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Parenting

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Original poster

35 year old sister, single and panicking - older mums please........

37 replies

yummimummy · 08/06/2006 09:07

My sister is starting to panic about whether she will ever find a relationship and have kids as she is 35 and has not had a relationship for some years ( she is intelligent and attractive but just doesn't meet anyone new).
I'm looking for inspiring stories to pass on to her about women who meet someone after 35 and settle down and have kids.
I'm an 'older mum' myself - married at 35, baby at 36.

OP posts:

TheLadyVanishes · 08/06/2006 09:13

ok i met my dh at 30yrs old (I know i'm out by 5yrs ), was in a horrid relationship previously and had been single for a few years. I was also holding down 2 jobs so the prospect of meeting anyone didn't look good and I used to spend countless nights at work moaning i'm never going to meet anyone and guess what thats where i met my dh and we have been together nearly 4yrs and have a little girl nearly 1, so yes it does happen but when you least expect it to

lazycow · 08/06/2006 09:30

I met dh at 35 and got pregnant with ds when 39. He was born a month after I turned 40. It can happen, though I did actively look (ie joined dating agencies and web sites etc)

My friend met her husband through a friend at 35 and was married and pregnant 4 months later !!!. she went on to have another child very quickly and had a third pregnancy very soon after that (twins). So between the age of 35 and 41 she married and had 4 kids !! - mind you she was actively looking too and asked all her friends to to introduce her to any available male. She is also the type of person who makes decisions quickly and the whole family had moved to New Zealand recently.

Original poster

yummimummy · 08/06/2006 09:37

Thanks for those stories, I'll be sure to pass them on.
She has tried internet dating in the past but although the guys usually seem to be interested in her she has never found anyone she is interested in. She found it a bit demoralising, so she's given up on it.

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Original poster

yummimummy · 08/06/2006 09:38

BTW Lazycow - very impressed with your friend's story.
Actually my sister's best friend's mum had her first baby at 36 and went on to have 7 girls! (none were twins)

OP posts:

Blu · 08/06/2006 09:40

I have two good friends who have found great relationships (and had babies) as a result of Guardian Soulmates, at an age similiar to your sister.

Original poster

yummimummy · 08/06/2006 10:05

thanks Blu, I'll suggest that to her

OP posts:

tessasmum · 08/06/2006 10:16

I meet my DH at 35, had DD at 40, got married and had DS last year at 43. I wasn't actively looking but we met through a shared interest - we are both jugglers!

acnebride · 08/06/2006 10:18

My sister met her partner at work aged 38 and they had a baby who is now 14 mo old

I met my dh just before turning 35 - does that count? For me, I needed to get proactive as I wasn't meeting anyone. Seven of us who were all single at the same time (all female) raked up every single man we could find, mostly via specialist internet sites (that sounds dodgy - i just mean not the complete free for all dating sites, ones that have an 'angle') but also one brother and an ex-boyfriend were in the mix. We invited them to a bar and then dinner, and at the dinner the women moved one place every half hour or so. Kind of flexible speed dating I suppose - I never liked the sound of the real thing. One of the seven women had met somebody by the time we all got together and had dinner, and there have been two other marriages from that evening. In every case we might have met each other at any time, we just hadn't.

motherinferior · 08/06/2006 10:20

I took up with my partner on 27 December 1999, when I was 36 and a half.

I got a positive pregnancy test on my 37th birthday, and now have two daughters aged five and nearly three - and I was 43 on Monday.

I'd encourage Soulmates too; it's not how I met my own DP but it's becoming an increasingly good way to meet nice people of our own age. A completely blissful couple I know met that way...and got married a couple of weeks ago.

PetitFilou1 · 08/06/2006 14:31

Two women in my NCT group were having their first baby at 38. Mariella Frostrup had one at 42 and one at 43 (or approx that anyway)

bluejelly · 08/06/2006 14:37

Acnebride v impressed with you and your friends' proactivity. That's like organising your own dating agency

Feistybird · 08/06/2006 14:38

I have been in this relationship for eons but only had my DDs at 38 and 40.

Hadalifeonce · 08/06/2006 14:47

I met my husband when I was 40 (he was 39) through a mutual friend. We had ds when I was 42, and dd when I was 45. It was when I stopped 'looking' for a man that I met 'The One'.

CorrieDale · 08/06/2006 19:57

Dh and I met through internet dating. I wasn't really looking for a husband. I was 35 when we met and we got married 10 months later. I was 37 when I first got pregnant. 3 miscarriages later I fell pregnant with DS. He'll be 1 in a fortnight. It can be done, even when it looks as though there is no hope!!!

Original poster

yummimummy · 09/06/2006 09:12

thanks everyone - some very inspiring stories there.
Perhaps I'll encourage her to take up a new sport - juggling .

OP posts:

Surfermum · 09/06/2006 09:16

At the age of 36 I left my partner of 12 years and moved area. Within 5 months I had met dh, 2 years later we married and 3 years after that (aged 41) we had dd.

morningpaper · 09/06/2006 09:21

I have a close friend who is 45 and uses Guardian soulmates

He has been on a lot of dates but says that all the women are looking for Colin Firth

But is seems to be a very busy site, definitely worth a try

twocatsonthebed · 09/06/2006 09:30

I met dp four years ago when I was 36, we're getting married in four weeks time (so soon, must book hairdresser!) and I am 19 weeks pregnant (after a miscarriage last year).

We did meet through computer dating - he'd met quite a few people who weren't right, I got lucky early on!

But what made a difference to me after years in the wilderness was going to counselling for a bit - it really taught me a lot about the barriers I was putting up, and not to be afraid of going for what I wanted.

And she said something very funny to me that I've always remembered - when antique dealers unearth a hidden gem, it's not because they've got a brilliant eye for a bargain, it's also because they see an awful lot of bad furniture too...

TuttiFrutti · 09/06/2006 18:14

I met dh at the age of 35 and a half, got married at 36 and a half, was pregnant within 3 months, had ds aged 37 and am just pregnant for the second time and will be 39 in a few weeks. I spent most of my early thirties moaning about how difficult it was to meet men, and honestly thought I would end up a lonely spinster living with a cat.

Original poster

yummimummy · 09/06/2006 20:48

Thanks everyone.
Congrats Twocats, I hope all goes well.

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alex8 · 09/06/2006 20:51

Met dh at 36 decided to try for baby after 3 months together assuming it would take forever. Got pregnant first time. Got married 2 years later. Sadly baby number 2 is the one who is taking forever.

jabberwocky · 09/06/2006 20:59

met dh at 34 1/2, married at 36, had ds at 38 and lo is due 3 months before I turn 42. It can happen!

tenalady · 09/06/2006 21:01

Blimey Yummy, I was unable to have children technically speaking, got divorced at 37 and thought that was it. Married my childhood sweetheart at 39 and had ds 40. Plenty of time

aviatrix · 09/06/2006 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

yummimummy · 11/06/2006 11:03

I'm the 'sister' and this is my take:

I've tried dating websites, but after a period of about a year (so I gave it my best shot), realised that it wasn't for me as although confident, I don't like the 'staged' aspect of it. Like others, I'd prefer to meet someone through friends, informally. Unfortunately, all my friends have partners, and don't know any guys who are single! So, this is a bit of a dilemma! I would like very much to meet the right person and have a family. I don't have a tick list of any description, so I'm not looking for 'Colin Firth', and take people as I find them. I just don't seem to be finding any single, sane males! Any other suggestions would be very welcome!

OP posts:

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