Sorry to bring up something morbid, but do you have a 'plan' for your kids in case something happens to BOTH of you?

[Moppi]

Somebody brought this up in conversation recently and its got me thinking......

I really don't know who I would ask.

I MUST get a will sorted out though.

Yes, we've made a will and appointed guardians. I think it's really important to make the arrangments - that way when the kids need all the support they can get, it's there, ready for them. No confusion over where they will live, who will look after them and how they will cope financially.

I have 3 and although i have a good large family around me, im a little worried in case my mum or sister may find 3 alot to take on aswell as her own and split them up, im sure its not something they would do if they could avoid it, but to take on 2 children if the worst should happen is reasonably ok, but what if you have lots of kids, how does that work, i think if my sister had more children and asked me to take them should anything happen it would leave me with a hell of alot of kids!!!

"Also keep meaning to write my kids a letter that they could read if I/we died. In fact we planned to write one every year so that they would have more detail about their past if anything happened to us, but every time I go to try and do it I end up in floods of tears and have to stop."

Oh hell, that would make me blub! An alternative idea from the adoption world is to put together a 'life book' with your children. It works from about age 4 and up. They could help you choose photographs and dictate what they want to say and you can add in your own words. Each year they could add more pages. It doesn't have to be some fancy scap-booking thing (apologies to the Arts and Crafts folks), it could even be digital. It might be really interesting to see what they view as important and hear their interpretation of events. That way, in the far more likely event that they grow up to be middle-aged and you're still kicking around, you and they have got a great memento of their childhood.

We have asked DHs sister and she has agreed, but we haven't actually written a will yet !

Yes we do, i've never forgotten as a teenage when the near neighbours went out for an evening, and were both killed in a car crash leaving their 3 lo's behind
so we both have wills, however who to have the 4 of them is a different matter, and will be left for discussion between my mother, and one of sisters, who has offered if it ever happens to move up here with her own children. Otherwise there is enough money (or there will be - well insured ) for them all to go weekly boarding, and then my mother could probably cope at weekends.

This is my biggest fear, we actually rarely travel in the same car because of it, there is literally nobody who would/could take our three in the UK which is so, so sad.

we havent made a will yet mainly because of the guardian issue our only family is mil who is a fit 70 year old, but apart from that no one, we do have a few freinds but they dont know a thing about the kids and there are 3 as well that is the only thing stopping us from doing it we should really beacuse if anything did happen the property and life insurance would really be hit on tax i might see if i can get some of it put into trust with the kids names on it has anyone else done that?

we have a will and appointed our parents and my sister if they are too elderly by then. I discussed it all with my mom, my wishes etc. It was hard because I could not find anyone I wanted except us of course.

Just tonight me and sis have agreed she gets mine and I get hers if the worst happens. I told her we need to get it all written down though, just saying it is not enough.

a soliciotr told me once that if you both died together without a will the next of kin of the youngest out of the two would be the one who would be left to sort everything out even guardianship etc, i am the youngest by ten years and only have my mum left on my side, who is an alcoholic and completely incompetent at looking after kids so i really need to get it sorted out

We do - all laid out in our will, and we spoke to everyone concerned, too. We've also done a letter of wishes with the general intentions we have for the kids' education and upbringing - not that we want to dictate what the guardians should do, but just to let them know what we think we would want. (boils down to couldn't care less about academic achievement - in fact the fewer exams and tests the better - as long as they are happy and confident!)
It's so important to do this, you just never know what might happen.

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In the actual will itself we specified DH's sister to take charge of all finances (she has a power of attorney for each of us in case we go totally bonkers but are still alive)
and
we specified my sister to be guardian for both dcs.
And importantly, alongside the will, we wrote a 'letter of wishes' where you can put all the details about what you would prefer for their upbringing, schooling and so on; and we said that we were confident that both our families would work together to care for DS and DD, and would decide together where it would be best for them to live, although my sister would have the final say. So if it ever came to it, it would not necessarily be that they live with my sister, even though we nominated her as guardian.

it may not be the best idea to nominate your own parents or inlaws as guardians because the chances are they will pre-decease you...

Another "nothing in writing" person here. My mum would have them though, with a large helping from Psychomum.

We've talked about it but can't agree, I want my mum and stepdad to be their main guardians but dh wants his parents as they are both blood relatives. I understand this but my pil both smoke like chimneys and I don't really want my kids living with smokers. I think some kind of shared custody would be best as I want to ensure there are no access problems. We need to get wills sorted out too, how much does it cost for a bog standard no complications version?

i really want to write letters too, but it just seems too sad.

My sister and DHs brother are to decide what happens with the DCs if we both die. I don't necessarily expect either of them to have them themselves, but to sort something out based on everyones situations at the time. Our only stipulations are that they aren't split up and that MIL doesn't have them Unfortunately this is still only verbal as DH can do a will free through work, but keeps forgetting to arrange it!

OK, I'm yelling. I'M GOING TO COUNT TO THREE, AND IF YOU HAVEN'T CONTACTED A SOLICITOR BY THE TIME I GET TO THREE, YOU'RE GOING IN THE NAUGHTY CORNER. WE DO NOT LEAVE OUR AFFAIRS IN A MESS. NO WE DON'T. IT'S NOT FUNNY. YOU'RE STAYING THERE UNTIL YOU'VE REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT WHO WOULD BE GUARDIAN.

All right, now you can play trains.

Look, dh and i are crap. I have never, ever, cleaned an oven in my life. I attempted to get a job advert in the paper at work last week and somehow failed to do so, so that my bosses will have to pay extra for agency staff for another week. DS only gets his toenails cut once every 4 months or so. But we both have wills and have sorted out guardians. If we couldn't think who to pick, I would maybe have found out what the default option is (care? grandparents? dunno). I think it cost £100 or something like that, it is a lot of money (we'd struggle to find it now) but ring around and get some quotes, maybe do a few bar shifts or something for the cash.

OK I'll shut up now.

we did ours through the bank - it was part of the monthly package -and it cost nothing extra, just the normal bank charge that included car breakdown and holiday insurance.theres a free legal helpline too for about 10 pounds a month. not sure if all banks do it tho.

Yup - best money ever spent. Mine and dh sisters to sort out kids care - they both have 2 so we thought if more fair to leave it up to whoever is 'freer' at the time (probably mine) and they are also the executors so they can sort out the money too, as a family for the benefit of the whole family. It's a horrid thought but necessary.