail about their past if anything happened to us, but every time I go to try and do it I end up in floods of tears and have to stop.

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