Calling All Gina Ford Mum's!

[Susiet]

I was wondering if any of you Gina Ford mum's out there have joined the "Contented Little Baby Club"? I am desperate to get in touch with other Gina mum's and organise social events etc.. I live in Bedford and am finding it very hard to make new friends now that I have a baby. I find that other mum's / health visitors tend to frown on me as Amy is following Gina's routines, and also that there are very few activities / mother and baby groups that run at times that fit in with Amy's schedule. If you're out there in the same situation, please get in touch - I need to know that I'm not the only mum in the world who is lonely, but at the same time happy that they have a contented little baby who eats and sleeps like a dream!

Hi there - I'm probably not quite what you are after, but my dd was a semi-contented little baby! In other words, she slept to the routines, but didn't quite get the eating bit! She is now 23 mths old, and still sleeps per Gina Ford (give or take 1/2 hr), so probably a bit too old for you. I too find that mums and tots times do not fit in.

Have you tried your local NCT group? They have coffees at various times of the day, for varying ages, ie babies to walking, walking to school age etc.

I'm not sure how old Amy is, but if she is still little, meeting people really does get easier. I gave up a demanding career (or rather put it on hold) to have dd, and initially found it difficult to meet people where I live. When you work full time, you tend to socialise through work. That was 2 years ago, and now I know lots of people, mainly through Olivia. Go swimming, join music groups, go to coffees, and do it regularly (even when it seems really strained and strange) You get to know faces, and talking becomes easier. Often, others are in the same position as you, and waiting for someone to speak to them.

I hope that it gets easier, I am sure that it will. Our local NCT branch includes Rushden, which is not too far from Bedford. If you need a number, or a coffee rota, let me know. Good luck.

Hi Susie T

What is the "Contented Little Baby Club" ? This sounds like the thing I have also been looking for! Unfortunately, I live in London so not on your doorstep... I am also using TCLBB and would love to be able to talk to other mothers about implementing the routines. And yes, I find I keep quiet about using the book with other mums, as I resent having to defend my choice all the time - I don't criticise other people's methods!

Good luck and keep us posted.

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Thanks for your support everyone. Bossykate, Gina Ford has set up the "Contented Little Baby Club" to provide a support network across the country for mum's using her routines. You can find out more about it at www.contentedbaby.com. Gina will be issuing a newsletter eight times a year, which will include details of other members. She is also planning workshops and seminars as well as trying to visit as many mum's as possible. It sounds like a great idea - I am currently waiting for the first newsletter. Please keep in touch everyone!

Like the others, I sympathise but I did find I could adapt Gina methods slightly (heresy I know !) to fit in with some events by letting dd have her early nap in the car en route to wherever we were going - we used to always travel the longest, busiest routes.. It would only work once every few days though, when I tried it daily life quickly became pear-shaped. We also had a local group which met from 10-11.30 so by going a bit late we could fit that into the routine and still be back in time to get lunch. As Bloss says, it's not forever (although it feels like it sometimes) and it does get easier, particularly when they drop the early nap. Again, I'd suggest looking at NCT coffee groups too because in mine there were about 4 of us who were following Gina so we acted as a support sub-group to each other. Good luck !

susiet, I know how you feel. My boss employed Gina for his 2 babies and recommended her book to me. I got my ds into a really good sleeping pattern following her advice and (apart from when he is unwell) he has a 2 hr sleep after lunch and 11 hrs at night without a peep from him. He is now 18 months. I am so surprised other parents would frown at you following these routines, maybe they are jealous of your 'contented' baby! I felt isolated in the early months as his daytime naps meant I couldn't go to Mums and Tots and would have loved to have known about the Contented Baby Club then.
All I can say is, it does get better. Once the other naps were dropped I started going to different groups, trying to find one where we both 'fitted in'. I'm not a natural when it comes to socialising but I felt it really important for my son to mix with other children his age. I now go to Tumbletots, a Mum and Tot group twice a week and today I went for the first time to a family room affiliated to the nursery school next door. They were so friendly and I'm glad I made the effort my ds had a brilliant time.
I do hope you can meet up with other Gina Mums but don't despair, things will get better!

