Can't do this every day

[CleanAllTheThings]

My dd is 4.5 weeks old and this is our first week on our own since dp went back to work. The first day was great but she has since stopped sleeping. She is awake all day and really fussy. Nothing I do is right, she will settle for a few minutes before crying again. I've tried everything, she hates the sling, pram, car seat play mat, being held, being rocked, being fed,being put down. Tried white noise and fresh air. She is crying again within minutes. She doesn't seem in pain but is quite a gassy baby and has started spitting up a bit after I feed her this week. Not sure if this is relevant.

She's also had thrush for over two weeks now and I have to wake her after feeds for her medicine which doesn't help. It doesn't even seem to be working.

Today I took her out in the pram, she slept lightly for about half an hour but woke whenever I stopped moving and then cried all the way home. She's been awake since half six but doesn't sleep long at night now. She just started to drop off during a feed but the fucking cat woke her up with his screaming. I keep crying and am losing patience. I've been trying to phone my mum to come over to give me a break but she isn't answering. I thought newborns needed sleep. I don't know what to do. 4 hours until dp gets home.

Ok, first of all have you taken her to the GP re the gassiness & spitting up? It could be reflux & there are medications for it. The thrush thing sound a bit more serious - I assume it's oral? Are you bfeeding her? If so, it's a latch issue & you need to get some professional help with that. Are you on thrush medication too? If not, you will just pass the thrush back and forth, hence why it's not clearing up.

Does she scream all the time or are there any moments during the day that she's calm? What about putting the TV on? Bouncing with her on a gym ball whilst listening to Classic FM? Yes I have tried all these things! I always found with mine that I had to be standing up whilst holding her as she cried as soon as I say down.

4 hrs to go - you CAN do this

Tried putting the radio on? She might like the music, also DD liked looking at the lights on the TV at this age - anything to stop them crying. I'm going to utter the usual words - could be a growth spurt - about the right point for one. failing that, I'd put her in the sling and get out again - it'll help you feel better even if you are just pacing with her. Can you leave your mum a voicemail to get to you as soon as she can?

The thrush needs to be sorted out and should be getting better now but isn't. I'd go back to your doctor and see on what medications to use. If you are bf you need thrush medication as well. Thrush can be cleared and it will be such relief when this has passed

Just managed to get my mum and she is coming over now.
I'm going to ring the doctors. The thrush is really getting me down. I have cream for my nipples but the nystatin for dad's mouth seems useless because the just swallows it and it's meant to stay in the mouth as long as possible.

I'm still feeding her and have the white noise app on , she is calm but not asleep yet.

She doesn't cry all day long but isn't settled for long, she just seems so tired. She'll spend 5 minutes cooing on her playmat and then get upset. Same with everything else at the moment! It's just overwhelming.

Good that your mum will be there. I had a dactarin (spelling ) cream when my kids had oral thrush and I put the same on my breasts as well. I'm not uk so don't know if this is what you have. I had to do this for 10 days and all was clear straight away. The white spots on the gums & cheeks went fast & then all ok. Hope all will be fine for you & little one soon

Glad your mum is coming over. I remember 4-6 weeks was an ok point to introduce a bf compatible bottle? I'm sure the dr could give you better advice on that - might also help you get some sleep if she would take a feed like that.

Thanks brick.
I've got daktarin cream for nipples. Don't see how the nystatin for dd can work as it's full of sugar which I would expect to make thrush worse!

Still thinking about the latch. Feeding is comfortable but sometimes my nipple comes out looking a little pinched. Maybe we have got lazy with it! 3 bf practitioners have seen us feed and said it seems fine.

i saw 2 before magic number 3 told me to really smush her right in as she was mostly using the peak of the nipple. I almost couldn't feel her feeding when i got the latch right. BF eh, not a walk in the park either!

Didn't see other posts, sorry!

Bless you Mrs Wolowitz, wish I was near Cornwall!

Choos, I have tried expressing to give her a bottle but get very little unfortunately.

Flick, just looking up reflux. She does get hiccups a lot and has started fussing at the breast during feeds which has never been an issue before.

ahhh - that sounds like you are really tired - tell your mum that too - if you have a nice sleep, you will probably get more, mine was always best after a reasonable sleep. Would only get 2-3 ounces per side though, that was enough for dd all the way through oddly.

You must be shattered poor love, no words of wisdom except to say it does get better, you are not alone and hope you and your baby are better soon.

Agree re the thrush. Horrid for both of you.

Reflux - Infant Gaviscon worked brilliantly.

Sleeping - mine were oddly fond of being sat next to the dishwasher or washing machine when it was on. Guess it's gurgly and womb like.

