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Parenting

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Original poster

Just started school, dd exhausted. Is a day off okay?

31 replies

stopthebusiwanttogetoff · 30/09/2013 13:13

DD just started school aged 4, and there are two weeks til half term (Scotland, so started mid August). She is shattered, and it is affecting her behaviour and enjoyment of life! She is just very moany and needy and not her usual self, tears for no reason and mad hysterical hyper happiness, followed by collapsing into sobs. I feel so sorry for her, and this morning she cried going into school for the first time, wanting to stay home.

I am thinking of keeping her off tomorrow as I don't work Tuesdays, just to let her chill out- ie board games, tv and stories, and go to feed the ducks or something. This is my son is only 6 and will be jealous!!! So maybe I should just leave them both to it.

WWYD?!

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DeepPurple · 30/09/2013 13:15

How long does she sleep for at night? Could you let her have a nap for 30 mins when she gets home? I would 'to let her have the day off but that's because I wouldn't want to send the wrong signal to either child! Plus, it has just been your weekend!

BurberryQ · 30/09/2013 13:17

i see the temptation but if she gets the idea now that days off school are OK you are building a massive problem for the future.
also low attendance figures are a major flag for SS

Suzieismyname · 30/09/2013 13:24

How come you didn't defer her til next year?

Are you doing any after school activities?

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mumofthemonsters808 · 30/09/2013 13:27

I remember when my DD first started school she was also exhausted and in bed for 6.30. If she was my child I would not let her have the day off because she needs to adapt to a routine and understand that unless you are poorly there is not the option to not go, but I'm very strict about school attendance. You could try introducing an after school nap.

PigStack · 30/09/2013 13:28

One day off does not a low attendance make!
I would've been very relaxed about dd attending school in the early days (reasons much like your op) and at 10 my dd hates to miss school and so misses very little.
If you think you'll both benefit from a bit of time together then do it - she's only little and I found the time flies once they go to school.

May09Bump · 30/09/2013 13:29

Maybe just do a half day - put her in the morning. Then she is having a bit of a break without losing the school routine.

Also, giving mine a smoothie as soon as he gets out from school seems to help.

Bowlersarm · 30/09/2013 13:31

I think you would be setting a precedent for the future. Every time she feels a bit tired she would expect a day off school.

There are enough days off in school life through illness, accidents, appointments, I don't think I would be adding to that list with 'tiredness'

Original poster

stopthebusiwanttogetoff · 30/09/2013 13:32

She sleeps 7.30pm-7.30/8 a.m, though on Weds-Fri we are half an hour earlier as I work those days. If she napped after school she'd be up til 9 as even a wee ten minutes affectsher night sleep.

I didn't defer her because I think are are disadvantages to being oldest in the year, just as there are disadvantages to being youngest. Ideally she would be mid year, but she isn't. Her peer group were going to P1 (same nursery) and she has friends and social confidence/skills.

She goes to after school club on the days I work and loves it.

Okay, consensus is not to keep her off, poor wee soul. My ds was the same (alos young for yeargroup) but he has asthma and kept getting chest infections, so did have a lot of duvet days in term one of P1!!! My dd is just too healthy!

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Original poster

stopthebusiwanttogetoff · 30/09/2013 13:36

Thanks pigstack - nice to hear i am not the only one with that attitude! May09 i was thinking about asking if they'd let her do half days on my days off, but I think it'd be a no. I might invent an appointment or two for her around 1pm some days! She does need more of her eczema cream actually...

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nethunsreject · 30/09/2013 13:41

She sounds knackered! And it sounds really hard on you all. I would defer, she doesn't sound ready for full time school. Statistically, older kids do far better both socially and academically (ed psych). But you don't want to I guess? And I'm sure that you know her needs better than a bunch of strangers on the internet. Unfortunatley it's all or nothing really, isn't it? Be nice if they could be more flexible till 5 yrs, as in England.

nappyaddict · 30/09/2013 13:42

I thought legally they didn't have to go to school til the term after they turn 5. So if you tell the school she's only doing half days til then, there's not much they can do.

curlew · 30/09/2013 13:45

I used to let mine have the occasional day off at this age if they were tired. No precedent set, no problems with attendance. Do it.

Bramshott · 30/09/2013 13:45

I would. Exhaustion counts as illness in the first term of school I reckon.

