Light-Hearted Jokes Thread 4 a Saturday night in.... no offence meant!!!

[Toblerone]

Just to start off with:

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly
and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

Think it's just you and me Doormat!

LOL M2T
Trouble is dont know how far to go as know some very crude jokes but dare not show them here...

So what are you drinking 2 night.
I have been drinking over the weekend and needed a break 2 night.

I know! I think we've probably gone too far already. Ah well!! You're only young once!

How do you know when a blonde has had an orgasm?

She drops her nail file.

I'm drinking Chardonnay. After ds it seems to be the only drink I can stomach. That doesn't mean I can handle it coz I can't!!! I had a quiet weekend apart from a Saturday night much like this!!

We go down to Liverpool a week on Friday for a long weekend so that'll be quite drink fuelled..... I'm just practising.

Who are you calling young?
Dont I wish
LOL

Hope you have fun in merry scouseland

Only as young as the man you wish you were feeling!

So what part of the country are you in? Or have I asked you that already??

no more wine

I'm from and live in merry old scouseland.
My dp is younger than me and I dont feel like grabbing that.
Might consider around the neck though!!!

LOL!

My DP's older than me by about 6 years so I try to grab him as little as possible.

Good old Scouseland! We're there about 4 times a year to visit the future inlaws. DP only moved up here about 4 years ago so still has the accent. People here sometimes think he's Irish!! Are they MAD???

He's an Evertonian through and through.

Not another bloody evertonian?
Mine is and you have my sympathies.
If my dp read this he would go mad.
Scousemen keep you on your toes though.
Does he take the p* out of you all the time like mine does(in a joking manner)

Oh most definitely!! Especially about my Scottish dialect.... however, what he must realise is that his son will be the same!!

Old are your kids then?

Oooooops.... meant to say HOW old are your kids!!!

Oooooops.... meant to say HOW old are your kids!!!

dd1-18 dd2-17
dd3-13 ds1-10
ds2-6 ds3-2
how old are yours??

You've got 6??????? My god you are a saint!!!! I would've sold at least 3 of them by now!!

I have only 1. He is nearly 2. But might be pg with the 2nd by about 2 weeks!! Waiting to find out. Having a drink while I can!

I was considering selling them but they are all good.Love them all. I have 2 stepsons aswell aged 14 and 12 but they live with their mum (the dreaded old hag of an ex).
Congratulations on your pg I hope you are too!!
Fingers crossed...

I am one of 4. My sis is 26, I'm 25, brother number one is 14 and brother number two is 11.

I love being part of a big-ish family like that and LOOOOOVE having young brothers.... although I feel like their mother at times!!

Tell me about it I am the oldest out of 5. They always come to me with their probs.I'm 35 and the youngest is 23.He is a pain in the a**.My eldest daughter is in the armed forces, very proud of her.It has its advantages being in a large family but it has its disadvantages esp when there is arguing going on. You get dragged in from all sides.

I bet you're proud of her! I tried to get into the Army, but after loads of training for my physical they knocked me back coz of my asthma!!

35 and 6 kids!! I think you're amazing!!

Did you always want a big family? If I am pg now it certainly isn't planned, but it's not going to be the end of the world! I'm very broody, but financially it would be a bit of a disaster! I'm the main earner and I would only get about 6 weeks pay coz I'm a Contractor!! But I s'pose I'm secretly hoping that I am

Thanx M2T I think you are pretty amazing too!!LOL
Youre always coming up with new ideas for threads and a very funny poster on mumsnet.I love this site.It is the first thing I wake up to and last thing at night. Speaking of which I am gonna go to bed now as I have to be up at 6.30.You take care and I will speak to you 2morro.
goodnight
god bless

Sorry our posts crossed. I had 3 dd's and really wanted a little lad and in the end he came along. I wanted to stop there but I got divorced and met a great dp and wanted to have his children aswell.
LOL
sweet dreams

Night night.