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Original poster

AM I AN EVIL MUM?

210 replies

cheekymonk · 07/03/2006 15:58

I just wanted to ask what is the worst thing someone has done to their child. Sometimes I think about how I am and hate how I am with my little boy. I tell him to shut up alot, swear loads-usually not at him but under my breath but worst of all out of frustration I purse his cheeks together sometimes (not really hard) or slightly pinch his legs. Yesterday I even kicked him on the bum slightly which has sickened me ever since. I have finally realised that I am having trouble coping and that my behaviour is not acceptable. I am so ashamed. I want to be Mary Poppins but feel like Cruella de Vil. What can I do?

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nannyme · 09/03/2006 11:48

I don't think trying to counter the damaging effects of mamamiamia's post is that unhelpful to cheekymonk, myself. Appreciate your point wigwambam but think it is really important that cheekymonk ignores mamamiamia's comments and sees how detestable others think they are.

People hurt their children very often because they are feeling bad about themselves, not always but very often. To make the OP feel even more ashamed and worthless is MORE LIKELY to lead to more abuse.

It is because of this fact that I am incensed, not because I have nothing better to get angry about.

Fullmoonfiend · 09/03/2006 11:58

hear hear WWB - can we keep the attention on those who need it, not those seeking it. (hear what you're saying Nannyme, but let's keep this thread uncluttered for Cheekymonk)

OLIVEBRANCH · 09/03/2006 12:22

I agree with WWB I've found these exchanges quite upsetting. Everyone has the right to an opinion whether you agree with it or not. These exchanges are not helpful to anyone least of all the person who needs the help.

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happybebe · 09/03/2006 12:28

i think this post was bound to bring out different and passionate feelings after all it does involve the issue of hurting a child. i understand both reactions from mamamiamia and nannyme and their rights to express them, but agreed its not helpful to cheekymonk, whom should be the main concern here xxx

emmawill · 09/03/2006 14:04

I think cheekymonkey should be able see everybody is throughly behind her and supporting her every step of the way and certainly hopes she keeps posting to keep us update with how she's doing and knows that if she needs to discuss anything we are all ready to help. Mammiamia is obviously a very opinonated person and has apoglised and well, she was only person that has that opinion and that speechs volumes. I just just hope mmm never has similiar problems.

madmarchhare · 09/03/2006 14:28

Really pleased you're feeling more positive about things CM. Youve already done the hardest bit.

Original poster
cheekymonk · 09/03/2006 14:44

Hi All, I see the battle has been raging on! I did find mmm's comments upsetting but she has apologised ( I think because you all jumped to my defence-thank you) and I have tried to move on from it.
I do feel very tired but still positive in that I am trying to change things. Took ds to adventure playground this morning and enjoyed it too! Have also decided to keep diary to chart feelings.Hope everyone is ok and having a good day.

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happybebe · 09/03/2006 14:47

good to hear things are going well! just remember you hav your good days and you will still get the bad, but you will learn how to deal with that so much better! if its any consilation my son was awake for an hour last night singing in his cot and cute as it was, he drove me bonkers, turned the monitor down to the lowest level but was scared to turn it off incase he began to cry instead, the cheeky monkey never did, he just went back off to sleep! kids huh! xx

emmawill · 09/03/2006 14:57

Have you started taking ADs yet? just a tip if they make you feel a bit nausea that is perfectly normal they can have that reactions (does depend on the type), keep with them at it does pass I have two experiences of them 1st time felt nausea gave them up on them and struggled on, 2nd time felt nausea for about 2 weeks on and off stuck with and the nausea passed and I felt much better. Smile

Original poster
cheekymonk · 09/03/2006 15:08

Yes have started taking them. Have been warned about nausea etc- but thanks its good to hear it from a a "real" person too!
Feel kind of soft and vulnerable. Have found myself watching baby programmes... I'm just going with it really!

