urgent help needed- terrible twos just too terrible!

[alexsmum]

My previously delightful two year old has hit the terrible twos with a god almighty crash and I have found myself stumbling around in the wreckage, wondering where MY child has got to, who is this monster who is is hanging around the house screaming, and what has happened to my life.
This week he has screamed over having his coat on, having his coat off, ditto shoes, and all other clothing.He has screamed about being in the pram and also about walking, about going to bed, eating,drinking, etc etc etc.Every aspect of his day basically. I am at the end of my tether and am really struggling to know how to handle this.My older child was NEVER like this and so i'm a newbie at this whole thing.Any advice would be gratefully received....before tomorrow comes and the whole thing starts up again!

sugarplum... move the breakables before mealtime and ignore him. At the moment he's getting all the attention he wants.

Do you have a booster seat to allow him to sit at the table like a big boy?

Alexsmum.. I'm glad you had a better day. One day at a time.... and in a few months when the twins are in full tantrum mode, remind me of my words lol

My two year old was so angry this morning that he hit me over the head with his nappy

I had/have the exact same problem, although I think that mine's growing out of it now... I use a combination of things depending on the circumstances.

Reward charts didn't work for us as I don't think that he could grasp the long-term concept/goal.

If I am going to pick a 'fight' with him then I'll stick it out, so I definitely pick my battles. Once I've decided that we're on for it, I always follow the same process and always carry out my threats.

We have a three strike system, XX don't do that, XX if you do that again you're going into the corridor. XX then goes into the corridor (though not very much any more). Once I've calmed down enough to get him out , I go down to his level, get him to say sorry, tell him why he's in there, and then we both have a hug.

This has literally performed miracles in our house, and he's so much better. I would also say that he's def. naughtier with DH who is MUCH more lenient, so I think being firm when necessary really works.

Having said that, there are times (like when he whacks DS2) that the system goes out of the window and he's dragged into the corridor by an arm with the door VERY firmly closed behind him .

Obviously you'd have to be a saint to be calm all the time, but we both now know what happens when he's naughty and I really think it helps both of us.

Hope this helps, good luck!

His booster seats currently at his Gran and Grandads ML and he hasn't used in ages - not since he decided to rock in it and make the chair fall over!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Am trying to think of all the tricks that I used. I like what bumbled said, but I don't know if that would work for your DS.

DS1 was a dream. Count to three, by the time you got to two he would do what you wanted.

DD1 was a bit more difficult. She'd argue the toss, even before she could speak.

DD2... she was a whole other ball game! What ever you threatened her with she didn't care. She has been the hardest battle (though I think that DT1 may prove me wrong!)

So... what, if anything, works with your DS? All children have a currency. You need to work out what his is. For a while the best (or should it be worst) punishment for DD2 was taking her dolls away. Then stopping her from going to her friends or having them over. At the moment the pasta jar works best.

Marslady...am confused...how many children do you have?

And what is the pasta jar?

I have 5.

DS1 13 (in a couple of weeks)
DD1 11
DD2 7
DTs 21months

The Pasta Jar.... love the pasta jar.

You start the week with 5 pieces of pasta in a jar. Each time your little darling does something good another piece of pasta is popped into the jar. If your little darling behaves like a little monster (is bad) then you remove a piece of pasta.

At the end of the week you count up the pasta pieces. Each piece is worth 1p, 10p whatever you decide. I take DD2 to the toyshop where she spends her money on the pocketmoney table. She buys such junk, but is so happy.

It was Puff's idea. And used by many a MNetter!

I have been there (and still go there) with my son who is three now. The most effective thing by far has been making it all fun. Make it a game. If the coat has to go on, then it's a tickly coat. His socks often go on his nose, ears, head etc and by the time he's giggling they can happily go on his feet. Also, competitiveness is a big thing - I say it's a race to get ready and this nearly always works.

The other thing they have in abundance is contrariness - I tell him in a firm voice than ON NO ACCOUNT IS HE ALLOWED TO WEAR HIS COAT. and he immediately wants it. or whatever it is i'm trying to acheive.

Also I sometimes think that people forget kids don't like to be told things all the time. If it's freezing outside and he must wear his coat then I let him step outside, and FEEL the cold for himself. I've used the coat thing as an example but these approaches have worked with pretty much everything.

I know its an old post but how are all you moms and your now grown-up kids doing? M having HARD time with my 26 month old DD