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Original poster

Does your tween wear a vest/bra/crop top/nothing??

31 replies

muddyangels123 · 19/09/2011 09:00

I need MN to help me on this one.......

DD (9.6) has decided she no longer wants to wear vests. She has not started puberty yet, so no development in the chest area, IYSWIM.

She was looking at the starter bras in M&S at the weekend. I've told her she's too young to wear a bra yet and she would need something there before i would buy one.

She got upset , she says all her friends at school wear them.

She doesn't like crop tops as they ride up under her shirt,so she says!!

I've told her she will be cold in the winter without a vest, but she's standing firm on this one.

Before anyone says i'm the parent, i know i am, but i want an easy life. There's better things to fight over, other than vests.

TIA x

OP posts:

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marialuisa · 19/09/2011 09:15

DD (10) hasn't worn a vest since she was about 6 so surprised your DDhas put up with them for this long! Nothing really there to justify crop tops and definitely not a starter bra. She's got a few different style crop top things and amongst her friends i think she's unusual in not wearing one but as there's no "need" at the moment I have left it up to her.

Lancelottie · 19/09/2011 09:18

DD (9) wears a bra when she remembers, but she's plump with a definite start of a bust, so not quite the same.

Some of her friends have been wearing crop tops since about 6 -- they used to compare them in swimming lessons!

eaglewings · 19/09/2011 09:20

Another one who is amazed your dd is still wearing vests!

Got crop top from matalan 2 weeks ago for my 9 year old dd as she has buds and was concerned about changing in front of her peers for swimming and PE

They seem to be be OK and were not very expensive

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Chopstheduck · 19/09/2011 09:22

mine didn't wear anything at that age, she is 11 and now wearing crop tops. Maybe try some different crop tops if those are riding up. Primark do some nice sets, and BHS.

Fizzylemonade · 19/09/2011 09:56

I worked in a school last year in year 4 and there were a few girls wearing shaped bra tops (I have two boys so have no idea on the terminology) like cropped tops but shaped in a V at the front but with a wide back.

I think it would be fine for your daughter to wear crop tops or the shaped ones but some girls wore very bright coloured ones which IMO made them look cheap as they were clearly visible under a white shirt.

The girls who did have some development going on seemed to be the ones who wore their jumpers all big and baggy to hide it!

QuinionsRainbow · 19/09/2011 17:42

Our DDs are well into bra-wearing status now, so I'm a bit out of touch with contemporary fashions. Ours never wore vests when they were younger, but once they started developing, and felt a need for some cover/support, they had successively crop-tops, then training bras and finally the real thing. The operative word is "had" - these garments weren't, and still aren't, always worn, but that's a habit they probably get from me!

2kidsintow · 19/09/2011 21:03

My DD went from vests to nothing at about 7. Then crop tops at about 9 when she had a very little bit of development up top, now she wears bras at age 10 as she has definite development.

It is a nightmare finding bras to fit her.

Asda bras for teens are either in a twin pack of white (fine) and pink (far too bright to be able to wear under her school shirt) of sensible styles....or they are padded, which is a no go for me. Apparently they are padded for modesty. Just recently they have started selling sensible plain ones in single packs for £5 but I can get two for that price in peacocks.

Tesco did some fab sports bra style ones a few months ago but have stopped selling them.

Fennel · 19/09/2011 21:06

11.5 and 10yo dds don't wear anything, they haven't ever worn vests and both are flat still. I have offered crop tops but they hate the idea.

But I would buy crop tops or bras or padded bras if they wanted, I remember the flat girls at school and the status of having a bra or not. It's not going to deform them wearing a bra when they don't need one.

bibbitybobbityhat · 19/09/2011 21:08

Why is it amazing for a flat chested girl of whatever age to wear a vest in winter?

I often wear a vest (over my bra!) when its cold.

bibbitybobbityhat · 19/09/2011 21:09

You'd buy padded bras Fennel?

StellaAndFries · 19/09/2011 21:11

My dd1 is 9y10m and has started wearing crop tops or starter bras over the summer as she is now starting to get breast buds, I have bought her some really stretchy vests for over the top in winter.

Fennel · 19/09/2011 21:15

I guess so, if the dds wanted them, if they felt embarrassed about being flat. I don't see that as particularly sexualised on a 10-11 year old if their peers are getting breasts anyway.

Hulababy · 19/09/2011 21:18

DD (9y5m) wears a crop vest and has done for past 6 months or so. She started to develop just before than and has little breast forming. She was beginnign to feel quite conscious about it and asked for one.

She wears the shaped cropped vests, but not ones that are two bra like. M&S and Primark seem to have the best ones for DD. They are shaped round the top and have a better bamd of elastic underneath them and sit a bit higher than simple cropped vests.

DD has never worn a vest since being a tiny baby.

I refuse to buy the starter bras yet as I don't think she is ready for that. I won't get her one of them until she is at the stage of being measured for her first bra.

Carrotsandcelery · 19/09/2011 21:18

I bought dd (10) some cropped tops and training bras this summer, after she had been asking for a wee while.

She has no development at all so I wasn't concerned but slowly realised some of her friends did and she felt left out.