5madthings · 30/09/2013 13:47

i would give her the day off.. have done with my boys and it didnt set a precedent. at 14 ds1 hasnt had time off school except for an emergency op and an authorised holiday since he was nine.

my ds4 has just gone into yr one but last yr in receotion he had the odd day off as he was knackered. school were fine with ut, ht and his teacher agreed he wouldnt learn if he was shattered and they would rather he had a day off and recharged a bit and was then refreshed and ready to learn and enjoy being at school.

my elder kids are 14, 11 and nearly 9, the odd day off when little did no harm.

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 30/09/2013 13:48

Start her bath etc a bit early each night (if you can) and sneak her into bed a bit earlier every night, my dd is just the same, just started school and lots of crying, weeping actually!

She can't quite cope with everyday life! But a good early night sorts it out.

domesticslattern · 30/09/2013 13:55

7.30 feels quite late. My reception age child was sparko by seven, 6.30 at weekends when possible.
It really adds up... going to bed an hour earlier is nearly a whole extra nights sleep over the week. And it never affected her wake up time.
Worth a try?

Original poster

stopthebusiwanttogetoff · 30/09/2013 13:58

nethunsreject, yes I did fully research whether to defer, and I know as many people with bored deferred children in upper primary, as i do with teary non-deferred in lower primary. In addition my sister, husband and myself were the youngest in our years and did well academically, with sports, music, friendships etc. My kids are very sociable, confident and laid back; and academically bright, just bloody tired! Sorry if i sound touchy, but I was not asking for opinions on whether she should be in school. She already is.

Thanks madthings, curlew and bramshott, appreciate it. Am undecided on it now! Nappy addict, cool - I'll phone the school then and ask.

Cheers.

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nappyaddict · 30/09/2013 14:35

IMO you just need to say it matter of factly. I would send a letter into school saying that because DD is not 5 until such and such I will be picking her up at lunchtimes on X and Y days from now on because she is exhausted and you feel she won't be able to concentrate and learn anything in that state. Say you feel a couple of afternoons to recharge her batteries will mean she will get more out of the time she is in school.

In Scotland I think compulsory school age is as soon as they turn 5, where as in England and Wales it is the first day of the term after they turn 5. Your local authority should be able to confirm that though.

yomellamoHelly · 30/09/2013 14:41

I would give her a duvet day. She's not going to get anything out of being in school if she's knackered. Plus she's not 5, so doesn't absolutely have to be there anyway. (Get out argument for your ds!)

Poledra · 30/09/2013 14:46

DO you have reason to believe the school will be unhelpful? I'm asking this because we had similar problems with our youngest DD (in England rather than Scotland) and the teacher could not have been more helpful. She suggested occasional half-days (pre-arranged with the school) and kept an eye on DD for over-tiredness. We did get a phone call from the school one day telling us not to worry but DD had fallen asleep in the book corner! The TA said they would have just let her sleep it out but she was a bit hot so could someone maybe come and take her home?

Anyway, might be worth talking to the school to see if there's an acceptable compromise.

nethunsreject · 30/09/2013 15:29

Fair enough, good luck with whatever you choose re: day or two off. Anecdotes aren't research though and we are all subject to confirmation bias too.

ZuleikaD · 30/09/2013 15:48

My DD is also only 4 (5 in May) and I told the school that she would only be doing half days until Christmas. They were fine with it.

sarahtigh · 30/09/2013 20:37

surely she is 4.5 to start in august as cut off date is being 4 before 1st march 2013 in scotland, I am presuming as she is nearly youngest in class she is a jan/feb birthday, my DD is december birthday and we are not deferring so she will be one of younger ones as quite a few jan/feb birthdays do defer

the difference in scotland is that if you defer they stay in that year while in England is your child that was 4 on 31st of England defers they go straight to Y1 not reception

I would suggest asking for 2-3 half days now and 1-2 half days later in year with aim of being on full days by the time she is actually 5

sarahtigh · 30/09/2013 20:38

I meant if they were 4 on 31st august in England if they start this year they go to reception but if you defer they go to Y1 but in Scotland they would still go to P1 not P2 the next year

motherinferior · 30/09/2013 20:43

I once rang school when DD1 was in reception explaining she was totally wiped and I was keeping her off on Friday - my day off with her sister - but if we were seen in the local shop please not to be cross...and school was lovely about it. One day off when run down in reception really doesn't set them up for anything. DD1 is now 12 and has an exemplary attendance record

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