OP posts:
emmawill · 09/03/2006 15:16

Its probably also because you have a huge weight lifted from your shoulders knowing your're not a bad person just not well and needing some help. Your're doing really well. Well done. Smile

fob · 09/03/2006 15:37

cm

by the way - the answer to you original question is no

you are a star

Smile

well done xx

Verytiredmum · 09/03/2006 15:41

Have just found this thread CM and wanted to add my support. Parenting can be the most frustrating and the most rewarding of experiences. So glad that you have found some support and hope that things go so much better for you from now on.

(Wish I'd known about mn when I had my first and experienced very similar feelings to your own. So glad to have found it now. Wish health visitors would recommend it to every new mum!)

Original poster
cheekymonk · 09/03/2006 15:46

I did actually mnetion to my HV and she had not heard of it! MN has been fantastic. I had used it a couple of times before but not really got too far with it. Everyone on the whole has been brilliant. Some things have been tough to hear too but the truth often is.

OP posts:
nannyme · 09/03/2006 23:15

So glad to return here this evening after a long day's work and read of such positivity from you cheekymonk.

At the risk of sounding patronising - well done!

SorenLorensen · 09/03/2006 23:17

Good on you, cheekymonk - you'll get there Smile

Arabica · 10/03/2006 09:40

Smile glad you're feeling positive...let us know how you're getting on whether it's a good day or a bad one.
If you ever want someone to talk to in confidence or to find out about local services try \link{http://www.sane.org.uk/public_html/SANE_Services/SANELINE.shtm\Saneline}

BernieBear · 10/03/2006 11:10

CM - Just wanted to add my support aswell, I too was diagnosed with PND and have been on ads for five months now. Wish I had started them before. My relationship with my ds is so much better. I only wish I had read a thread like this in the early days, it would have really helped. I just couldn't believe that life was always going to feel so awful. Thankfully now I have the support and help - just as you now have. I just wanted to add that unwittingly you have probably helped an enormous amount of other mums in similar positions, 1 in 10 mums suffer from PND!!!!! If you read the post all over again, it has become something so positive which started off so negative - just what other mums need to read. Congratulations......you are a hero x

Pagan · 10/03/2006 14:39

That's a lovely post Berniebear!

Original poster
cheekymonk · 10/03/2006 16:55

Yes thank you Berniebear- it is lovely... I'm at work today and missing my ds terribly so to hear some kind words like that is comforting.

OP posts:
satine · 10/03/2006 19:27

Cheekymonk - just wanted to let you know that something in your original post really struck a chord with me, and started me thinking. To cut a long story short, I went to my GP this morning and burst into tears - he thinks I have pnd, and has taken blood and sent me home with the questionnaire and lots of literature before he decides how to treat it. Already I feel better having admitted to my GP and DH that I'm not coping as well as people think. So I just wanted to thank you, and MN.

welshmum · 10/03/2006 19:57

Cheekymonk - good on you for getting the help and advice you need.
I just wanted to encourage you to try a parent and baby group in your area. I know it's really hard at first to get talking to people and find someone you really have something in common with but the mum mates I've made since having my two have been amazing. Just talking to someone whose children are at the same stage as yours can be an eye-opener, you realise all the challenges you're facing are being faced by others at the same time and you can swap stories and take the heat out of stuff.
MN is great for that too. Start threads on the small things that bother you about their behaviour and the proud mummy moments too. Anything that makes you feel part of a community and not alone in all you're facing.
Good luck with it all x

Original poster
cheekymonk · 11/03/2006 16:19

Really glad that I had a positive impact on you Satine. MN has been brilliant with me.
Thanks welshmum, I do need to try more mother and baby groups. I have just always found them cliquey but will look into it.

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Original poster
cheekymonk · 12/03/2006 10:04

Morning All. Hope everyone is ok. Had the worst morning. Ds still waking at 6am and was hysterical when I was making his brekky, cried everytime I left the room. I found this v stressful and cried and have in this situation before got really annoyed. I didn't however and manage to calm him down. Must be making progress!

OP posts:
beetlejuice73 · 12/03/2006 10:39

Well done CM. It must be good to know that you can get over a problem without losing it. I'm sure that the more you relax the more your son will relax. Really glad to hear things are improving.

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