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Parenting

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Original poster

Has anyone had or contemplated another baby once youngest starts school?

27 replies

rubyhorse · 02/08/2011 14:10

That's it in a nutshell, really. DD is 7, DS is 4 and due to start school after summer. DH and I considering another - is this classic empty-nesting?

Can anyone share their thoughts / experiences? Feeling very torn.

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bogwobbit · 02/08/2011 14:21

Hi. I've done it twice, with my third and fourth children. With no3 it was brilliant, with no. 4 it was much harder. In saying that, I don't regret either but sometimes wish my family wasn't quite so spread out.
Feel free to ask any specific questions.

Original poster

rubyhorse · 02/08/2011 14:25

How big are your gaps, then? Did it feel like going back to square one? How has the impact been on your older ones?

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roundabout1 · 02/08/2011 21:35

I didi it, dd1 started school days after her 4th bday & I wanted another baby staright away. Had been considering it before but it made me act on it! Conceived in the september, I'll be 43 when dd2 starts school so probbaly won't do it then though - although I'll want to!

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Original poster

rubyhorse · 02/08/2011 23:07

And how has it been? Sounds like I'm a similar age to you when you did it. Our gap would be nearly a year bigger, though....

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roundabout1 · 03/08/2011 20:26

I've found it good, most times the big age gap - dd1 6 end aug, dd1 13 months seems ideal, dd1 adores her& dd1 will play nicely with her & can be very helpful!, but sometimes it I feel a bit sorry for dd1 as some of her toys are now hidden away as all the small bits, beads etc. Go for it would, it defintely eases the empty nest feeling knowing you are pregnant!

sockpoppet · 03/08/2011 20:28

I've got 5 years gap and its been brilliant. Ds gets all my attention during the day and the kids are really pleased to see each other when I pick my Dd up from school.

bogwobbit · 04/08/2011 16:17

Hi Rubyhorse. There is a 6 year gap between no 2 & no 3 and a 6 1/2 year gap between no 3 and 4. Funnily enough, it didn't really feel like going back to square one alhtough in effect it was. When my son (no 3) was born, the older were really pleased - they loved playing with him, helping out etc. With no 4, the older two were either teenagers or almost and weren't that interested. My son was though - he took his little sister, aged about 3 months, to 'show and tell' at his school.

lookatthatmess · 04/08/2011 18:50

We have a 5 yr age gap between dd and ds.
You have to consider how hard/easy would school run be with a baby?
Do you live close enough to their schools to walk with pram? I had quite a distance to go for ds school, so it meant a lot of driving, getting pram and baby in and out of the car (not much fun when raining).

Original poster

rubyhorse · 05/08/2011 00:02

Food for thought, here. School run wouldn't be a problem - less than five minutes on foot. I have to say that my concerns are around the impact on the older two - they're used to their life as it is just as much as we are - wonder if they'd find it restrictive?

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eightytwenty · 05/08/2011 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneBennet · 10/08/2011 11:57

Gosh I do like this thread, I've been having the same thoughts for nearly a year. DH not onboard yet but there's hope!

TheArmadillo · 10/08/2011 12:25

dd was born in the summer holidays between ds reception and year 1, so we had a few weeks at home together before he went back to school.

It is brilliant to be able to pack one off for the day so you can concentrate on the tiny one but then you can spend more time on the older one when they are back (without feeling guilty about neglecting baby). Also means you get time to rest in the day when baby sleeps.

One of ds friends mums has 8 years between her two and says it was easy while they were tiny but it was once the younger hit about 3yo and was no longer content to go along to older one's activities that the problems began (older one was too old to just enjoy hanging around the park like younger wanted) so I think we'll have that to look forward to.

Ds and dd adore each other so at the moment its all going well.

Original poster

rubyhorse · 15/08/2011 00:06

Hmmm - yes, I can imagine they're portable when tiny, but that when you've got a 12 year old and a four year old to entertain things could get tricky...

Still pondering, by the way.

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pearlgirl · 15/08/2011 00:20

We have an eight year gap between ds3 and ds4 - there are three years and ten months between ds1 and ds3,. For us it has taken some getting used to as we were getting used to much more independent dcs and had forgotten some of the realities of a small one - it has been interesting at times trying to fit a baby round the seemingly endless commitments of the others and a teenager's growing social life but with a bit of give and take on all sides most things get sorted.
The highlight of ds4's day is when his adored and adoring big brothers come home and when they are at school it is like just having one child with lots of extra jobs. I have found it harder to get into baby groups etc partly because of work and partly because of time and am now making a conscious effort to try to get to that sort of thing.

BlobTheGreat · 15/08/2011 09:02

Yes, ds started nursery school last september 5 mornings a week. He's full time in September this year and I am currently 22 weeks pg with DC2 after always saying DS would be an only child! For us it wasn't just the empty nest syndrome it was more that we both admitted we weren't convinced our family was complete yet and I don't think we'd have coped with a smaller age gap at all. I now feel ds is at an age where (although still demanding as all 4 yr olds are) I don't have to have eyes in back of my head and worry about routine and naps etc. He sleeps well, he's independant and to be honest I really feel ready to do it all again. If you'd have asked me a yr and half ago I think I would have said 'HELL NO!'

