Light-Hearted Jokes Thread 4 a Saturday night in.... no offence meant!!!

[Toblerone]

Just to start off with:

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly
and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

lol why can I never seem to remember jokes.

ROTFL

wife -darling do you want super sex
husband -i`ll have the soup,love

I am rubbish at jokes too breeze

At the end of a funeral, the pallbearers are carrying out the casket when they accidentally bump into a wall
They hear a faint moan, open the casket and find the male occupant still alive.
He lives for 10 more years.
At his second funeral, as the pallbearers carry out the casket, his wife cries:
'WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!'

LOL Whymummy!

Too much alcohol breeze!

Men are a lot like miniskirts - if you're not careful, they'll begin to creep up your legs.

two old ladies are having a fag and it starts raining one gets a condom out and puts it over the fag
-ooooh ethel whats that??what a good idea where do i get some of them from??? -theyre called condoms and you get them from the chemist,edna
the pharmatist asks edna what size she wants the condoms and edna says
-ooooh,it doesn`t matter as long as it fits a camel!!

I can never tell jokes in person either, i either forget the important bit, deliver the punchline to early, or laugh at the punchline and no one can hear me.

that one really made me laugh whymummy! dh thinks i've lost the plot!

Q:Why are men like floor tiles??

A:You lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life!

ROFL toblerone

why are men slightly more inteligent than horses?
so they don`t shit on parades

I am being turfed off the puter now, boo hoo dh is putting his foot down! So have to go now! He wants to check his mail and faff around on his car website! inconsiderate or what?!!

ooooooh,bye girly talk to you soon xx

Tell him to FECK OFF! There are more important things happening here..... or he can join in??

mmm how did that happen.?

OOOOOH There's a Mum2Toby imposter!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Who are you?

What do you want?

Will catch up with all the jokes in the morning girlies, night night xx

Sort the imposter out M2T!

meanmum where are you???

meanmum where are you???

Q: Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?

A: Because it only attacks the brain.

There gettin lame now...

Bye bye girly

2 cows standin in a field. One cow says to the other "What do you think of all this Mad Cow rubbish in the news??"

The other cow replies "It doesn't affect me. I'm a butterfly!"

i`m off too, dh wants to play

NO,not that,with his computer games you dirty minds!!

night everyone!!