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Parenting

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Original poster

urgent help needed- terrible twos just too terrible!

34 replies

alexsmum · 13/11/2005 22:49

My previously delightful two year old has hit the terrible twos with a god almighty crash and I have found myself stumbling around in the wreckage, wondering where MY child has got to, who is this monster who is is hanging around the house screaming, and what has happened to my life.
This week he has screamed over having his coat on, having his coat off, ditto shoes, and all other clothing.He has screamed about being in the pram and also about walking, about going to bed, eating,drinking, etc etc etc.Every aspect of his day basically. I am at the end of my tether and am really struggling to know how to handle this.My older child was NEVER like this and so i'm a newbie at this whole thing.Any advice would be gratefully received....before tomorrow comes and the whole thing starts up again!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Shazzler · 13/11/2005 22:51

Distraction, bribery, counting to 3 to get them to do what you want.

Or just go into hiding for a few years

Chandra · 13/11/2005 22:52

Get the Super Nanny book, it has been a god's send to us

Best of luck and lots of lots of patience.

Original poster

alexsmum · 13/11/2005 22:55

the distraction thing has never worked with him- he would always just grab whatever you were using to distract him and throw it. It is literally over everything...

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meggymoo · 13/11/2005 22:57

Message withdrawn

Nemo1977 · 13/11/2005 23:00

dont do counting to 3 my ds winds me up more and he is only 2.1yrs. I tell him he as to 3 and as soon as I say one he goes two three whheeee mummy...grr
I use time out and a reward chart

QueenVictoria · 13/11/2005 23:01

Supernanny is pretty good actually.

I usually say to my dd in low firm voice "We are doing x now. I want you to get your coat and shoes on so we can do x". if she chucks a hissy i repeat the instruction and say if she doesnt put her coat and shoes on she will go to her bedroom (for timeout). Its pretty successful. I use it after asking in normal fashion first of course.

MarsLady · 13/11/2005 23:01

hi alexsmum. Long time no see.

Ah yes... the terrible 2's.

When DS1 was 2, he was no problem at all. Couldn't work out why people were getting so het up about it.

DD1.... oh boy!!!!! She soon let me know what people were on about!!!!!!!!!! I remember once getting on a bus with her. I knew that she wanted to do everything herself and so left her to get on the bus. A lovely kind lady saw her trying to get her little legs up onto the platform and made the fatal mistake. She lifted DD1 up and popped her on the bus.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" DD1 screamed..... "My do it!!!!!!!!!!!!! My do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The poor woman was mortified.

I don't know if I remember what to do darling. Distract where you can. Ignore where you can't. Hold firm, try not to drink the entire bottle of wine before 4pm.

I'll be there shortly. The DTs are 21 months (time has really flown) and they are already practising their tantrums. DT1 already looks in mirrors to see how effective her tears are.

Original poster

alexsmum · 13/11/2005 23:03

kind of- dh takes over when he comes home and he is finding it hard going too.ds is currently cuddled up on dh's lap having won the bedtime battle after approx 2 hours.he was disturbing his brother who has to be up for school tomorrow.
this afternoon we had about 30 minutes screaming and sobbing because he wanted to draw and i gave him different coloured paper to his brother.when i swapped it he still carried on, paper was throwwn to the floor etc.
i'm not a pushover either, i maintain good discipline normally and have not had any problems but this is just mad!

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Original poster

alexsmum · 13/11/2005 23:09

hi marslady! have been offline for ages as computer is packed up because work being done in the house.got dh to set up internet on his work laptop cos i was desperate for some mumsnet advice! ds is 2 and three months now and has obviously been reading the manuals!
i have been doing the firm voice- we are putting our coats on now etc and i get the coat on, i just have an hour of sobbing afterwards! and then when we come home he won't take it off!

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Original poster

alexsmum · 13/11/2005 23:21

bumping this as really need some ideas for tomorrow to try and make the day more pleasant

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MarsLady · 13/11/2005 23:31

okay darling.

Time to choose your battles.

Eg... keeping his coat on when he comes home harms no one.

Now I know that that is just a minor thing, but the trick is to work out which are the minor things and which are the major.

So... if it's minor, let it go (for now - time enough to deal with it once you've worked out his currency.). His currency = whatever reward that works for him or punishment - thing taken away, that works for him.

Decide what you can avoid and what you want to tackle.