If you feel like you want another child, have another if you can afford it and feel like you can cope with another. I think you may regret not having another but rarely people regret having one!

housemum · 15/08/2011 09:15

It can be hard at the age my youngest are now - 8 and 3. Practically, has been fine - can walk to school, pre school and school are close enough to do the two drop offs and pick ups. But there is a bit of resentment from the 8 year old now when the 3 year old wants to get involved and play, but is not quite old enough to properly join in. Or the other way round, that the 8 year olds friends knock for her to play out, and DD3 wants to play outside too and doesn't understand she's too young. The baby stage was relatively easy as eg DD2 came home from school and read her book to me while I fed DD3, then we all cuddled on the sofa. Sitting/crawling stage was fun too as DD3 knew how to make her laugh, and liked to play with her.

Original poster

rubyhorse · 15/08/2011 09:57

What about age? I'm 38 at the moment, and wondering if I'm maybe a bit too old. The career thing is at the back of my mind, too - I've had a few years out since DC, and don't want to leave the career behind forever. Having said that, though, at current retirement ages I've got another 30 years of working life ahead of me!

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Matronalia · 15/08/2011 11:49

DD is 6 and DS is 23 months and we are going through a hard stage at the moment. If DD wants to play with something then DS wants to as well and its hard finding things that are suitable for both of them to play. DD is happy to sit down and draw, DS wants to do that too, but I have to then sit with them rather than get on with other jobs. If either of them is quietly playing then the other one will try and get in on it which usually results in lots of screaming. I find it quite difficult to discipline them because DD thinks I am being too hard on her and too easy on DS who is so much younger e.g. if she bites him she gets a different punishment to him biting her. DD can't have any of her toys anywhere other than her room and the lounge is taken over with mostly DS's toys as his room is so tiny, so there are issues there with 'mine' 'no mine', especially as many of DS's toys belonged to DD when she was his age.

There is lots of sibling rivalry and jealousy because DS needs more from me at the moment so DD feels shortchanged, and because he is alone with me all day he is very reluctant to share me when she is home from school or during the holidays. Little things like going for a walk are tricky as DS walks so slowly and DD wants to sprint ahead, so I feel like I am watching a tennis game!

I personally found it very hard to go from an independent child with whom I could have intelligent conversations + plenty of free time to shapesorters, nightwaking and nappies again. The squabbling and arguing really gets me down although they do love one another and it is getting slightly better over time as DS's language and comprehension improve. I think it depends on the nature of your children more than anything.

I dont know about the age thing though, I had both of mine before I was 28 and I am looking forward to going back to work and being able to work without taking any more time off and concentrate on a career for once.

Leemacksflatcap · 15/08/2011 12:13

I'm in the same boat!

DD1 is 7 and going into primary 4 and DD2 is 5 and just about to start school on wednesday........want another one and am thinking about trying when my youngest is settled into school. Only drawback i'm thinking is going back to the start again after getting a bit of 'myself' back again.

bilblio · 15/08/2011 13:51

We timed it that way. DD starts school in September, baby 2 is due October. My husband is a SAHD, he took some convincing for no.2 so I didn't dare inflict a second on him while DD was home too. :) (Although he would have been great at it.)

I'd have loved them closer together though.

I'm not looking forward to the early mornings and sleepless nights though. DD has just started coming downstairs on her own in the morning and playing quietly rather than coming in and waking us up.
We do still wake up but it's nice to be able to lay in bed for a while with one ear open. :)

jubilee10 · 16/08/2011 16:50

I have 23 months between ds1 and ds2. I wanted another one as soon as ds2 went to school but it took time to convince dh. I then had 2 mc's before ds3 was conceived. Ds3 started school today! Older brothers are 15 and 14. I won't be doing it again, I'm 47, but I don't regret having ds3.

JIRkids · 16/08/2011 20:58

Oh I wish I hadn't seen this! We were thinking of having a 3rd and were all set to do it then changed our minds. Mainly worries about money, house needs doing up, plus my 2 children are extremely demanding and fight a lot!!! I still feel so broody and my youngest starts school in September. I am going to be devastated! I don't think I can convince my husband again and am annoyed with myself for not getting on with it when he was on board!

Original poster

rubyhorse · 17/08/2011 22:54

Oh, sorry, JIRkids! Minds can always be changed back, if it's the right thing. If it's any consolation, having dreaded the first day at school, DS started today (we're in Scotland) and I didn't have the slightest pang. You might be surprised :).

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JIRkids · 18/08/2011 09:00

I'm glad the first day went well. Does he start full time straight away? Mine doesn't start until the 3rd week in September and then it is only for half days until after half term! So I guess it is a while before I feel the full impact. I work from home part time so I am worried I am going to be a bit of a hermit!!

Are you going to give yourself a bit of time to adjust then make your mind up about another baby?

Original poster

rubyhorse · 18/08/2011 21:18

Not straight away, no. We've a couple of weeks of half days before they go full time. I know it's a pain in the neck, especially when you're working, but I do think they need it - DS is tired after a morning. I know what you mean about being a hermit - I think I could have the option to work from home part time, too, if I pushed it, but it would mean a very quiet life.

Yes, I'm going to take a bit of time to adjust. It's the only sensible way. On the other hand, not too much time - see above about being 38! And that gap won't be getting any smaller :)

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