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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you think its ok for grandparents to discipline your DC if you are around?

45 replies

want2change · 12/11/2011 16:46

As it says really - are you happy if grandparents discipline your DC in front of you / if you are in the same room?
Especially if the grandparents dont have a close relationship with DC?

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flowery · 12/11/2011 16:46

Good lord no!

HermanMumster · 12/11/2011 16:53

Perfectly happy.

tigerlillyd02 · 12/11/2011 16:54

Depends what you mean by discipline. I welcome my mum telling my ds off sometimes - especially if he's playing up for her and not me.

There was a time my ds kept standing on my mums feet. He knew he could walk all over her as it's me that does the discipline thing. Every time we went he'd 'play up' as he thought he could get away with everything with her/ After a few too many times of my mum saying "will you tell him?" I said - "YOU tell him". It worked much more effectively and now he knows not to push the limits with her as she will tell him herself.

Sometimes children need to know that people other than mom will not tolerate bad behaviour either. You're not going to be there in every social situation throughout their lives. I welcome it.

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tigerlillyd02 · 12/11/2011 16:55

Oh adding to that - as long as it's not extreme. I wouldn't allow someone else to give harsh punishments - like smacking for instance or yelling at the top of their voices to them, swearing etc. But a stern telling, to me is fine.

hocuspontas · 12/11/2011 16:59

Love the first two answers! Need we say more?

Sparklingbrook · 12/11/2011 16:59

No-they are my children. If I am there I discipline them. If DS was doing something naughty to my Mum I would be doing the discipline not her.

ladyintheradiator · 12/11/2011 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelbabe · 12/11/2011 17:05

I've not got a problem with it if they fall in line with what I consider necessary.

ie, if it's something I would tell them off for, then fine.
I wouldn't like it if they didn't tell them off for something (say if i hadn't seen it) when it's something that I would tell them off for.

it saves me a bit of effort too

GwendolineMaryLacey · 12/11/2011 17:05

Depends on the relationship. Both sets of gps are very involved with dd so no issue at all with them disciplining her. If they weren't very close then it would probably be different.

workshy · 12/11/2011 17:05

I have no issue -their house, their rules -if they want to enforce them that's fine as long as it's not a stupid rule like no talking while the football is on doon't ask or the punishment is justified -they know my techniques and will use them

nickelbabe · 12/11/2011 17:06

lady - yes, exactly - telling them off when it's ben dealt with is bad.
as is saying "oh, no, that's not fair telling them off for that"
or "oh, they're only children"
"oh, isn't mummy mean?"
etc.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 12/11/2011 17:08

Too many variables for a conclusive answer.

Bellavita · 12/11/2011 17:10

This did happen once.... 8 years ago when DS1 was 6 and DS2 4.

MIL (who was not close to them) smacked DS1 and his cousins who were visiting from another country (all around the same age).

I was but knew if I said anything I would be in the firing line. I discussed it with DH when he got home from work. He called to see his mum and asked her not to smack our children. She chucked him out and told him never to go back or bring the boys ever to see her ever again.

I was in the room when it happened, they were being giddy, not naughty and certainly did not deserve a smack or even a telling off.

Bunbaker · 12/11/2011 17:12

Yes, it's fine by me. It probably wouldn't happen because I would be first.

The thing is, sometimes parents can become "immune" to their children's behaviour and may not realise that what is a cute idiosyncrasy to them is very irritating to other people.

Grumpla · 12/11/2011 17:12

The rule I'm trying to stick to is that only one person is "in charge" at a time!

So no multiple tellings-off, the person interacting with DS at the time would usually be the one to do it etc. I've talked through "the script" with both sets of parents. I would occasionally intervene / take over disciplining if it were for something particularly bad like hitting / biting. But if (say) I were in the room and a grandparent told DS off I would usually either stay out of it or actively reinforce what they were saying if he tries to get round it by throwing himself at me eg "No use coming to mummy, you heard nanny say you needed to say sorry."

It isn't always easy, kids are evil geniuses when it comes to playing one adult off against another!

FellatioNelson · 12/11/2011 17:13

Ok, started to type long and convoluted reply then saw Chipping's answer and realised I mean what she means.

Goddammit why can't I be succinct like that?

meglet · 12/11/2011 17:15

In general yes, whether my house or their house. Even my stepdad will tell my dc's off if they are buggering about.

No smacking though.

EnjoyResponsibly · 12/11/2011 17:15

Yes. My parents and MIL know me well enough to know what I consider out of line, they have also seen the tack I take with discipline.

In I'd extend this to my sister and my BF too.

I do NOT like someone contradicting, nor continuing with a discipline once I or DH have actioned. Likewise if say my mum tells DS off, I won't weigh in.

RitaMorgan · 12/11/2011 17:16

So long as it was reasonable/appropriate discipline (not smacking/screaming/humiliating) and a parent wasn't already dealing with it, then no problem.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/11/2011 17:18

I am a gm and I do discipline my dgs when his df is there. Usually because his df is permatuned into his bloody phone, and doesn't always notice what his ds is up tp. Grr.

But this discipline usually means using his name in a disapproving tone, we're not talking beating here.

MrsChemist · 12/11/2011 17:19

I'm happy to have my parents back up any disciplining I do. It reinforces the point that bad behaviour is unacceptable to everyone, not just mummy and daddy.

My mum and dad never hit me, so they'd never hit their DGCs, so that's a non issue.

Francagoestohollywood · 12/11/2011 17:19

Yes, I am perfectly happy, but they do have a close relationship with the dc.

BrigitBigKnickers · 12/11/2011 17:19

I don't tend to mind if my mum does this but it grates a little when my MiL does it for some reason- I think it is the tone of voice she uses.

Same as I have no problem with my SiL bereating my DDs but very much object if my BiL does (basically because it is usually in unresonable defence of his very precious, spoilt and tantrumatic DD.)

Francagoestohollywood · 12/11/2011 17:21

yes, no smacking here either. I am mostly talking about telling off.

Pinot · 12/11/2011 17:23

I think it's vital for a child to hear from other family members that they must behave. It backs up what they hear from their Mum & Dad and makes boundaries much clearer. It's an obvious one, for me. But then I have 3 sons and I need all the help I can get, so...

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