Light-Hearted Jokes Thread 4 a Saturday night in.... no offence meant!!!

[Toblerone]

Just to start off with:

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly
and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

giggle giggle, been on the wine this afternoon!

Liked that one meiow and whymummy!

hi girly,nice to see you around!!!

Not around for long whymummy as soon it will be the mad bath and bedtime shift!

Maybe chat after dinner!

yes,i`m off too,bath time it is!!!!

YOu have to do this with the accents. Ok? There's this Frenchman, this Italian man and this Scots man. The Italian says, " When I-a make-a love, I cover her in-a rose -a petals and I-a bite-a them off-a one by one and she-a goes crazy". The French man says "When I make lurve wis a wooman, I cover 'er wis scented oil and I leek it off drop by drop and she goes craazy". The Scots man says " When Ah make love to a wumman, Ah whip ma dick oot, wipe it oan the curtains and she goes fuckin' mental!"

lol mmm

doormat ive sent the one about kermit to my brother(hes a big fan of kermit)it`ll soon be going around all his mates in spain

why do we need men for??
vivrators can`t buy you drinks

if they managed to send one man to the moon
WHY NOT SEND THEM ALL????

why did god created a man first??
all first time experiments are done with rats

Good Evening Ladies!! Cracking open the wine again or is it a sober one.

I figured out (or Breeze did for me!) that I can still post under my original name from home!

Joke:

Q: What do you call 10,000 men at the bottom of a pit?

A: A bloody good start!

WHERE ARE YOU ALL?? I'm a lonely sad person.... DP has gone to the pub. Ds is sleeping and I'm ....... drinking! I know I know it's only Monday, but I had stressful day.

Anybody there?

anyone? >sob

lol whymummy

Go on beetroot! I'll be the littel devil on your shoulder........ O P E N M E .....

Hear that?? That's the wine calling you.....

Oh god I'm sad!

Mt2 I'm on my 3rd glass of Wolf Blass and just having a browse - can't think of any good jokes though

or did I mean m2t?

Wolf Blass? I haven't heard of that one, what is it? I've just opened a lovely chilled bottle of Hardy's Crest Chardonnay. Only on my first glass though....

What is it chat on this thread tonight.If so can Ianyone join in?

Wolf Blass is Australian - at the moment I'm drinking a shiraz with and I quote "intense peppery Shiraz characters with vanilla oak overtones. Rich, complex and well structured" Yum yum. However, perhaps not to your taste m2t if you're a chardonnay lover?

Hi doormat, do you know any jokes?

Yeh my dp is the biggest one

Iota - I used to like red, but since having ds I just can't stomach it..... I get a terrible hang over!

Welcome Doormat!! I'm trying to think of jokes that won't offend people!! I have loads of blonde/Essex girls/Irish/English jokes, but I'm afraid of getting banned from Mumsnet!!!!

ROFL Doormat!! Brilliant!!

My ex husband is an even bigger joke

How do you confuse an irishman again?

Send him into a round room and tell him to wait in the corner!!!