New carpet! - Can I ask other mums to put nappies on their newly toilet trained toddlers?

[Rubineski]

Hi,

Am I being out of order here?

We have a new carpet throughout our house - a light colour. I know, I know, why have a nice new carpet when I've got a toddler (ds just turned two)? But the old one belonged to the previous owners and was pretty scanky!

People are being pretty considerate with it and asking whether they should take shoes off (depends on the weather usually) and to be honest, I'm not usually that anal about these things. But we will still be paying for it two years down the line and I'd like to think it will still be in a decent condition. We paid for a good quality one afterall.

Anyway, my group of mums meet once a week and soon it will be my turn. Now that the weather's turning we will probably be indoors. Some of them have already toilet trained their dds (all just turned two) but it's a bit sporadic. For example, at someone's house the other week one of them just peed on the floor - it was a laminate floor and so not a problem. Easily cleaned up.

So I'm getting a bit concerned. Can I ask them to put their children in nappies just to visit us? They all seem so proud of the fact that they've trained them that they might think this is a bit regressive.

In terms of what's happened at other people's houses - it's generally been good weather so they've played outside and it's not been an issue. Or they don't have carpet on the floor.

To make things more complicated, my ds got a bit of poo on someone's carpet the other week! It's not a regular thing - just an exploding nappy. In fact, he covered his hands in it by having a good rummage! The person who's house it was has got an old carpet and wants to get it replaced, so wasn't too bothered. But does this make me hypocritical?

Any advice out there?

Without wishing to be rude, if you had asked me to put my newly potty trained dd into a nappy to come into your home, I wouldn't have come - new carpet or no new carpet. It's very confusing for a newly trained child to be put back into a nappy again, and I wouldn't have done it for anyone.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask people to pop a nappy on their toddler just for a one off visit to your house. If some of the mums get sniffy, then suggest you hold the group somewhere else that week, maybe a soft play centre or something ?

I know what you mean it's a tricky one.

Perhaps you could cover the carpet for the session with rugs, sheets or throws. That way everyone can relax.

Lol, how about that for opposing posts, eh WWB ?!

I think it's unreasonable yes!

I think it's really important to be chilled out about cleanliness and dirt when you have friends around - if you want them to come back!!

Your friends will feel that you just don't trust them and they will be panicking about messing up the carpet in other ways. I went to a toddler playdate with a friend last week and we were asked to take our shoes off - cream carpet everywhere! - and then my friend tipped a whole cup of coffee in the middle of the floor - she was SOOO embarassed and we don't want to go back.

Why not suggest meeting at a soft play area instead? Or buy some large cheap throws/rugs/quilts to cover the floor where the children will be playing?

If it was my carpet I would feel the same but as a visitor to your house I may feel a bit put out being asked to put a nappy on my child. Could you put some old blankets or rugs down for the children to play on and say it's cos the carpets a bit scratchy. Otherwise make up a excuse about contagious illnesses and say you can't host for a year ot two

Is this the bit where I get stroppy and call you names now, NdP?

Hmmm, this is a really difficult one. Because speaking as the owner of a newly trained - ie occasionally lapsing - toddler, many of us are sticking with the 'it's pants from now on, chum' attitude. It's not just pride, it's part of the whole training thing.

Oooh, this is interesting! Thanks for all these posts.

I have to say, I cannot believe I've even got concerned about it. I agree with morningpaper that you should be chilled out about dirt. God - I am probably the least houseproud out of my group of mums - they all seem to clean every week and use bleach and do all sorts of grown-up things that I hardly get round to.

It's not the hygience factor that bothers me really. It's just having stains on the carpet that won't budge and I'll have to sit there looking at them for years to come (reason we got rid of last one really).

But I do accept what you are saying about feeling awkward as a visitor.

I think I will probably stop worrying about it after a few months. It's like with anything new - you just like to keep it in good shape at first, before it becomes as worn out as everything else.

You can't be this stressed about your carpet for 2 years or else you'll end up with no friends... chill! It's there to be used!

Someone beat you to it on the deletedthreadthatmustnotbementioned, WWB

Buy a spray thing of 1001 Carpet Cleaner and as soon as your chums have gone, remove any stains. It's magical stuff.

I agree motherI.
I think rugs and throws is the only option.
After all, there are so few places one feels welcome with a toddler, surely a toddler group needs to be a sactuary.

To be honest if it's brand new it should have some sort of scotch guard or spill protection in it. Just keep a few kitchen rolls down the back of the sofas and whip them out as needed with a chilled expression

OOH I think there's a bit of a dialectic going on here between the desire to have and maintain a lovely home and the practical issues arising therefrom..

I can't see the go back to a nappy idea is viable and don't forget there are lots of other ways for small children (and adults) to make a mess, I would either wait until you've got used to the carpet and made a few stains on it yourself before hosting or just shrug and hope for the best.

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Yes, 1001, rugs and a chilled out attitude need to be in order!

I suppose some of my concern exists because this isn't a stage I've reached yet with ds. And, if I'm being reeeeeeeeeally honest, I suppose I think that it's a bit early to be training them. From other people I've spoken to, they seem to regress often when it happens that young (most of them were one when trained).

I'm quite laid back about getting to these milestones so I'm just waiting until ds shows an interest, rather than forcing it.

I'm sure if I was in the throes of toilet training I'd be a lot more understanding.

i moved into a brand new house with a brand new cream carpet one week, potty trained my dd the next week (daft i know) had dozens of accidents and there is absolutely no trace of it on the carpet at all.

i HAD armed myself with a spray gun of 1001 though, would highly recommend it.

also, we had a housewarming party, the neighbours next door were here, they nipped next door to see to their 2 big dogs, who got excited and ran into my house (brand new house therefore no fence) and the BOTH peed on my lovely new carpet. i was distraught, cleaned it, worried myself sick as dd2 is crawling, it is like new now, and i didnt even fall out with the neighbours.

surely nothing worse than that will happen to you, so i wouldnt get in a tizz about a little toddlers weewee.

i am perfectly sure too that if a toddler did have an accident on your carpet, and you immediately got out the 1001 they wouldnt mind a jot

Plus, IMO, toddler wee is rarely strongly coloured or scented. They pee so often (or mine does) that it is just like water !

Thanks for all of this. You've all stopped me worrying.

I suppose firstly I didn't realise that putting nappies on was such a bad thing to do when training. I just haven't got to that stage yet with ds, so I suppose it's all a bit alient to me (not that different from the rest of parenthood then).

And yes, when you think about it, loads worse could happen.

And I'm glad to hear it doesn't smell. That was a bit of a concern. Suppose that's only an issue when they get onto the hard stuff!

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Dunno about asking friends to put their children in nappies, but cream carpet... argh! I have a cream carpet only a few months old and it's in such a state. I clean it every month with a hired cleaning machine too, but have had spilt coffee, wine, you name it, and burnt it with my straightening irons, too

Clean it every month

This brings back awful memories of baby dd,an exploding newborn nappy and a white sofa.

It was a coffee morning at the house of one of my NCT group, who were mostly, shall we say, a little precious.

I was made to feel like a leper... needless to say I didn't get invited again- and wouldn't have gone if I did.
Babies + Children = mess.
FACT.