I used Gina's routines with my daughter who certainly sleeps and eats brilliantly, so in that respect they are great. However, the isolation I felt in the early months when I was desperately trying to stick to them made my life much more depressing than it needed to be! I didn't know any other mums who were following the routines and so I found socialising very difficult indeed. I certainly feel that getting out and about and meeting other mums is equally as important as getting a sleep/food pattern established. Because of this I won't be following the routines exactly with my new baby (due next year) as I value the times I have at Mother and Toddler and the other classes I do with my daughter. She's 21 months (up at 8am, has a 11/2hr sleep at lunchtime then bed at 7). I don't fancy joining the Contented Baby Club either as although I personally thought the routines were great and made a lot of sense, I don't really like the idea of mixing purely with people that follow one way of childraising. It seems quite limited in a way.

I haven't joined the club but follow her routines. It is a disappointment when I can't join some baby groups because they don't fit in with the routine, but if you look around, there are usually so many groups that a few are bound to be at a more convenient time. My little one is now 14 months old and I have cut out her morning nap, so we can now go to groups that happen in the morning.
The only thing I find frustrating is that whenever I have to take her to baby clinic, the appointment is always slap bang in the middle of her afternoon nap and they are not at all flexible! So tomorrow I have to get her up from her nap to take her to have her MMR (which is another story). So as well as any potential side-effects from the jab, I will also have a very grumpy baby all afternoon.

Does anyone have the book 'From Contented Baby to Contented Toddler'? It costs £17 in our local bookshop and I'm sure there must be some second-hand ones knocking about.

LisaV - do you mean Contented Baby to confident Child? this came out in paperback a few months ago and costs about £8 or £9 I think.

My son was/is on the routine, he is 21 months old. It has worked really well for him. I did find the routine difficult when it came to socialising, having said that I sometimes cheated a bit. For example, we had "new mum" meetings at our surgery at 2PM every week when my ds was 2 months old... that meant waking him up at 1:45pm... so I did and I fed him at the meeting.
With baby number 2 (6 weeks old) I am not as successful with the routine. I'll write something on that in a week or so as I have promised it on several threads.
As for the club, well I got in touch with GF in January about this, heard nothing, called again in March... and finally I got a call from one of her organisors in May... I was promised the newsletter... I AM STILL WAITING - so I am dissapointed ! Maybe it isn't ready yet but when I spoke to this lady in May it was a matter of days before I would receive it !

As for loneliness... I feel very lonely a lot of the time - I put it down to not being British.... and therefore people don't really include me (I live in Kent) and I also I don't always know about all these clubs and where to find them...

LisaV - I agree with Jolly - try Amazon (they sell it).

LisaV - I bought the followup book from contented baby to confident child, and was disappointed with it. I'm glad I only paid the paperback price, because it repeats a lot of the first book. Anyone else feel the same? I would recommend trying to get a second hand/borrowed/library copy to try first.

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Susiet, I'm not a Ginaphile myself- far too disorganised!- but I certainly wouldn't "frown on" those who follow her routines. I'm sure there are loads of Bedfordonians out there who'd like to get to know you and your baby, whether or not they share your taste in parenting gurus. Grab any socialising time you can from Amy's routine, find some mums and start chatting! It's great that you've got a contented baby but your contentment is important too, so combat that loneliness ASAP.

There seems to be another theme indicated by some of the messages on this thread. Namely, that whilst there are some 'contented' babies around, some of the mothers end up far from happy. Research shows that one of the factors in PND is social isolation, which appears to be a side effect of Gina Ford's regime for babies. Does GF mention anything about this in her book?

Speaking for myself, part of the pleasure of having a new baby is the social aspect and I would hate to have been tied to someone else's idea of what my baby should be doing. As you've probably guessed, I've not used Gina Ford's book, yet of my four children, three probably would count as 'contented' babies and just one as less obliging.

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Pupuce, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and isolated, I felt the same way for many months, but as I mentioned in my post below I've managed to join a number of groups, and am slowly making friends - it takes time. The way I found out about the Mum and Tots group and family room was because when I went to the park (on my own) with ds there were other Mums there on their own too and when our children started playing together (or pushing/poking, usually!) I would ask them if they took their child to any groups and went from there. If you are interested in Tumbletots, there should be sessions in your area and I think the website is www.tumbletots.co.uk.
I was also wondering how the routines would work with baby no 2 as we are thinking about having another soon. I would not want to stop going to the groups so I think the new baby would have to work around the routines for my older child.
Pupuce, when you get a chance, could you post something about your experiences?