Supermarkets.... if he continually throws tantrums there... do you have to take him?

If the firm voice doesn't work then try some avoidance tactics.

Am trying to think of what else I did... but the memories fade pretty quickly!!!

MarsLady · 13/11/2005 23:32

oh yes..... super praise.

Giving HUGE praise when he does something nice or lovely. Ignore bad behaviour. No attention for it.

collision · 13/11/2005 23:42

This is the third thread where I have recommended a good behaviour chart!! My ds was HORRENDOUS a couple of weeks ago and is now an angel again.

You do have to keep calm though.

I cut out a shape of a castle with a flag and cut in a drawbridge with a foto of the boys in it. At the bottom I drew a big scary red dragon that ds1 and I painted together. Then I wrote the numbers 1-14 (1 for each day equalling 2 weeks) Start with one at the bottom going up to 14 as you reach the drawbridge.

Then for every day that ds has been good, eating, being kind, not flipping out etc he will get one step. We remind him about the steps and how if he keeps flipping out he wont get a step. It has been fantastic. We talk a lot about it in the day to remind him and he loses them too if he is too naughty and had warnings.

He can choose a prize when he gets 14 steps. He chose the Elefun game and is now working to getting Hungry Hippos.

Your ds is a little younger than mine but something similar can definitely work.

This castle is now on the wall of the playroom for everyone to see and chat about and he is very proud of it.

HTH

MarsLady · 13/11/2005 23:44

Like it collision. Will try it with DD2. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm a fairy castle I think!

Tortington · 14/11/2005 00:00

many sympathies, i have no advice. except - not long now wil playgroup or nursery - yay for you!

Original poster

alexsmum · 14/11/2005 00:15

thanks guys for the help. the picking your battles thing is spot on marslady.the coat has been on a lot in the house because like you said it doesn't matter!and i've been doing my best to ignore a lot of it.
Mt plan for tomorrow is to be busy busy busy. a trip to the park, maybe painting so he is too occupied to think about whether he has to have white paper or yellow. The ignoring thing works..it really does.This morning he got up and said he wanted breakfast.I made it and offered it him- tried to help him with it and he just went nuts.So i put it on the table and walked away-left the room.When i came back he was busy tucking in.He just wants to do it his way in his own time.

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MarsLady · 14/11/2005 11:56

You will get there honey. Just remember your crash helmet and you'll be okay.

Hope you have a good day today. Running off the energy is always a good one.

collision · 14/11/2005 21:33

As Twiglett once said, 'Having a boy is like having a dog......they need at least 2 hours exercise a day!!'

Orinoco · 14/11/2005 21:53

Message withdrawn

whatamess · 14/11/2005 22:03

I count to 10 not three - gives dd time to really think about the consequences. Don't make threats you can't carry out (i.e. if you say you'll go without him you have to go out of sight until he buckles - my dd just waves good-bye!) and giving two choices e.g. which trousers do you want to put on

Don't why I'm trying to give advice as some days my dd is child from hell, she tells me she's a little minx. Yet Nursery tell me she's a model child

Good luck and it's not just you

whatamess · 14/11/2005 22:05

I also agree with orinoco, I don't battle over everything - coats for example she'll soon realise if she's cold, and I've found that telling her in advance helps

SugaPlum · 14/11/2005 22:40

My sons a little terror too! I find he's always trying to push me as far as he can for example we'll be sat down eating dinner and he runs off to the fridge and opens it, i tell him to close it and he just stands there hard faced as if to say "Make Me!" - this happens every dinner time but he refuses to go in a highchair, if i do put him in a highchair his dinner gets thrown to the dog! Lose lose situation, i try to ignore him but that doesn't work either!

MarsLady · 14/11/2005 22:55

sugarplum.... ignore him!

all of you should just eat normally and ignore him. Make no comment. He'll soon come round when he doesn't get the attention he wants.

SugaPlum · 14/11/2005 22:59

If i ignore him i'll end up with raw eggs all over the floor!

Original poster

alexsmum · 14/11/2005 23:16

well todays tactics seemed to work.i paid him loads of attention and sat drawing thomas the blinking tank engine and doing puzzles and all the rest and got very little housework or anything done but he has been a lot sweeter.

he did throw a fit about having to sit in the trolley at the supermarket but we distracted him with talk of christmas trees.I guess we just have to take each day as it comes.
Glad it's not just my little one!

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