I was delighted to find that after buying them, she wore them for a couple of days and then got fed up. They are there if she wants them but you may well find that once she gets them she realises they are instruments of torture not all that special after all and get over it. (ie don't buy too many and buy cheap for now)

marialuisa · 19/09/2011 21:21

I'm surprised by vests because amongst my dd's peer group they are seen as ugly and uncomfortable. DD is either in school where it just doesn't get cold or outside with the horses where a cotton vest is frankly useless.

schroeder · 19/09/2011 22:03

dd (9) mostly wears nothing, but has vests for when the weather gets colder. I don't force her to wear them, but if there's snow on the ground I do suggest it would be a good idea.

As does ds (12) although his are more like t shirts iykwim.

I nearly always have a vest on-nothing worse than being cold. (well not nothing )

If she wanted to wear a crop top, I suppose I would get her some. Not sure they keep you very warm though.

No way would I get her a bra at this age, ok when she's at secondary school if she's the only one without one. (like I was)

trickydickie · 19/09/2011 23:16

Dd (9 yr 3 months) wore vests on and off, mostly off unless I suggested she wore one for the cold.

She now wears crop tops (though I have to remind her) as her breasts are clearly developing and have been for a year now.

She was not happy about getting crop tops, still wanted to wear nothing. She had a wee tear the first few times I mentioned them, as she thought it was like a bra.

After a few conversations about them I bought cheap ones from matalan. She quite liked them and is now fine wearing them (if I remind her).

A few months ago we were in Marks and Spencers and she refused to buy any crop tops that she thought were too braish looking. She said noone else in her class wears them and she doesn't want to.

I feel she should wear them as she is forever doing cartwheels, handstands, the crab etc. Where her tops ride up and she is sometimes semi exposed.

I also reminder her on PE days.

workshy · 19/09/2011 23:22

my dd (9.11) wears a bra because she needs one, always wears her massive cardigan buttoned up so no one notices, and is mortified that she still has to get changed infront of the boys for pe

before that she wore crop tops, can't remember her having ever worn a vest since she finished reception?

dd2 (7.10) wears nothing but if she wanted to wear a crop top I would let her

gomez · 19/09/2011 23:23

DD aged 11 needs a bra. I can just about get her into crop tops. She goes for the big and baggy look to hide any hint of boob. Works until on the back of her pony at which point I am wincing. She will not even consider a bra. Hoping when she leaves primary things may change.

Equally there are about 3 of her friends who are utterly flat and insist on wearing some bra like things. 'tis bizarre.

startail · 19/09/2011 23:32

DD2 (10) has a vest on today because she was cold. Sometimes wears nothing, tends to put on a cropped top if it's PE.
Has just started to get the faintest trace of something to hide.
I gave her a couple of cropped tops when she was 8 simply because I'd bought big sister a pile of bras and I knew she'd like something pretty too. (they were hello kitty and totally little girl, with matching knickers.)
She can still get into these plus various big sister hand me downs. In truth she gets up and dressed before me so often I don't know what she's got on. Very independent organised little madam. I expect I'll be marched to the shops when she wants a bra and told to exercise my credit card.

Original poster

muddyangels123 · 20/09/2011 20:22

Sorry, it's taken so long to reply. (DS2 has been off school with sickness!)

Thank you MN ladies.

bibbitybob....I wear a vest all winter too!!

DD still likes wearing her vests, it's more that now she's in year 5 and all the girls wear crop tops/starter bras she feels she should too.
I have ordered some crop tops from BHS and M&S. So, i hope they will be a better fit. The ones DD has are from tesco.( not the best quality, but i didn't want to spend money and DD not wear them tight arse me ).
I don't really want her wearing a bra before she needs one. I also don't like the padded ones for young tweens/teens.
Saying that, the M&S young bras are lovely.

OP posts:

menopausemum · 20/09/2011 22:40

Is it just me? Does no one else think that putting young, undeveloped girls in bras or worse still padded bras is encouraging them to see themselves as sexual objects? I know there is pressure from peers but at that point I'd be going into school to speak to the teachers about potential bullying/peer pressure issues.

workshy · 20/09/2011 22:46

my 9 year old wears a bra because she needs one but I understand your point about totally flat chested girls wearing padded bras -I think crop tops are fine though as from 8 plus some girls bodies are changing and no one likes to feel different

a short vest is not sexualising children IMHO

Fennel · 21/09/2011 09:53

I think "putting" a young undeveloped girl in a bra is different from permitting a late-developing tween who's flat but all their friends are wearing bras to wear one. I wasn't a late developer myself but some girls who were did struggle with that, I hear women saying how hard it was that their mother wouldn't let them wear a bra (you get those stories on mumsnet) and I think, it wouldn't be very hard just to let them when their peers are would it? That's why I would let my 10-12 year old dds wear a bra if they wanted. Not my 7yo.

In fact my 10 and 11yos are pretty impervious to sexualisation of young girls, they are relentlessly uninterested in clothes or hair, it's still a battle to get them to wash a bit. Perhaps that's why I don't feel worried about over-sexualisation, cos in my family it's almost the opposite, I'm the one saying "now dd, how about we buy you some clothes that are just a teeny tiny bit trendy?"

menopausemum · 21/09/2011 20:10

o.k. Fennel, I agree that by the age of 11-12 it probably does no harm if they are otherwise unaffected by sexualisation. Butfor many children the constant drip drip drip effect of eastenders type viewing 'have you got a boyfriend yet?' type comments from older members of the family, pierced ears (and worse) smacks of taking their childhood away from them with nothing of any use to replace it with.

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