Hi Bloss and everyone, we've done this before I know, and it's something that keeps cropping up as it gets down to the basics. I really think that no-one should be making judgements, as you say what works for you, wouldn't work for everyone. BUT (bet you knew that was coming, ha ha!) I think one of the main points for us non-gina/routine Mums is the fact that I wouldn't like anyone telling me how to raise my child and to an 'outsider' that's what it looks like is happening to you. I remember thinking 'yeah whatever, I'll do it my way thank-you' to my Mum's and other people's suggestions on sleeping/feeding etc. I mean I took on board any helpful comments, but applied them in what I thought was best for me and baby. To be honest I think the reason I have a bit of a problem getting my head round the fact that this one book rules how so many people raise their children. It's also quite strange for me to think there are hundreds of little babies being woken up and put in their cots, and fed and winded and interacted with, at exactly the same time day in, day out....I don't want to say the word 'creepy', I really don't, but does anyone see my point?

(Cue mass torrent of abuse, but I really tried to ignore Susiet's comment of having a 'contented little baby who eats and sleeps like a dream' - then it just got the better of me )

I was merely echoing what some other people have said on this list, Bloss, so I fail to see how that is patronising. In any case, you entirely missed my point, which was about PND. As a one time sufferer of a severe form of PND I know some of the possible effects of the illness; the sufferer isn't always in a position to weigh up all the pros and cons of a decision in a manner that takes into account both mother and baby's welfare.

Lizzer, I see your point entirely. I've also got an aversion to people telling me what to do, though I don't have a problem with routines as such; after all, many babies develop their own routine unaided. Now you mention it, it is a weird thought, all those babies being woken at the same time etc - Stepford Wives - the Next Generation! Is it true that GF has never had children herself and has no midwifery/nursing qualifications? I heard somewhere that she was a hotel manager in her former life.

DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL DULL!!! That's what I thought when I read Gina Ford! How do you Fordites stand the monotonousness of repeating the same actions day after day after day at exactly the right time? Do you not feel trapped on a circular conveyor belt of baby care tasks? It's not that I think she's an intrinsically evil baby hating witch (as some people seem to!) but her regime reads like painting by numbers- goodbye to parental spontenaity, creativity and mistakes.
Also I hate the way she ends each case study with a criticism of the child's mother ("It is my belief that Jerome would have continued to sleep till 7 each morning if his mother had not committed the heinous crime of... not keeping his room completely dark/failing to express milk at the 10pm feed/popping out to see a friend instead of putting him down for a nap etc.")
I know this will sound antagonistic to all the Gina disciples out there. I'm sorry because I know that you're following these routines for your babies' sakes and that, as Bloss pointed out, you wouldn't do it if you didn't think it was worth it. I also take on board the fact that your babies are thriving and happy and I think that's great and hats off to you and Gina for that. It's just that I think parenting can be so much more interesting and creative than GF makes it sound. Have any of you read "Raising Happy Children" by the 2 Jans (one of whom advises on mumsnet I believe)? A very fab book that I'd recommend to any parent, Ginaphile or phobe.
Has anyone else got any favourites?

SusieT - sorry in my previous post forgot to mention that like other posters here have hunted around for activities which fit the routines and have been lucky enough to find some. I have found the local NCT newsletter a good source for all the activities in my area - why not try this if you haven't already. Like other posters, I also cheat a bit, if it won't disrupt him too much!

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I don't really have any views on GF's routines as such. I found her book useful as a guide in that it was so hard to get factual info on guidelines as to how much sleep babies of a particular age might be expected to need but I never felt the need to follow her routines in any detail.

I would say though, that now that our son is 2 his flexibility is a great joy. We still travel a bit, have a lot of weekends away and also entertain frequently at home. It is a real saviour to us that if we want him to go to bed early, we just give him a short and early day-time nap and likewise the opposite if for any reason, we want him up stay up later. Likewise, if we want him to get up a bit later in the morning, we just put him to bed later. If we go out to lunch, sometimes we might want him to be sitting at the table and eating with us, other times the plan will be for him to nap in his pram at that time.

I guess my question is, does a strict routine from an early age have an impact on toddlerdom habits or is flexibility just the luck of the draw?

Oh dear! Seems like my innocent plea for friendship and advice has turned into a Gina Ford slanging match. But then again, what can us robotic mums expect! I use Gina Ford's routines because I think what see advises makes sense. Like Bloss, I am assured of two hours at lunchtime to myself, plus because Amy goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps right through, I get every evening to spend with my husband. And think that makes following the routines well worth it!