VERY glad your Mum's coming. At other times (and I might be shot for saying this, but) if she's been crying relentlessly and you're on the brink, leave her safe and cat-free in her Moses basket, shut the door, go into the bathroom and turn on the shower for 5 mins to drown out her crying. She won't die. And you'll pull yourself back from the edge.

Lots and lots of hugs xxx

Oh you poor thing.

I too had a "fussy" baby a couple of years back and it is backbreakingly hard work.

Things to remember: fussy crying does NOT necessarily mean baby is hungry/thirsty/tired/hot/cold. Sometimes, they're just crying and there is nothing needed to "cure" it. I know that all you want is for it to stop, but as a wise MNer told me "all babies cry and some babies cry a lot".

You WILL get into a rhythm. You're still v post natal at the moment, so just take it one hour at a time. Babies are on a massive developmental spurt from day 1, and change their sleeping and feeding habits and needs all the time.

Perhaps she is tired, but all you can do is make sure she's put down regularly for naps (about every 2 hours at the moment) and walk her in pram. She will fall asleep as she needs to.

Hold on in there. I had a shocker at week 5 (just like you) but by week 8 I felt "out the other side".

Stick the TV on, baby may like some sound and colour

Have you got a bouncy chair?

Yes, sitting baby in front of washing machine used to zonk her.

PS EVERONE feels pretty knocked out by the first few weeks of their first baby. Don't panic.

Dont have a bouncer yet, have one due for delivery though!

My mum is here and dd has finally fallen asleep and I've managed to put her down. Rang gp and they are going to give me a call back today. Now going to get a bit of rest.

OP I could have written your post too. I wish I had Mumsnet back then to tell me it was all normal! I never wanted DD1 to cry, I thought if she was crying then I was being a bad mother, and it was awful.

You WILL get through this, although it seems impossible at the moment.

Some great advice on here, for health issues but also bouncy chair, washing machine, radio, TV. What works one day may not work the next though!

for you.

Bouncy chair in front of dishwasher worked every time for DD - it's warm and emits white noise with accompanying whooshy noises (or that's how I rationalised it - TBH I didn't really care why it worked, I was just grateful that it did )

Hope you get some sleep while your mum is there, OP.

we used nystatin for a couple of weeks it was awful my little one screamed the place down. we finished the bottle and the thrush was no better. went back to gps and they gave us dacktarin and it cleared up in about three days!

things that calm our lo which may be worth a try is laying him over our lap and rubbing his back. bouncer in front of dishwasher/tumble dryer / washing machine. spotlights or any ceiling light.

hope things get better for you...I could have written your post a couple of weeks ago but now he's loads better...I assumed in the end ot was colic. it does get better x

Nystatin is pretty useless. Daktarin oral gel is much better. Has she been checked for tongue tie?

It will get better I promise.

She slept for all of half an hour before waking and crying. Passed a lot of wind when I lifted her legs up and did a couple of burps. I'm going to try infacol.

GP phoned and they are going to swab her tongue tomorrow to check it is thrush and not all the medicine furring up her tongue. He said daktarin gel isn't licensed for babies under 4mnths any more which is really annoying.

oh poor you, I have been there. No experience with thrush but as to the rest:

First, I suspect her main problem is actually "just" overtiredness. Which is a complete bugger as it's a vicious cycle - the more overtired, the harder it is to get them to sleep and to stay asleep.

My solution when dd was chronically overtired was to take loooong walks in the pram without stopping at all (eg rock the pram when waiting to cross the road). she dropped off eventually, it sometimes took up to 40 min of walking but she always did eventually. A dark scarf to block out light helped. then I kept walking till she'd had at least an hour's nap. repeat until she'd had at least 4 hours sleep a day. if you do this for a few days you will find she is then not so overtired any more and will be easier to get to sleep (and may actually stay asleep when you stop the pram!). Can you try this, especially at the weekend when DP can do some pram shifts while you sleep?

Second, has anyone checked her for tongue tie? you say bf people have watched you feed, but has anyone actually looked under her tongue? especially for posterior tongue tie which is harder to spot. This could be the cause of your pinched nipples and her bad wind and spitting up. It could be reflux, but get checked for tongue tie first, by someone who is actually a trained breastfeeding counsellor.

Last, it does get easier. I promise.

ps newborns do need sleep - masses of sleep - but unfortunately after about 3 weeks they often stop being able to just fall asleep when tired, and need help to go to sleep. eg feeding, rocking etc. it's one of life's cruel jokes that the more tired they are the more help they need.

just because she isn't sleeping doesn't mean she doesn't need it, unfortunately.

Do you have a sling/wrap? This was my lifesaver with both my fussy babies!

Moby Wrap sling or Ergo baby carrier are both good, supportive on your back and allow you to have your baby close to you but you are hands free.

Be really kind to yourself, call in favours, buy in nice food, let the house work stuff go.